This thread pretty much explains it all; the teal deer is that ever since January started I've been in an intense, awful downward spiral complete with panic attacks ever few days and--more recently--a major depressive episode (the depression has been reoccurring since I was like nine, the frequent panic attacks are... New) I've got a doctor's appointment at a health clinic today; I'm going to ask them to do a physical to check that this isn't a body-disease instead of a brain one, but I'm also going to specifically insist that they refer me to a psychiatrist who can diagnose the brainfuck and--hopefully--put me on a treatment plan. I've--never done any of this before. Doctor visits were never part of my life growing up--we were poor and on government provided insurance, when we were sick my mom just took us to the emergency room. I've never even had a full physical or a proper gynecology exam. I've only been to the dentist once! I'm also specifically curious about the therapy/meds roulette, and if anyone who's been through it has advice about what to expect and what to do to achieve the things I need--my goal is to have a Proper Therapist and antidepressants/possibly anti-anxiety meds--i would like to hear it (Also I am unsure of the forums, if this should be moved to 'Brainbent' I will do so)
I'm honestly kind of worried that I'll be dismissed or not listened to, or that they won't help me, and I'll just be left to stew in this feeling for the rest of my life :( And I can't take that. This episode is honestly worse than the usual--other times I could distract myself with internet and fanfiction, at least, but my laptop is now an anxiety trigger and I can barely bring myself to touch it. Movies and shows leave me too much room to think. I just feel like all sense of consolation has been removed from me and all I can do is sit and feel how shitty I feel. I've had to call a suicide hotline twice in the last week! I need help, and what if they won't help me? :(
MY DOCTOR APPARENTLY CALLED IN SICK AND THEY CAN'T SEE ME TILL THIS COMING WEDNESDAY GREAT FUCKING GREAT I HAVE TO HOLD OFF THE VOID FOR NEARLY A WEEK BUT THAT'S JUST GREEEEEAT
