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Vent I was born with a leak!

Discussion in 'Brainbent' started by Charlie, May 18, 2017.

  1. Charlie

    Charlie I got no strings to hold me down

    I feel complicated like 'should I ask or try to remain unbiased?' But it's also like a question that's almost impossible to really ask, because if I don't know how can I possibly know whether not asking actually is worse/better? ...if you get me. Like, 'is it actually inappropriate to remain "unbiased" in this case?' And is ignorance really lacking bias or just ignorance?

    Anyway, I don't know the current situation with a user and their history. I know the air is charged but I'm ignorant, basically. I get something happened but it's you know. ??? Not sure if it's appropriate to ask in thread or if I should ask privately.
     
    • Witnessed x 2
  2. Paradigm Shift

    Paradigm Shift Sleepy Girl Wants Love

    If it's who I think it is (that's the current forum hotspot in terms of rage), then you're going to be hardpressed to get an opinion not slanted one way or another right now. If it's who I'm thinking, there's been a lot of burnt bridges, repeat incidents, and general problems with accountability and denial of issues. Insincere apologies aplenty and egregious actions that have a lot of responsibility denied or shafted.

    It'd actually be hard to give a summary at this point. I think you'd be best off PMing somebody, but I couldn't trust an unbiased account from the person in question. Reading backlog would take you 500+ pages, and that's just my rough estimate; I think it's a lot more in plenty of threads.

    I want to say you'd be best off PMing a moderator or maybe asking in the Discord if anyone'd be willing to PM you for explanations. I don't know the general mod policy with informing people of the actions of users beforehand if they're worried about them - it might be something that gets taken seriously, it might not; it might just depend on who you talk to, even.

    Having said all this I think I'd still suggest the latter two options, or just waiting for someone to see your post here and bringing out the baggage.
     
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2018
    • Informative x 1
  3. Charlie

    Charlie I got no strings to hold me down

    Yeah I'm confused because there seems to be an overwhelming amount of information... like... every time I see someone vague about 'what happened' it seems to be referring to something different. Maybe because there were a lot of 'things' or maybe because I'm just not understanding, but there's a history to this that's a thick lore almost. I'llll figure it out eventually somehow? Maybe
     
  4. Aondeug

    Aondeug 宗教の学生

    It's a multiple year long affair with this one person. Which is why it seems to be different things each time.

    There's been a fucking lot.
     
    • Agree x 1
    • Informative x 1
  5. Charlie

    Charlie I got no strings to hold me down

    Actually realizing I did witness the events with the user in question and sockpuppeting at themselves and I was witnessing them and it's. Hm. Deceit bothers me a lot. I know coming clean here is a thing but the sheer volume of deceit is... unnerving. I'm actually vaguely aware of two incidents involved, though not ones earlier people are vaguing. Hm.

    Dishonesty is something like.. similar to? close enough to call? a trigger for me in itself so that's. Complicated. I'm prone to paranoia in general, so... uncomfy.
     
  6. Charlie

    Charlie I got no strings to hold me down

    basically, the stuff with cC was something I took in such good faith that unraveling the manipulation required messes with me a bit. I knew it was plausible, to some extent. but. idk. I tend to err overly on the side of good faith I guess and it's important to me... value-wise I guess? to try and do that - to Believe people are being Honest even if there's doubt and act like they are. I'm just disappointed. also weirdly nervous. Which is weird, because I wasn't too involved with that.
     
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2018
  7. Charlie

    Charlie I got no strings to hold me down

    upload_2018-12-15_6-49-59.png

    How does anyone look at an interface like this and not feel intense rage.
     
    • Agree x 2
  8. Charlie

    Charlie I got no strings to hold me down

    my favourite bands are depeche mode and pink floyd. that's how you know im a really creepy-sad abuse survivor
     
  9. Charlie

    Charlie I got no strings to hold me down

    people armchair diagnosing trump seriously viscerally digusts me. he's an awful fucking person. you dont need to bring in a fake diagnosis and a 'mentally ill people can't be trusted/shouldnt be in power' story to discredit him. what discredits him is what he does, and whether he has a condition or not shouldn't effect your opinion about what he Actually Has Done.
     
  10. Charlie

    Charlie I got no strings to hold me down

    i dont have npd, but. i dont like the way people paint it with broad strokes here either.

    also in general lately im swamped and feel like self isolating but. it's not like the world has the time to care about the individual. so many people are unahppy. doesnt matter
     
  11. Charlie

    Charlie I got no strings to hold me down

    8 am
    10
    12
    2
    4
    6

    my day. in one room. all day. four classes. supposed to somehow pay attention to all of them.
     
  12. Charlie

    Charlie I got no strings to hold me down

    if i killed myself, there is only one person who would care, and that is both a relief and very sad.

    i could count my family but they care in that grating way where theyd rub and salt everything about me down at my funeral. they care about a person i am not and who they grind away at constantly to fix into who they want.
     
  13. Charlie

    Charlie I got no strings to hold me down

    doctor, i am pagliacci
     
  14. Charlie

    Charlie I got no strings to hold me down

    the truth is there is no one i can talk to about my ever increasing desire to kill myself.

    family? if i told them they see it as a threat, or a power play. i cannot express organic grief to them over breaking a mug, much less wanting to die.
    partner? they're weighed down by so much shit, including my ex, that i dont want to bother them. and they always end up being the one person i talk to. of course they're tired of it. they're the only person i trust.
    public venting? having my ex who stalks my twitter and tumblr see is too humiliating. they relish in my pain and express this.
    friends? friends either avoid the topic or are there for me but it's too humiliating to go on about. i don't want to talk to my friend about it. they appear to care, but theyre always complaining about different people's levels of depression not being an adequate excuse. their words and their other words do not match.
    school appt? those people dont care. they only care about whether you have a 'plan'. they want to claw whether you have a plan out of your brain so they can commit you and make you want to kill yourself even more. no thanks.

    fuck. the world is miserable. and this is a dumping ground for miserable people who all want to die anyway. i just need to talk somewhere about my desire to die where my ex won't point and laugh and pin it on their wall.
     
  15. Charlie

    Charlie I got no strings to hold me down

    my older brother has six kids and is an abusive father. abusive sibling. abusive everything. doesnt change doesnt matter

    my parents are shitty to me but when they're shitty to their grandkids it makes me even more aware how much they suck as parents. it is easy to observe how they treat someone else and be 'that isi not right'
     
  16. Charlie

    Charlie I got no strings to hold me down

    i like awful cruel twists because they can sometimes perforate my emotionally numb soul

    is what i say

    when i say i like the ending of the mist as a kid
     
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