I'm considering trying to move out of my parents' house under my own steam - advice/logistics?

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by BlackholeKG, Feb 27, 2017.

  1. BlackholeKG

    BlackholeKG I saw you making fire


    So, my parents are currently upset with me as part of a drama about my name being too similar to my brother's name. (I just told my mother that my name is Josephine. My brother is called Joseph. She is taking this very personally and very badly).

    While I am fully aware that this will likely blow over eventually, the fact remains that being at home is quite stressful to me at the moment, despite the fact that I came home from uni in order to relieve that stress. I find myself wanting the freedom of living on my own again, albeit somewhere where I remain in London so I can still see my family and friends. To this end I am seriously considering what it would take to move out of my house and live somewhere on my own.

    Obviously this would entail having a job again. This is not ideal because I was forced to leave uni because the work there was too much of a spoon drain. However, I consider that my previous library assistant job was fairly bearable, largely because it didn't follow me home, and I was largely sitting at a desk and talking to people, which usually wasn't too bad. I'm technically still on the roster for the libraries, but unfortunately that was never a job with fixed hours, which would be what I would require if I was looking to pay a rent. Furthermore, also unfortunately, all the cheapest flats are flatshares, which I... cannot do. I'm not a social person and I crave being away from people, and could only live with somebody else if they were a close friend who I trusted. So I have to pay enough money to find a standalone place, and even the cheapest places available would require me to work almost a full work week, which is kind of the opposite of what I was aiming to do when I left uni. However I accept that the world is not perfect, and in the right environment, where I could do something fairly mindless, and had at least some free time, this might be tolerable.

    The minimum wage is also an issue. In the UK, minimum wage is partially dependent on age. As I am 20, the minimum wage for me is only £5.60 (per hour, presumably). This will increase to £7.05 when I turn 21, but this will not be until October.

    The good news is that I have some money in the bank already, a combination of the money my parents released to me when I was 18 and what I worked to obtain the last two years part time. It's hard to know exactly how much I have because I still haven't picked apart the fallout from paying for uni, which wasted me a lot of money seeing as I'm not there any more and won't be back for a while, but my bank account currently tells me that I have £4,800-ish, and I'm inclined to believe it. This would give me a good staring amount to get things settled, albeit if things don't go well, spending this money would cut into the money that I will need in the future to pay for uni when I go back.

    I know some people here will have more experience in this area, so I'm looking for advice as to whether this is a good idea, whether this is a feasible idea, and/or whether it'd be worth it in the long run. As well as advice on what I could attempt to do jobwise that might be feasible (the fewer hours the better, honestly, fuck), and on places I could stay/rent that wouldn't necessitate having to jive with flatmates.

    Thank you all!

  2. BlackholeKG

    BlackholeKG I saw you making fire

    [19:30:00] Wiwaxia foliosa: might also be worth seeing it there's anyone on kintsugi who would be up for sharing a space in a low-interaction, low-spoons kind of way

    ^ This is also something I've thought about, considering that I know other Kintsugijin have moved out this way. But I don't have my hopes up, as that would be putting a lot of pressure on a person, and I know there aren't all that many of us in London, and also because I'm kind of a difficult person to live with/have vices/am not a model housemate by any means... (sorry but I am me and you have all seen... me)
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2017
  3. BlackholeKG

    BlackholeKG I saw you making fire

    Or maybe this is a stupid idea and is just an expression of me acting out

    Am I even trans that is what the question
  4. BlackholeKG

    BlackholeKG I saw you making fire

    I've been looking through a lot of job advertisements and even regarding my general lack of experience and degree level education I am starting to suspect that my lack of an outgoing, personable personality and the qualities of a good team player might be a problem.


    Edit: This is Not A Good, I feel like I'm honestly far too fucked up to get any of these jobs that could actually support me.
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2017
  5. BlackholeKG

    BlackholeKG I saw you making fire


    I really hate being trapped and... unable

    /me asks website for help, please
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2017
  6. BlackholeKG

    BlackholeKG I saw you making fire

    Fuck me, if I'm losing spoons merely looking up jobs I'm hardly going to be able to actually take one on, am I

    Well this disintegrated before it started

    Fuck me and my insolent entitlement
  7. Hobo


    I don't really have any specific advice outside of what I mentioned on Skype (mostly because I don't have the experience), but I did want to say that any bullshit about being outgoing or personable or any sort of personality traits can easily be interpreted as inane bullshit you can ignore... possibly with the exception of forward facing positions, where you're at least expected to act like you're those things when talking to customers (you don't have to be in reality). Like, ultimately, all they're really asking is that you won't be a douchebag to your fellow employees and bosses and will take direction. At worst, you'll just need to pretend to be personable when interviewing for a position. Faking it is expected and normal, because if people actually had to have these personality traits to actually get or maintain a job, something like 50% or more of the population would be unemployed.

    And nah about the last thing. The job hunt is inherently depressing and spoons draining, even for people who aren't dealing with severe mental health issues. It fucking sucks, especially when it feels like they're all saying 'we want someone who isn't you for this position.'
  8. BlackholeKG

    BlackholeKG I saw you making fire

    Fair. I still don't know what I'm going to do though. I have no skills and not very much capacity to effectively apply myself. Dead in the water and all.
  9. BlackholeKG

    BlackholeKG I saw you making fire

    Like, even the things that I can technically apply for just... don't... sound like they actually would work effectively in practice.

    I'm not sure I could do 7 hours a day 5 days a week.

    You're expected to have full spoons and push for what you want, and be motivated.
  10. BlackholeKG

    BlackholeKG I saw you making fire

    I'd need help in helping me do things and I don't even have my parents to push me really, this'd be my project and I know myself and I can easily see a future in which I quit out of my job and stay at home until I run out of money and then either crawl home to my parents or end up dying or something.
  11. BlackholeKG

    BlackholeKG I saw you making fire

    The plan was to sort some gender stuff and mental health stuff and then get back to working on my education and after that to start a career but I want options now

    I don't want to be dependent on my parents any more

    If that's just me being a stupid brat then who the heck knows

    Or a contrary unempathetic asshole, which is how my parents see me. They see me as not being aware of them/not caring about them or my family. Maybe that's true, what do I know. (I do care, but maybe not enough for normal people).
  12. Hobo


    I feel like they would probably be worthwhile applying for regardless? Like, you're not sure you could do it... and that's fine, but you also won't really know whether it's a yes or no unless you get into a position where doing it is a possibility.

    Also, is welfare an option? I have no idea what the UK system is like, but in Australia there are payments you can get when you're looking for work, and I think people who have certain issues also get more support/help in finding jobs. Maybe there's something like that that could help you not have to rely on your savings too much?
  13. BlackholeKG

    BlackholeKG I saw you making fire

    Briefly looked at that. Seems like it'd be impossible considering I'm technically still enrolled in a university. : ^ )
  14. BlackholeKG

    BlackholeKG I saw you making fire

    Even if I could get my depression listed as a disability I don't know if I'd be eligible for much.

    Edit: Nonetheless, I will look more into this.
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2017
  15. Hobo


    Ugh. The UK is a fucking shit. You'd think they'd at least leave it available to part time students, and students who literally don't take any classes, but of course they don't. Assholes.
  16. BlackholeKG

    BlackholeKG I saw you making fire

    Further research regarding benefits of people with things like depression tells me that it seems the only thing that would apply only applys for those who are unable to work. Unfortunately, it is also at a level which is too low to live on, and indeed would be invalid if I had any sort of part time work to take up the slack, because if I were to do that it'd prove that I was capable of work and no longer entitled to the benefit. So, unless anybody who is more skilled at picking through UK government websites can figure something otherwise, there is no support that I am eligible for in any way that I would be able to attain while also working and being able to support myself.

    So there's no help from the government. I'm not surprised, I already hate them all.
  17. BlackholeKG

    BlackholeKG I saw you making fire

    Or, well, I could still get it if I worked less than 16 hours a week and didn't earn more than £106.50 a week, which, hmm. Probably I couldn't support myself on that considering the benefit is only... hold on
  18. BlackholeKG

    BlackholeKG I saw you making fire

    Something like £57.90 weekly. It's difficult to know though because it all depends on where you're living, and if I move I'll be in a different area, so???
  19. BlackholeKG

    BlackholeKG I saw you making fire

    There's also a thing called universal credit but I think I read somewhere that I can't get that, I can't remember why though, fuck there's a lot of confusing information
  20. BlackholeKG

    BlackholeKG I saw you making fire

    Oh wait, maybe that was the uni thing, uh, fuck let me actually read the small print on this
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