My boyfriend and I started dating when I was 16 nearly 17 and he was 19. He has the most severe depression I've ever seen. It immobilizes him to the point where he's woken up early to write a paper and just sat in his room the entire day. No even able to procrastinate or get food. He's 24 and he keeps failing classes for this reason even with the full support and help of his professors. He just can't do it. I've tried to be there for him and offer help, but sometimes it's so bad he shuts down everything ever that could possibly help. As someone who has depression and who has experience in helping people with their depression, it's frustrating and saddening when nothing I do helps. I try not to feel a personal responsibility that's tied to how well he does, but I've kinda been conditioned for it. Before I even joined him in college, his mom made me feel like I was personally responsible for him doing well and always thinks me for being with him. He's been in and out of therapy, on and off medication, and has been hospitalized before. However, I recently found out that his therapy and prescriptions were through his primary care doctor and not actually through a psychologist. Break is coming up and we decided that he would go to an actual psychologist and see what they think during it. After that would be the start of the next semester and the idea is that we would figure out what to do based on how he does after therapy. I guess I just can't handle the uncertainty and the pressure I've put on myself. I don't know how to help him without internalizing it and it's gotten to the point where he doesn't want to tell me when something's wrong because I always end up crying. Last night after talking to him my anxiety kept flaring up and when I woke up I felt depressed. I'm currently missing class as I write this because I was feeling like I was on the verge of tears and didn't want to be out like that. Normally I suggest that it would probably be best for him to confined in someone else, but he doesn't really have anyone else that's good for that. I mostly just get upset because I don't want him to hurt anymore and for him to be happy.
You are not your boyfriend's tutor, parent, or therapist. He needs to be in therapy and be committed to it in the long term so that it can actually help. Like, weekly therapy where if there is something bothering him he can bring it up there and you don't have to feel like his health is your responsibility.
