Kintsugi and Valentine's Day

Discussion in 'General Chatter' started by Paradigm Shift, Feb 12, 2017.

  1. Paradigm Shift

    Paradigm Shift Sleepy Girl Wants Love

    How would people feel about getting valentines from other forum members on this upcoming V-Day if it comes to that? What exactly constitutes a valentine in others' eyes? I made a vague post relating to this over in my vent thread, but I don't want to drag people into my vent thread just to talk about it.

    I've thought about sending out a few messages to people on this forum that I think are cute, but I'm not so sure I'm looking for a reciprocated romantic relationship to arise out of any of them, and I don't know if those types of messages would wind up being disappointments or not, especially because some of the people involved likely don't know me altogether that well and I'm thinking that I might come across looking like some sort of weirdo forum stalker.

    Has anyone else thought about doing this, and if so, what are your thoughts or takes?
     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2017
    • Like x 3
  2. Aqua Vitae

    Aqua Vitae put some honey and sea water by your bed.

    I'm pretty sure the forum has done Secret Santa things before. I don't think Valentine's Day activities are all that different in terms of how to celebrate the holiday here logistically, and so long as people are mindful it could be fun!
     
    • Like x 1
  3. Savriti

    Savriti Professional Lurker

    I think it'd be a cute idea, but I'm saying that as a fellow lurker.

    Back in late December/early January, I had an idea to set up a Stupid Cupid gift exchange, but the timeline would have been crunched so I never brought it up. But basically a mini-Secret Santa, lower value gifts, emphasis on more sweets and treats instead of general gifts (and maybe the fic/art could be couple/romance themed on the digital side).

    I mean, whatever people wanted to give others/get would be up to them, of course. I ain't the fun police..

    But I did the Imgur Valentine's exchange last year and set up a really cute little box and had a blast with that, so I won't claim that idea as uniquely my own either.

    So potential Valentine's 2018 idea right there?
     
    • Like x 1
  4. Paradigm Shift

    Paradigm Shift Sleepy Girl Wants Love

    That seems cute to me too! I'm thinking more along the lines of quietly passed along messages, PMs maybe, to people that you admire and wondering whether that would be entirely foolish of a venture or prone to stepping on toes, but an actual event of it in 2018 could be fun.

    It seems a little too late to organize anything big right now, sadly.
     
    • Like x 1
  5. Newlyread

    Newlyread Killer Queen

    I think it'd be cute as long as there was, like, a way to opt out? I'm sure there's people on this forum who would be uncomfortable with it for a variety of reasons.
     
    • Like x 2
  6. Paradigm Shift

    Paradigm Shift Sleepy Girl Wants Love

    I completely agree with there needing to be a way to opt out. That's part of what I'm concerned about with my finger sitting on the PM button for Tuesday. I want to spread some cheer and appreciation, but not ruffle any feathers, and there's probably feathers that could be ruffled by someone trying to send valentines around.
     
  7. Aqua Vitae

    Aqua Vitae put some honey and sea water by your bed.

    If anything, spoilers and content warnings should be enough for people to opt out of reading something they don't want to?
     
  8. sirsparklepants

    sirsparklepants feral mom energies

    I think it's a good idea, but it'd be better to be opt in rather than opt out. I'd be distressed by receiving valentines for personal brainweird reasons (ltr, I'd feel obligated to respond, what are the differences between romantic and non romantic feelings, etc.)

    Edit: phone why
     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2017
    • Like x 3
  9. Aqua Vitae

    Aqua Vitae put some honey and sea water by your bed.

    How to provide a way to opt in, though...
     
  10. Newlyread

    Newlyread Killer Queen

    I do worry opting in means people are definitely for sure expecting a Valentine and if they end up not getting one, they'll be really disappointed and let down.
     
    • Like x 4
  11. sirsparklepants

    sirsparklepants feral mom energies

    Hmm, that's a good point.
     
  12. Paradigm Shift

    Paradigm Shift Sleepy Girl Wants Love

    That was the first thing that came to mind when I read opt in, too. :( Is it safer to just not do it?
     
  13. Newlyread

    Newlyread Killer Queen

    Yeah, probably, but I'm not sure that should stop you? IDK, it probably ruins a bit of the enchantment but maybe asking prospective receivers first for permission?
     
    • Like x 1
  14. sirsparklepants

    sirsparklepants feral mom energies

    Maybe a disclaimer that prospective recipients are not obligated to respond or something like that? I'm not sure if that would be in the spirit of things, though.
     
  15. Savriti

    Savriti Professional Lurker

    A solution that might work but would require someone with time/spoons:

    A dedicated sub-account for all this.

    People could either message or ping the sub-account with a 'Please opt me in/out' if they have strong feelings either way. Those who don't care either way could be messaged if someone wants something relayed, in a 'Hey! Someone has something nice to say to you! Did you want to hear it?', as well as a dedicated thread for people to post the notes they got if they were exceptionally happy about it/etc.

    With the dedicated cupid running around, it might lessen the feelings that it needs to be reciprocated because the messages could be (either made so or intentionally) anonymous. So there could also be an opt-in for unsigned notes only.
     
    • Like x 3
  16. Paradigm Shift

    Paradigm Shift Sleepy Girl Wants Love

    That could work, I guess. For me, half the joy is receiving one unsolicited and the surprise that anyone remembers. Most years, no one does, and it makes it that extra bit special. (This might have to do with being a RL Lurker too.) I really, really am afraid of stepping on trauma, though, so I might try to do this for people first. I feel like I'm just going to be 20x more awkward going "HELLO PERSON DO YOU MIND IF I TELL YOU I LIKE YOU LATER" though.

    I really like all of this, but it still sounds like too 2018 of a thing to do. I don't think we could successfully promote something like that in a day or two, so Ruevian probably has the right of it. I'll note that down for next year though.
     
    • Like x 3
  17. electroTelegram

    electroTelegram Well-Known Member

    bumping the thread frequently is a way to get the word out, and you can add something to the title specifying that it's opt in

    re: people possibly feeling bad you could do gradeschool valentines day rules where if you want to give one then you have to give one to everyone, but that migt ruin a lot of the fun too because that's potentially a lot of work? idk
     
    • Like x 1
  18. Ipuntya

    Ipuntya return of eggplant

    i don't mind receiving any messages, but i can't really see myself sending any since there's really no distinguishing between romantic and platonic feelings for me
     
    • Like x 1
  19. Savriti

    Savriti Professional Lurker

    I think the hardest thing would be finding someone to do it (I would, but I have a shift that day so everyone would get very late Valentine's messages). Because as @raybot mentioned, the thread would work to gain traction as well as people who have been messaged (Even if it's just the 'You've Got Mail' sort of thing) thus knowing and passing word along? I mean, I think it's worth a shot, and would functionally work the same way as you asking them permission yourself. Just also giving people the chance to pre-emptively say 'No' tomorrow.

    (Plus, if other people decide that this is a nice idea and want to, you don't run the risk of someone having to say no five hundred times).
     
  20. baskerville

    baskerville Well-Known Member

    if anyone could ping me once discussion is over I'd appreciate it!!
     
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