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idiomie: the silence liveblog

Discussion in 'Your Bijou Blogette' started by idiomie, Dec 15, 2018.

  1. idiomie

    idiomie ;&

    as some like prior warnings to this thread for anyone who wants to read/interact: while this blog isn't going to be the crying of my vent, it's not going to just elide over my suicidal ideation - i can promise that the topics pertaining to it will solely be positive, but it will be there. in general, when i touch heavy topics here, it will be about my recovery (hence why currently my anorexia is not likely to be mentioned)

    also just expect lots of gdtalk

    this is just gonna be a grab bag, folks
  2. idiomie

    idiomie ;&

    and now for the first real post!

    i got my first tattoo today!

    it's a semicolon and ampersand - yes, that's what the title of this blogette is a reference to

    back in 2016, it was a really popular tattoo for affirming life after an attempt, and my sister showed it to me after mine. i like the symbolism, even if it is hella cheesy, and added the ampersand for extra cheese - the ; is my attempt, and the & is the life i've chosen after it

    i gave myself a three year mark after my attempt for when i was gonna reevaluate and try again if i felt like nothing was really better

    things aren't exactly better just yet. but so much has changed in the two years since. and it's been a mess - it feels like everything that has improved came at the expense of something else, and especially without living with lebesgue anymore (whom i'd been relying on for basic self care tasks), it's felt largely like i've been trying to tread water and not doing a very good job at keeping afloat

    and then so many things changed so rapidly in the last two weeks - and in particular, everything that happened that felt like a setback really did leave me better off and then i went to services friday night

    and i realized that i'm so so so tired of waiting. i wasn't treating this time as real - it was like some sort of limbo between living and dying, and even when things were good or got better, it felt like it didn't matter because it wasn't october 29, 2019, and so, if i was gonna stay alive, my real life couldn't "start" yet, and when things were horrible, things were. horrible.

    and i'm sick of that. i'm alive now. i don't have to wait for the third anniversary to decide my life is mine and something i want to enjoy. i don't have to put off making a life that's bearable and even loved - in fact, by doing so, i'm sabotaging my chance of making that life

    so i'm here. i'm gonna stay. i'm gonna have bad days and it's gonna be hard but there are gonna be things that will be good and maybe i don't know if it'll be worth it but i don't think i can know until the end anyway

    so yeah

    ; &
    • Winner x 3
  3. idiomie

    idiomie ;&

    changed my tag line or whatever it is!

    don't really need the old one. it isn't true anymore
    • Winner x 2
  4. idiomie

    idiomie ;&

    also funniest thing

    so originally n and lebesgue were going to spending their visit to iowa in an airbnb

    my grandma is super confused that they aren't dating (because there's no reason for them to be raising children with me otherwise???)

    and we discussed the pros and cons of telling my family that they are dating

    and anyway

    they were gonna be staying in a one bedroom airbnb

    so it was like the ideal fake dating au

    fake dating, one

    and they were roommates, sorta, two


    we ended up not lying, and also we're moving into an apartment rather than doing the airbnb thing, but. the whole thing is still funny to me
    • Winner x 1
  5. idiomie

    idiomie ;&

    okay making like a list of things i need as i move into the apartment

    furniture! it does not come furnished. so like
    i need a bed frame and mattress
    beside table, y/n?
    lebesgue wants a desk
    kitchen/dining table
    a couch, probably
    coffee table, maybe???
    CHAIRS for the kitchen table, wow, jules, that's kinda needed
    ideally one of those little box shelve things for shoes

    uh everything
    cookware, x2
    flatware, x2
    knives, x2
    • still unsure about what i want to do for knives, because not all knives are used for meat and vice versa, also some knives are used for neither or exclusively one, so i don't think i exactly need two separate sets??? ugh
    • https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01B3GARVG/ (current knife set i purchased because: affordable; color coded with pretty colors. $15.30)
    dishes, x2
    cutting boards
    hand blender
    hand mixer
    stand mixer
    • this one i'm gonna be waiting forever on because it's a kitchenaid one that i picked out like five years ago and i updated to a newer model recently, but it's still like 400$ lmao
    measuring spoons and cups
    liquid measuring cups
    i'll come back to this


    laundry basket

    cleaning supplies:
    washing scrubby things

    dishwasher soap
    toilet plunger

    not done but posting for now, will edit to expand
    Last edited: Dec 26, 2018
    • Like x 1
  6. idiomie

    idiomie ;&

    why is escaping my family .... so expensive

    and like i STILL owe my grandma 800/mo which happens to account for approximately half our monthly expenses (okay it's more like 40% but still)
    • Witnessed x 3
  7. idiomie

    idiomie ;&

    we are just gonna sleep on an air mattress until we can afford the mattress i actually want because the one i want is 600 dollars we don't have, meanwhile we can afford a like 180 one from the store but 1) thanks, i hate it (sorry i'm so picky) and 2) i feel super bad buying it and then having zero use for it within a year when we get the one i actually want
  8. idiomie

    idiomie ;&

    the constant question to wrestle with: do i buy the cheap thing i can afford now but need to replace quickly, or wait to buy the more expensive but longer last alternative?

    ngl we are probably moving in and eating off paper plates and use plastic silverware for the first like two paychecks
  9. idiomie

    idiomie ;&

    amazon may not be the best place to get these things and i am also looking at the stores around me, but the convenience of having it mailed to me within two days of ordering cannot be overstated
    • Agree x 1
  10. idiomie

    idiomie ;&

    i move into an apartment! on the 26! eight whole days away!!!

    i get to pick up my cat soon! he'll be with my by the end of the month!!!

    also look at my sweet new icon. so happy
    • Like x 4
    • Winner x 1
  11. Lebesgue Integreat

    Lebesgue Integreat Lesbian Intrigue

    The icon is absolutely fucking precious.
    • Agree x 2
  12. GlassesBlu

    GlassesBlu I'm Riso and I'm a cool fool

    Just dropping in to say I love your icon!
  13. idiomie

    idiomie ;&

    thank you! @Codeless made it for me! I love it a lot!
    • Like x 2
  14. idiomie

    idiomie ;&

    i keep missing threads i'm the op of because i don't recognize my icon anymore

    not that i had an icon before, but i'd gotten used to the little question mark
    • Agree x 1
  15. Re Allyssa

    Re Allyssa Sylph of Heart

    Both you and turtle dove have added icons around the same time and I'm just "*gasp!!*" lol
    • Agree x 2
  16. idiomie

    idiomie ;&

    pretty much everywhere else (tumblr, discord, mpa2) i use a sprite of a shiny umbreon from sixth gen, and i'd forgotten that i hadn't done that here yet, so when i commissioned codeless for an icon i was like "i want an icon of basically what i have now, but sleeping" and codeless was like ??? your icon is a question mark

    which was v funny to me
    • Winner x 3
  17. Lebesgue Integreat

    Lebesgue Integreat Lesbian Intrigue

    A sleeping question mark, obviously.
    • Like x 1
    • Agree x 1
  18. idiomie

    idiomie ;&

  19. idiomie

    idiomie ;&

    lebesgue looks like a really attractive q from the bond movies (the ones with the guy. with blue eyes?) and is rocking this disheveled inventor look and i am LIVING for this
  20. idiomie

    idiomie ;&

    lebesgue had to comb their hair to look presentable for an interview and i am Sad
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