I want to come out as bi to my bigoted grandma. (resolved, mostly)

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Re Allyssa, Oct 7, 2016.

  1. Re Allyssa

    Re Allyssa Sylph of Heart

    Basically that.

    She's strongly anti-gay as far as I can tell just because "the Bible says so." Which. Okay I'm a Christian too, but I'm taking the Bible a little less seriously these days (but I'm not gonna tell her that) and from what I've read it doesn't even say that anyways!

    I have a few links like these (fake edit: I HAD some links, they're gone now xP) that can explain why it's not actually a problem religion wise, but I was wondering if anyone else had advice on how to talk to her about this?

    And, she is bigoted. She hates certain people just because and it's something I've fought with her about a lot. I dunno, I'm probably not going to be able to change her mind in one conversation or anything and I probably shouldn't try. I just don't want her to hate me or anything. I think it's an unlikely outcome, but it's not impossible.

    Like, as an example, in 2012 she thought that I was voting for Obama so she sent out a chain message asking people to pray for my soul. (Which, wow rude.)

    There's also my even more bigoted uncle, but I don't really care what he thinks anymore. I'm just keeping it from him because he'd tell my grandma. As soon as I can come out to her, I'll effectively be out to everyone (i know that that's it's safe to do so is a huge luxury to have).

    I'm thinking that it's probably better to have a conversation with her rather than just come out on Facebook on Coming Out Day. But I'd still like to post then (without restrictions) so I need to do this sooner rather than later.
    Fake edit #2: Oh, shit that's the 11th. Uh, I might have to figure out how to do this on my own =/ Or at least sooner than I thought.

    SO. I guess my question is - Try to have a conversation with her before Tuesday, or just post and have the conversation after? Also, how should I approach this?
  2. Scheherazade

    Scheherazade It's a story fractal

    This sounds like a tough one, and I honestly can't say what's best here. My instinct is to go make sure you have all the facts about why it's not actually a problem in terms of religion ready, so you can rattle them off right away once you start talking to her. Sadly, it probably won't change much of her mind, but if you're lucky it'll take "because God says so" off the table as an option, and that sounds like her biggest gun here.

    Aside from that, just... keep hammering home the point that this is who you always were. You haven't suddenly turned gay, this isn't something that happened to you, this is the exact same person you were from the moment you were born and you always will be. So, if she ever loved you, then she loved a gay person and there's no getting around that. She does not have a not-gay grandchild, she does not even have the option of a not-gay grandchild, a heterosexual grandchild never ever existed and never will.

    Mostly, do whatever you think is best because you're the one in this situation, and good luck.
    • Like x 1
  3. Astrodynamicist

    Astrodynamicist Adequate Potato Goblin

    Re time crunch maybe schedule yourself a belated cod in a month? If it'd help take the pressure off. I get wanting to do the thing on the day tho.
  4. Re Allyssa

    Re Allyssa Sylph of Heart

    Thanks Scheherazade!

    Hmm, maybe. I guess we'll see what happens this weekend. I feel like this will be better face to face, and if I can't meet up with her then it's kinda moot.
  5. Re Allyssa

    Re Allyssa Sylph of Heart

    Well, my mom has pretty much convinced me that a Conversation will do nothing and that I should just be me and let my grandma put the pieces together and deal with things as they come.

    Maybe I just won't do it this year, maybe next year? Idk.
  6. Astrodynamicist

    Astrodynamicist Adequate Potato Goblin

    Aw *hugs*

    What would the benefit of waiting a year be? Relieve the anxiety of making a Big Decision in the next few days? Which is reasonable, but if waiting won't change anything, and since you wanted to do this this year anyway, it might be better to just go ahead and do it. Better than regretting waiting the wait all year. :/
  7. Re Allyssa

    Re Allyssa Sylph of Heart


    The benefit is that I don't have to spring this on her this weekend. I can just like slowly drop hints and stuff throughout the year so that it's less of a Big Reveal? And yes, relieve the anxiety of Big Decision.
    • Like x 2
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