I Grew Up In An Episode Of The Jerry Springer Show - Ask Me Anything!

ground rule: jokes are very encouraged. you probably will not be able to offend me, and humor is my salvation.

 

But there are several subgenres of Jerry Springer show. Was it a Klan episode? A plushy-fetish episode?

 

I still think about the post about your mother and the puppy, shit's fucked up man. Not just the idea that she did it, but also crying while doing it, ugh. Was that the only example of her doing fucked up shit to animals or was it just the most extreme?

Also, does your dad still believe he's being watched by the government and shit?

 

I have a feeling this thread will get v. heavy v. quickly, so hugs all around ahead of time. Soft plushies are mandatory, should also be accompanied by warm blankets and tea while we ask mr. Luka about the early chapters of the vastderp war.

 

Okay, heavy question. Why'd you decide it was time to get the fuck out, and how'd you plan out the logistics?

 

So, um, I know this is self centered, but I've heard one of your family members (your awful mom iirc) was bpd. Am I a lot like her? I'm always scared of contacting you and reminding you of her.

 

(Also just butting in to sends some e-hugs before it starts, since from the tidbits I read before, there was some really heavy shit going on :C )

 

Alright, enough hugs. (Kidding, kidding.) Hit us up with something batshit.

 

My situation is not near as urgent as yours was from what I've read on your tumblr, but my question is: was there ever a point at which you felt guilt for leaving behind the whole situation? If you did, when did it ease off, and how did you rationalize it?

 

Um, basic run down of family members? I'm a bit confused.

 

I actually know nothing about any of this. Like a basic rundown of anything would be nice?

 

CAST OF CHARACTERS

Mom: victim of incest, bipolar, probably borderline, delusional/psychotic at times, talked to angels. heavy smoker. alcoholic. severe rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia. sometime sex worker. rape victim. cheated on dad a lot. sexually abusive. scared the shit out of me a lot of times. good woman. supportive mom. dead as a doornail as of 2007

Dad: victim of incest, teenage runaway, rape survivor. paranoid schizophrenic, disabled army veteran, delusional/psychotic at times, talked to aliens. pot smoker. disabled from chemical experimentation during his army service. tried to keep us safe from my mom, but a major fuckup. loves cats, hates us government. grows potent weed. taught me to be an artist. survivalist. snarkier than i'll ever be. once left my mom at a truck stop in Colorado in the middle of the night. blamed me for being molested by my uncle/his brother. happily remarried and living i don't know where. has apologized and the apology was accepted.

Older Sister (by 2 years): victim of incest, childhood sexual abuse by multiple people, rape survivor, almost certainly borderline/aspd. iq of 165. addict. barely survived my mother as an adolescent. beat the shit out of me throughout childhood. we don't get along, but i do love her.

Younger Brother (by 3 years): the meth dealing golden boy. was fucked over more by my mother than any of the rest of us kids, hands down. suicide survivor as of 2010. paraplegic. black rages. has attempted to kill me twice. i am grateful he's in a wheelchair for life because it means i am safe. has a different dad, because my mom and dad were in a polyamorous relationship in 1982 when he was conceived. mom would sleep in his bed into his 20s, just before her death. convicted felon. we get along, but i avoid him like the plague.

Uncle Don: aka the Molesty Uncle. got me AND my sister. I like to think that someday he'll die choking on his own blood and begging God to make the pain stop :D :D :D

Uncle John: the other Molesty Uncle. i don't know if he got me, i was too young when he was alone with me. but i have my suspicions. he prefers 12 year old girls and calls women "blood-dripping bitches". guess who's single? :D :D :D

Uncle Dursley. real name tim. No necked purple man. full of cholesterol, unfulfilled fetishes, and wingnut rage. once told me, in the waiting room of the intensive care unit, that my mother was being punished by god for the way she raised me and my siblings, while we waited to hear whether she would live. He had a stroke a few years ago and wound up in a home. guess what i said on my facebook when i heard the news? :D :D :D

Aunt Sheryl: mom's sister. married Uncle Dursley. doormat. "simple." let dursley tell me my mom deserved to be in the ICU, and only said "now, now, let's don't fight" when i got angry at what he said. told me over my mom's ashes that she'd be my mom now. lol nope.

Rain: School friend turned adoptive sister! Gave me a place to stay after my brother tried to strangle me for the last time. we are motherfucking stardust. we are golden.

Jenine: Rain's mom, who is now my official Replacement Mom, who took me in when I was kicked out for forcing my brother to strangle me almost to death, even though her husband disapproved of me (for i was obv druggie trash you see) and gave me my first glimpse of how other families function.

You already know jesse and seebs, but i met them in 2004 and moved into their house a few weeks later. have thoroughly infested their lives ever since, like bedbugs do.

 

...
Welp.
That was informative, and also fucking terrible oh dear gods.

 

^I second em's assessment.

 

^Thirded, holy shit.
(I like the last four bolded names though, those seem very nice and cool!)

 

Why'd your brother try to strangle you? I never heard that part.

 

I think blood might be a bit too good for him. What about fecal emesis? (This is your DO NOT GOOGLE THAT warning)