I Hate Kale So Much, Help Meee! A Community Supported Agriculture Thread

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Beldaran, Jul 10, 2015.

  1. Beldaran

    Beldaran 70% abuse and 30% ramen

    We get a Community Supported Agriculture box every week, and every week there is a lovely fresh new bunch of kale in it and I don't know what to dooo.

    Kale is gross, and the amount of effort that goes into making, fuckin', chips with it or whatever is far too much for a reward that still tastes like foot lettuce.

    I like using it in lasagna recipes, but that is really labor intensive. I also liked putting it into breakfast smoothies, but our blender was stolen and I've discovered a very annoying beet allergy, which was my main other healthy breakfast smoothie addition.

    Can anyone help me with this? How do I keep from throwing this shit out every week?

    (Also, I'm going to have a bunny in about two months, will the bunny like kale? Hopefully, but there is still entirely too much kale for its tiny bunny body. I'd need a small army of bunnies and I'm only getting the one.)
  2. Kary


    Can I ask what kind of kale it is and what about you dislike?

    I know a simple kale salad recipe. It's pretty much "wash and tear up kale, make lemon juice + olive oil dressing, toss with kale, put shaved parmesean on top, consume" but that only helps if copious amounts of lemon flavor can over come the aversion. I believe I have also wilted kale for stirfrys before, if that's something you're into.
    • Like x 1
  3. a tiny mushroom

    a tiny mushroom the tiniest

    I ate kale cooked in some kind butter and herb concoction at a restaurant and it was really good! All I could mostly taste as the butter and like some herbs, so the kale taste wasn't all that prominent. Maybe you could try cooking it like that?
    • Like x 1
  4. Beldaran

    Beldaran 70% abuse and 30% ramen

    @Kary The kind I have now appears to be winterbor, but the variety changes week by week. They grow a bunch of different kinds.

    I dislike the bitter flavor, which I hear can be lessened by "massaging" it but I don't even give my SO's massages that often, I dunno about getting that intimate with foot lettuce. How DOES one massage a plant even?

    I do greatly enjoy lemon to the point that I've eaten whole, peeled lemons raw for as long as I can remember, so if you think that'll overcome the bitter flavor I'll give it a try.

    I usually saute or stir-fry the various kinds of chard, arugula, and random other greens we get, but kale doesn't seem to cook down as much. Why does it take ages to cook? >:I

    @a tiny mushroom Do you remember what kind of herbs? I'll google recipes that sound like that.
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2015
  5. Lissiel

    Lissiel Dreaming dead

    Try using garlic oil with the lemon juice and parmasan, it is amazing.

    Also for cooking it down, simmer it with a fuckton of garlic and some chicken broth and it'll wilt right down. I think it has a lower moisture content than other greens so it needs some added to make it steam? A good pinch of kosher salt is good too if you're doing it that way.

    Edit: try cooking it with italian sausage! The sausage hot stuff flavors it and the fats in it keep the kale from getting chalky. Brown the sausage, rough chop the kale, dump it into the pan, cover, leave on low heat for a half hour or so til its wilty and delicious.
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2015
    • Like x 2
  6. a tiny mushroom

    a tiny mushroom the tiniest

    Okay the restaurant menu says that celeriac was involved somehow. I think there might've been like dill and fennel, maybe some thyme??? Sorry, it was a while ago, so I don't quite remember, just remember that it was good nwn;
    • Like x 1
  7. Kary


    Hmm, going by google that looks like the kind I usually get, though I'm not 100% sure.

    I am also not sure if the lemon masks the bitter taste so much as compliments it, but loving lemon is a good place to start! I usually do the dressing about equal parts olive oil and lemon juice, with maybe a bit more olive oil for better adhesion to the leaves. Tip: Wash and shred the kale, toss it with the dressing, and let it sit for 30 minutes or more. This isn't necessary (or even possible with my family, everyone loves it and is impatient) but it... Well I don't know if it tenderizes it or softens it or what, but it tastes better? And it keeps in the fridge for a couple days, too, so you can make a big batch and nom on it. Cannot recommend the shaved parmesan highly enough.

    I'll be honest, I am not confident this recipe will overcome your dislike of kale, so maybe try a small batch at first and let it sit in the fridge in the dressing for a while.

    Good luck!
    • Like x 2
  8. Morven

    Morven In darkness be the sound and light

    Kale should have remained as animal feed or empty-place-on-the-plate filler it was understood that nobody eats. It is not food for humans. Certainly not this one.
    • Like x 2
  9. Lissiel

    Lissiel Dreaming dead

    *actually really likes kale*

    • Like x 3
  10. Lib

    Lib Well-Known Member

    My favourite kale recipe is calceannan.

    You boil some old potatoes (old as in large and mashable), and when they are nearly to mashable consistency you shred some kale and add it in, just for long enough to soften it slightly. While the potatoes are boiling, also prepare whatever meat you feel like - red meats, pork, or lamb are best, but chicken (and probably fish) work too.

    When the potatoes are done, add butter, milk, salt and pepper to taste and mash up the potatoes and kale. Then chop the meat into small chunks and mix it in.

    I find it a very good comfort food, especially with quite a bit of butter in the potatoes and some choice herbs.
    • Like x 7
  11. blue

    blue hightown funk you up

    My friend had a recipe for kale salad where you drench it in lemon juice such that it acts like a ceviche and gets sorta-cooked - I don't like kale, but I was eating it by the handful. I'll pester him for the recipe.
    • Like x 1
  12. jacktrash

    jacktrash spherical sockbox

    ahh you beat me to it! although i grew up calling it 'colcannon' and making it with leftover mashed potatoes. we made it with cabbage usually, because kale wasn't food until recently, but it's pretty okay with kale, and i don't normally like kale.

    oh, and i like it with bacon, and instead of blanching the greens in the potato water, i wilt them in hot bacon grease before mixing them and the crumbled up bacon into the taters.

    funny things happen to traditional old world "oh god, [staple crop] again, how do we make it halfway palatable?" recipes when the american working class gets hold of them. especially midwestern farmers who can get hold of meat easier than greens half the year, because there are no 'winter crops' on the great plains, the ground is frozen rock hard from december to march. that one last head of cabbage has to make sauerkraut for the sunday pork roast too, better just use a little bit and pad it out with some sirloin fuckin' steak.

    uh. i went way off topic, whoops. :D
    • Like x 6
  13. Ink

    Ink Well-Known Member

    Chop it up and add it to soups. Minestrone. Chicken noodle. Bean soup. Whatever kind you like.
    • Like x 1
  14. chthonicfatigue

    chthonicfatigue Bitten by a radioactive trickster god

    The talk of colcannon reminded me of Rumbledethumps. Shred the kale and chop onions and saute in butter until the onion is translucent and the kale wilted and glossy. Add mashed potato, salt and pepper, mix throroughly, and dump it into an ovenproof dish; cover it in grated cheese (a good mature cheddar is best but red leicester also works well), and bake it until the top is golden brown and bubbling.

    Originally a way of getting rid of leftovers but like stovies, I make it just because it's tasty.
    • Like x 2
  15. Emma

    Emma Your resident resident

    In a similar vein to what @jacktrash and @Lib were saying, Stamp is a traditional Dutch recipe with Kale.
    You boil potatoes to make mashed potatoes, and while you are doing that you boil the kale as well (shred it finely first). At the same times cook some bacon and smoked sausage in the same pan.
    When the potatoes are done, you make mashed potatoes with a little butter and warm milk. Mix in the boiled kale and the bacon with the bacon fat and serve with the smoked sausage :)
    It's mainly for winter, because that's when our variety of kale grows (you're not supposed to harvest it until after the first frost), but I could eat it any time :P
    • Like x 1
  16. on the bunny thing- kale makes you really gassy, and rabbits can't burp or fart. would not suggest feeding kale with any regularity, so you're back to square one 8)
    (what kind of bun?? shelter, breeder, or someone handing off their pet? sorry for the digression i really like rabbits)
  17. Beldaran

    Beldaran 70% abuse and 30% ramen

    @craptor It's my girlfriend's bunny, and she got him from a shelter a couple of years ago and we're renting a house together come September.

    Also, good to know about about the digestion thing, I know bunnies have extremely delicate digestive systems so I'm pretty much checking every single food ever with her before letting it get anywhere near the bun.
  18. Beldaran

    Beldaran 70% abuse and 30% ramen

    Trying out a thing that was suggested here.

    I made dressing from lemon juice, garlic olive oil, minced garlic, salt, pepper, sugar, and mustard powder, and tossed roughly shredded kale in it. I’m going to let it sit in the fridge until lunch time and see if the lemon juice ‘cooks’ the kale at all, hopefully making it less bitter and disgusting.

    I wish I had Parmesan cheese…

    If this doesn't work then all those recipes with mashed potatoes will work beautifully I am sure. I fuckin' love me some potatoes. That's how I manage to eat beets; making a half potato half beet soup that turns out pepto-pink and unworthy of the name borsch.
    • Like x 4
  19. Morven

    Morven In darkness be the sound and light

    I am generally of the opinion that any recipe involving kale can be better made with some variety of cabbage.
    • Like x 1
  20. Vierran

    Vierran small and sharp

    The trick to kale is some kind of acid, in my experience. It just needs a lot of denaturing to break down the tough, gross-tasting parts. Lemon juice dressing works this way, my dad puts red chili flakes in with that, which is delicious. Another thing I do is cook it in a wok with soy sauce and rice vinegar. You can saute it the same way as other greens, as long as you add enough vinegar to get it to cook down, and a little extra liquid.
    • Like x 1
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