College is horror. Today I got back a paper for my comics history class that I turned in a month late. The notes said I had completely misunderstood the point of the paper and basically implied that even if I weren't late, my grade would be awful. The worst part was that I had just talked to the teacher after class about some comics I recommended because I tend to rec things to anybody who will listen (ugh). I'm going to have to meet with him during office hours and it's going to be terrifying as I try to find a way to explain why I messed up so badly after using that extra month. I also just found a letter somebody slid under my door. It's a request from the dean to talk about my behavior in science fiction class, which is the most terrifying thing yet. I already did this a few months ago. Plus, the date on the paper is yesterday and I missed it, so they won't like me for skipping out and I am afraid to check my email now. I lost the sheet of paper with my BPD diagnosis so I don't have a reason for my behavior. I'm scared to ask for a new one because the psychiatrist refused to give me a new one for ADHD since she wasn't sure I had it anymore because I didn't react to the stimulants. What if I am just stupid and mean instead of BPD and she'll say that too? What if the dean kicks me out? I don't want to have all these horrible appointments and my life has been chock full of them since forever. I want to hide away or just die or something so I don't have to deal with all this. Fuck, this is making too big a deal out of something tiny again isn't it. I hate these stupid emotions I have over the littlest shit. Feel free to disregard this and talk about the more important problems people have.