What do I do? I looked for three fucking years and I FINALLY got a job and they fired me after a fucking MONTH because of a few panic attacks. The one thing that made me feel like I was worth something, and I lost it. Why should I even be alive if I'm too fucking incompetent to keep a simple fucking donut shop job?
I don't have much experience in the job market, but I'm here to give hugs (if they are wanted) and reassurance that retail is hard as fuck to work. Especially if you've got brain weirds. This one failure doesn't mean failure forever, and be gentle with yourself. If you've been having panic attacks, you deserve all the hugs and understanding. Sorry things are so rough right now *hugs*
That really fucking sucks. And it's not incompetence if it was because of the panic attacks - it's a mismatch. So maybe retail isn't the field for you. That makes the last month a learning experience! A learning experience that paid you, which is pretty good overall. And you've learned that interacting with customers is maybe not the ideal workplace for you. So that leaves warehouse work, trying to work at a call center if not being face to face makes things easier, working in a kitchen maybe if you also learned that you liked food but not people. And, even better, now you have experience. Which should make it easier to find something else. In the meantime, is there someplace you can volunteer (sorry, don't remember if you're already doing that)? Animal shelters usually need people to come in and help socialize the animals, and it doesn't get pay but you get to play with animals and also maybe get senior volunteers who'd be references for you.
That sucks, I am sorry that happened =( I also often conflate my self-worth with my ability to work a job, so I feel you. Some things that help me, at least: Retail is fucking hard. Seriously. I have learnt that retail jobs are not viable for me, and that may be the case for you. It's okay if this job didn't fit. It's more experience under your belt. It's not your fault that you were fired. Having panic attacks is not something that you have control over. Being fired is not a moral failing. It sucks that your boss was not more understanding and accommodating, and it's not your fault. Not having a job is not a moral failing. Finding employment is hard, especially when you have a disability. It sucks now, but you're going to be okay. I hope that is helpful, at least. *all the hugs*
I'm back to wanting to die over this, honestly. I was able to keep my mind off it at the con, but now I'm convinced I'll never be able to find work again. I looked for this fucking job for THREE. GODDAMN. YEARS. I barely lasted a MONTH. I have no hope at this point.
Take one day to rant and rave and bitch and moan. Everybody's pretty much useless the day after a firing (been there, done that . . . ) After the Day of Suck, start working on getting the next job. But don't skip the Day of Suck. It's traditional to get stinking drunk on the Day of Suck if you're into that kind of thing.
Aaaaand now my mom is INSISTING that I need to work with the Department of Rehab first. So I'm stuck here forever probably, even though I think relocating would make me a fuckton happier (I HATE where I live) and would give me more job opportunities. She also thinks I shouldn't be learning to drive yet because she worries I'll have a meltdown on the road. And also because it's expensive to maintain a car. Never mind the fact that transit here SUCKS and I need the freedom. Mom, I love you, but you're driving me fucking insane right now.
@Acey It'd be nice to remind her that having a car has a lot of positive impact with potential employers, thus making it easier to get a job... Also if you're anything like me, commuting takes off a lot of spoons and leaves you more drained for work. So there's that? ALSO ALSO hugs to you, I'm sorry you're going through this situation.
If you had a meltdown, would you be able to feel it coming / hold it in long enough to get off the road? I think you would. Or at worst, you'd freeze and not do anything, and nothing bad would happen except people honking. Besides, learning to drive is worth it even if you don't get a car right now.
fwiw, my first job was also frying donuts, and i only lasted two days. working in a kitchen is higher-stress than regular retail (source: i have relocated to a Michael's as a register clerk since my fateful weekend as a fry monkey). one of my coworkers also suffers from panic attacks and found that working on the floor doing recovery/assisting with helping people find what they need on shelves was low stress enough that she could manage her attacks. basically she gets paid to make small talk while she puts things back where they belong. i'm not gonna lie and say retail PERIOD isn't stressful, but there's definitely a 'tier' system in regards to how bad it is, and if you're feeling disheartened or opportunities for quieter roles like desk work are few & far between you've got options. i am only pointing this out because i have very little to offer in the vehicle department since i don't drive, myself.
Ummm, that's not actually the worst that could happen. Freezing in the middle of traffic is actually quite dangerous. What if people froze in the middle of a busy intersection? Or on train tracks?
Um. NO. Learning to drive might be a good idea. Actually driving if you have a tendency to meltdowns, spacing out, or shutdowns is illegal in most places and pretty stupid everywhere. Consider: driving on the interstate at 80 MPH and some twit cuts in front of you close enough to scare you. So you meltdown - and now no one is controlling a ton of metal hurtling down the street at 80 MPH. Consider: driving down the street in your neighborhood at 35 MPH after getting into a fight with family, all emotional, thinking about it. Get worked up and have a meltdown. At 35 MPH your car can still KILL a kid or a dog that runs out into the street while you are not "in control". It's one of the reasons I don't drive. Another is my tendency to forget what I am doing as I'm doing it and even at low speed a moving car that has no driver can be deadly.
I see 'meltdown' being used for much less severe things all the time so didn't think of the above. Apologies. Assess what happens in your meltdowns and see if it's compatible with operating dangerous machinery as @Lyssa Lysik'an says above.
I usually assume when someone uses the word "meltdown" they are talking about the complete loss of control that comes from some form of overload. It seems to me that using it for meaning "very angry"/"very emotional" waters it down and makes it even more difficult to discuss "autism issues" - people won't know why meltdowns are so horrible if they think it's just another way of saying "mad".
My two cents are: I was fired two days short of a year on my second job (for reference, it was company policy that if you lasted a year in part time they had to offer you a raise and the next available full-time position) due to my manager finding out that my partner and I were queer. She made up untrue customer complaints and made sure I was fired. I found this out via an assistant manager that had been grooming me to take a keyholding position, and this meant it took almost four months for me to find any kind of job, even with a college degree, as the store manager had marked me as unrehireable. As banshu said, though, kitchen work is pretty damn intense. My first job straightaway after high school was at a Wal-mart as a cashier. I lasted two and a half days before going home in a full-on freakout (I still don't recall how I managed to get home or the next several hours after that). Second job was MUCH easier to deal with, as I went from crazy huge big-box store to a much smaller place with a quieter flow of customers. Third job was about the same size with a slightly higher customer flow and I am so grateful for the confidence building that gave me, as now I am in management and I cope relatively well. I also found that when I started driving it made things much easier for me to deal with, as I had a further range on where I could obtain work. YMMV -- Fiance is 31 and physically capable of driving, but doesn't trust his attention span to keep him on the road. THAT BEING SAID: you are not your ability to keep a job. Whether you can do so or not doesn't determine your worth in any way.
@banshu Michaels brofist I've been working various types of retail for almost a decade now, and I concur that there are definitely differences. I realized that I'm really too introverted or whatever to be a cashier, that kind of steady stream of people - interaction drains all my spoons. So I requested to be moved to the framing department, where I spend most of my day either with just one coworker or alone, assembling things. I do work with customers but orders take longer and it's more relaxed because you're helping them make a personalized order. I find now that, physical stuff aside (I have a back problem) I have way more mental spoons now, even working long shifts. So, it's entirely possible you can try to find something more low-key. Also...I wanted to say I've been there. I got fired from my grocery store job for being late one too many times, because I have poor time-management. It took me 9 months to feel like I was capable of working again, and to get another job. Not trying to make things seem hopeless, just that you're not alone.
If you don't mind me asking (if this is too personal tell me to piss off) are you in any kind of therapy/taking medication for the anxiety? I definitely agree with everyone else here that some jobs just aren't a good fit so it could be that, but it's possible that therapy/medication could help so that working in general would seem more bearable. Also, I'm sure you'll be able to find another job. I know how hard it is to look, but if you need help polishing your resume, I can help you (bear in mind I'm not a professional though; it's mostly stuff I've picked up from years of being taught how to write a resume in classes).
