i feel like i learned this from being a female in high school and generally not being in a woke area where i could grow into a normal well adjusted person what do You Think
As someone who's also grown up female: i think you should be looking for a therapist or similar mental health professional. This (that being the collective mass of issues and traumas as far as i've seen them in the last few days) is something this forum is almost completely unequipped to help you sort out.
oh so bury my issues? you got it j/k but therapy doesn't work for me i've been in therapy forever telling someone to get therapy is just kind of a general insult to me i'd only tell someone to get therapy if i hated them
to say "go get therapy" basically translates to "i don't give a shit about you, go away" which is fair because i don't do shit for anybody
I mean i'm sorry if it doesn't work for you, but 'get therapy' is genuinely the best seort of advice considering the sheer amount of things you're dealing with. Perhaps a different therapist or therapy approach would be in order? And it's generally speaking good advice for that sort of thing, which is why very often when people on this forum ask for advice it comes up so often. Not because they don't care, but because they're DO care and recognize their own limitations. As for 'hating you'... I don't. I've literally never seen you until a week ago, i don't know you. I certainly am not even remotely emotionally involved enough for 'hate' or even 'dislike' What i do feel is concern, because you seem to be in a very bad place. I would like to help you. I know i can't because i am very much not equipped for it. That's why my advice is 'find one of the people professionally trained to help with this stuff' It's exactly the same as telling someone who tells me about their persistent stomach upset to please see a doctor.
i'm sorry :( i didn't realize i was showing signs of crazy all over the place? i don't want to be this chaotic lol. i'm sorry. i'm seeing therapists... i have 2 therapists
i mean, i wouldn't call 'signs of crazy' but as was pointed in another thread (i think by Aondeug?) you do seem to be showing signs of bpd and my super laywoman opinion is to carefully nod along with that assessment. Combined with what looks like a bunch of trauma that would make for a pretty volatile mixture, I think, for very understandable reasons.
potential consideration: if you've been in therapy for several years, and are at least somewhat cognizant of your own problems while having made no progress it's more probable that you have a bad therapist than therapy just wholesale not working on you
it's pretty common to not click with the first therapist(s) you try, and have to shop around a bit. i was seeing someone locally who is a really wonderful person, and a couple of my friends still see her, but she just wasn't a good fit for me. she's got a really sweet loving mom vibe, and i found myself not wanting to tell her things bc it would make her sad. feeling you need to protect your therapist from your issues isn't a great relationship for recovery, so i quit her and got a different shrink. this one's more like a brain mechanic, and i feel like i can tell her anything and she won't get emotional about it, she'll just help me debug my mind. the sweet mom therapist wasn't insulted by this, btw. she agreed her style wasnt working for me. she's the one who recommended the brain-mechanic lady. long story short, shop around a little, find someone who fits with your style.
