I think I broke my routine circuits

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by TwoBrokenMirrors, Mar 1, 2015.

  1. TwoBrokenMirrors

    TwoBrokenMirrors Merely a whitebait in the mayo of life

    Uhmm... Well.
    My boyfriend has been staying for the past two weeks. He went home on Friday. We're long-distance, so the loss is sort of scraping at my brain at the moment.
    For the first week, we were house-sitting for a neighbour of mine, so we had to pretty well slot into that house's extant routine so we could keep their dogs and cat and rabbits happy. And, after we both adjusted to having to get up muuuch earlier than we usually did, and I got over the bit in the middle of the week where new things and less sleep had piled up a little and were running me down, it seemed the routine actually worked really well for both of us. He has almost-certain but undiagnosed ADHD, so keeping a routine is very hard for him, but once I have a routine I'm pretty insistent about keeping to it so Things Get Done Right so I was keeping him on track and being kept on track myself because the routine was already established so I didn't have to build it from the ground up. And we were getting exercise because we had to walk the dogs, and we were taking responsibility to cook for ourselves, and he was reminding me to drink regularly because I always forget to because I don't always notice I'm thirsty, and we were washing up when the dishes piled up and feeding all the animals and we still had lots of time to get into Minecraft and cuddle and talk. And even when we left the neighbour's house and went back to just chill at mine, enough of the routine stuck with us that we were going to bed at a sensible time and waking up pretty early and not being that tired when we did, and he still reminded me to drink and bullied me into peeing and stuff and I prodded him to get out of bed when he would have got distracted and forgotten to, and it just... things worked a lot better. Not perfect, because we both have brainweasels out the ass, but... even when I got unstable, it didn't matter so much, because he understood and wouldn't freak out.
    And now he's gone. And I'm going to fall into the routine I had before he came, where I go to my volunteering on tuesday, thursday and saturday afternoons and most of wednesday, and with the addition of going to CBT and vocational support meetings on Monday afternoons (probably, they're too new to have fallen into a pattern yet), and spend the rest of the time either completely energyless on the internet or restless and frustrated on the internet, and I hate it, and now I've had a taste of a routine that works better I don't want to go back to it, but I can't break it while I'm still living with my parents, and I want it to be with my boyfriend, not alone, because I don't know if I can do it alone.
    I miss him so much
    To get back to the point of this being an advice forum, I guess- does anyone have any advice? Going to volunteering was supposed to give me something to do and it does but it's not- it just sort of sits there and sometimes I sort of dread it. I'm dreading starting up the routine tomorrow, especially because it contains new stuff- the CBT and vocational meetings. The vocational ones are supposed to help me get a job in a way friendly to mental health shit, by the way, though they may also lead to me going to an art class thingy.
  2. wes scripserat

    wes scripserat Hephaestus

    don't have anything to say that doesnt souns atupid but.
    *internet hugs if you want*
    • Like x 1
  3. rorleuaisen

    rorleuaisen Frozen Dreamer

    Lacking on advise, but I feel you. I had a routine when I was solo living, but I can't seem to get it or another one to work now. It is very frustrating. I have learned that different environments require different routines though. I'm trying to trial and error my way into one atm.
  4. TwoBrokenMirrors

    TwoBrokenMirrors Merely a whitebait in the mayo of life

    Internet hugs are always welcome here. I am a very touchy-feely person. Which is partly why I miss the boyfriend because now I don't get any hugs!

    Oh, yes, definitely. I had a kind of routine when I was at uni that seemed to work pretty well, even though it was very similar to the one I have here. But it had purpose behind it, then. I think what's missing from the routine here is purpose. Here's hoping the new CBT/vocational stuff can insert some somewhere.
  5. rorleuaisen

    rorleuaisen Frozen Dreamer

    Purpose? Like motivation? Or just something solid to work around?
  6. TwoBrokenMirrors

    TwoBrokenMirrors Merely a whitebait in the mayo of life

    Like... a reason. While we were at the neighbours', there was a reason behind the routine- it was so the dogs and the cat got fed, and the dogs got walked, and the rabbits got fed and had a clean hutch, and also so we got fed and didn't turn someone else's house into a pit of squalor. But the routine I have at the moment has... there's no reason behind any of it. The volunteering is supposed to have a reason- keeping me occupied and giving me experience to use to apply for jobs- but it's failed miserably at the latter and also kind of at the former, because while it keeps me occupied while I'm doing it, it's in its own separate block and never strays outside that block so it has no impact on keeping me occupied at any other time. And the stuff that could be giving me reasons the rest of the time- improving my art, or picking up my writing again, that sort of thing- either I'm so bogged in inertia that it just seems flat and pointless and needlessly spoon-sucking, or I'm so restless and angry and frustrated at nothing that I can't settle to it even if I want to. Exercise would probably help, but I don't... walking on my own is either boring or scary, and I'm unfit enough that the exercise bike wears me out fast enough to be madly depressing.
  7. rorleuaisen

    rorleuaisen Frozen Dreamer

    Hmm. I've sort of faked myself into reasons. Like, I spend a lot of time studying myself and seeing how I react, so when I find something good, I jump on it. I find patterns, then I make a rule, and then I see if it makes me feel better. Rules that work become part of my routine. This is essentially how I have been coping with my depression, because if I mess up on my routine or rules, and I have a bad day, there is a reason. And the next day I will try to do better because I want a good day. So it's a weird sort of hope? And I do have good days, which reinforce the keeping with the routine.

    Now I explain things because maybe they help?(okay, i don't know if this makes any sense but, I'm leaving it just incase):
    So I have two big focuses when I make a routine: Sleep and food. When my sleep and food are messed up, I have a bad day. I have recognized that I am happier as a morning person than an evening person, so I want a schedule based on that. In my current environment, waking up at about 8:30-9:30 gives good results. I also looooove sleep, so to make sure I am getting enough, I plan to be in bed at about 11:30-midnight. But, I have noticed other factors will mess with my sleep schedule and make me unhappy/tired. The culprits are sugar, caffeine, and people. So I have made more rules to stop them from interfering. No caffeine after 5. No sugary goods after 8. The people one is more complicated; it affects my mornings. I need my mornings to my self. Dealing with people before I have done my morning routine will result in me screwing up my morning routine. This is one of the problems I am having with my routine currently. It also happens to be majorly screwed up because SOMEONE (@seebs ) decided to make a magical forum which makes me too excited to sleep at night! >:c (seriously, I was up at 3 last night).

    Anyways, I won't go into my food one, but my point is that my reason is my mythical happiness. By observing myself, I have found ways to increase my happiness, and it is my magical forbidden fruit of legend. And the good news about this reason is, I will always want my happiness.

    And I honestly suggest starting slow and building on a routine instead of doing this gigantic dedication(big gigantic dedications that fail are very discouraging). When I get one part good and comfortable, I add another. I mean, a lot of my routine I have been building and perfecting for years. I have to keep adapting it, and currently my spoons are at an all time low, but I know what my next step is once I can get there. @_@ Hope this helps!
  8. Aya

    Aya words words words

    I don't have any advice either, just wanted to chime in with sympathy. Even with my spouse's attempts to help over the past couple years, I still haven't managed to form a daily routine. I think the last time in my life where I did mostly the same things at mostly the same times on most days was when I was in high school. Without at least 12 hours of my day blocked off for me by external forces, I just can't do it. This sucks because I do a whole lot better the more predictable my life is.

    I have got pretty okay at not fucking myself up any more than I already am while lacking routine, though, if advice on that would help?
  9. Aurora

    Aurora Very freckly member

    Can you make a commitment with a friend to meet up each day? Or volunteer to do some more pet-looking-after for your neighbours?
    One of my kids' babysitters also ran a small-animal boarding service (eg rabbits, mice, guinea pigs).
  10. TwoBrokenMirrors

    TwoBrokenMirrors Merely a whitebait in the mayo of life

    You actually seem to have a really good handle on how to build a routine that benefits you, damn. Well done. I think I need to take a few leaves out of your book, actually. And I feel you on people messing things up. Damn people!

    That sounds really frustrating and awful. =( If you have any suggestions though I'd be glad to hear them!

    Sadly I only have one friend in this area and we don't actually talk very often, and I live in an area where it's difficult to get anywhere unless I take a bus that goes to a total of two places (neither of which are where my friend lives) or steal my dad's car (and he might need that). Those are also kind of mostly excuses, I suppose. There is the nebulous chance of an art class in my future, though.
    ...Small-animal boarding service actually sounds kind of cool, and like something I could do. I don't know if my parents would be happy with me setting one up in their house though. xP I have also toyed with offering dog walking services but I really don't know how to go about... publicising that sort of thing.
    • Like x 1
  11. Aya

    Aya words words words

    The things I've found most useful for keeping my shit together on no daily routine (and YMMV) are sleep tracking apps and vitamin d supplements. No, really.

    If I don't get enough sleep (or if I get too much sleep but that doesn't happen very often anymore), I start going off the rails, but I find it more or less impossible to go to sleep and wake up at the same time every day. So I have a sleep tracking app on my cell phone. When I fall asleep, I hit the widget that tells it I'm going to sleep, and the phone goes to silent. When I wake up, I tap the widget again to record waking up. It calculates my sleep debt for me and has lots of pretty charts.

    The vitamin d thing is a little more complex, but here goes. When I don't have any kind of set routine and I can't really guess at basic things like "what time will I be awake on thursday" I tend to not schedule doing stuff with other people. How can I know if I'm going to be having a good brain day and that I won't get lost or something? So I stay in the house a lot. So I take vitamin d every other day because I don't get much sun exposure. I've felt a lot less gross since I started doing that.
  12. TwoBrokenMirrors

    TwoBrokenMirrors Merely a whitebait in the mayo of life

    That is very interesting. I have wondered a bit about vitamin d actually. xP And I think i would be better if I managed my sleep better so the sleep app seems like a promising thing to look into. Ta very much!
  13. Re Allyssa

    Re Allyssa Sylph of Heart

    Oh, what app is it?
    I tried to use one before that tried to track how deep your self was, but it was only a trial. (Sleep as Android. I might cough up the 5 dollars for it though...)
  14. Aya

    Aya words words words

    I use Sleepbot. It has way more features than I could ever use and it's free.
    • Like x 1
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