okay so maybe an hour ago I was listening to this podcast and it was talking about how people have had problems with believing that they were suffering from something Bad without actually suffering from it. Cue anxietybrain freaking out and thinking I'm *really* actually neurotypical and not experiencing real executive dysfunction or social problems, because if these people suffered from things that weren't actually tangible, who's to say that my issues aren't like that too? Of course, when I went to find data on psychosomatic mental illness, I can't find a thing that makes sense, which is why I'm putting this here. Does anyone know if it's possible to show serious symptoms of having a mental illness or disability without actually having said MI or disability? Because even if I can't find any reliable data, I'm not completely convinced that I haven't been lying to myself to make myself feel better about my failings as a human being that are within my power to correct (I.e. knowing how to better read people, not freezing up when I'm anxious or feel like I can't do something, etc). I know confirmation bias is a thing as well, so there's that to consider too.
Off top of head, I do not remember any outstanding cases of someone presenting as having a mental illness/disability without indeed having it, with the exception of most cases of multiple personality/dissociative identity disorder. At least, not over an extensive period of time. How long have you been exhibiting symptoms? For example, when I was suffering sleep deprivation, I started exhibiting hallucinations (among other temporary symptoms). These stopped when I received sleep drugs and adequate rest, and had been on anxiety medication long enough to reduce waking up from panic attacks mid-sleep. Not knowing it was caused by temporary extenuating circumstances, however, aggravating other undiagnosed conditions no less, I thought for a while I might be getting schizophrenic at that time. It wasn't lying to myself to guess that might be the problem; it was just my closest guess based on the data I had available at the time, which was flailing under a huge pile of symptoms all at once and not enough info on my own to extrapolate what environmental factors might be affecting it and what might be actual brain issues. I am not sure if I quite answered the way I wanted to or answered your question at all, or if that wandered off, but my point was supposed to be you can be symptomatic, without having the illness or disability you thought you did and having a different one, without being a liar just because you were wrong. Misdiagnosis happens. (and much as I frequently remind myself about my undiagnosed but suspected autism: if it is all in your head and not ~real~, so what? does it help you navigate the world to treat yourself as if you had the thing anyway? then navigate that way! nobody will know the difference, do what works for you and makes your heart happy)
I know someone who had a family member who dealt with some pretty serious psychosomatic illnesses, and the takeaway I got from hearing about her problems was that there's no such thing as "just" psychosomatic; just like anything else going on in your head, it can be a pretty major problem and need professional treatment. It might be a different treatment than the symptoms would suggest, but that doesn't mean it's you faking/looking for an excuse.
Spoiler: long To elaborate, what I've been struggling with that my brain was worried i was faking is mostly executive functioning issues and some of the traits I feel are possibly autistic (not making eye contact frequently, having trouble getting a general idea what other people might be thinking by looking at their faces, some literal-mindedness). Re: exec dysfunction: I didnt go to a class today because I was exhausted from driving to get home from my parents' place + when I thought about going my brain was like "haha you wanna go somewhere well you're not gonna get up!" And then I listened to that podcast and anxiety took over and I started worrying that I really didn't have executive dysfunctioning issues and if I just ~tried harder~ I totally could have gone to class. Re: autism, I was worried that it was confirmation bias, and being convinced for so long that I might be made me act more like I was--enough to make my new therapist notice and agree with me. Logic part of my brain is like "you literally don't do much, if *anything,* that's different while you're with this therapist, +this therapist *specializes* in this shit. you're probably overthinking things, like you're prone to do" but I still Worry bc Anxiety Disorder (that much I know I have, even if my old psychiatrist didn't actually diagnose me with one). Plus there's shit from my childhood that i know I didn't fake. Sooo more than likely this is a worry-spiral that boils down to "what if I'm a liar/~bad~/not who I think I am?" Which. Now that I think about it is a pretty common theme with this particular anxiety disorder. TL;DR i was afraid that somehow I've been acting neuroatypical when I'm not but that boils down to "pin is afraid they are Bad or Wrong in some way" which. Is a common thread throughout all of my Major Anxiety Issues (they're identity-linked I think). ETA: I've had some form of symptoms of executive dys throughout my life--they just have been manifesting differently for the past couple of years. The autism stuff I'm less sure about but there is some stuff I can trace back to childhood.
