Loose thought: "Attractive Nuisance"

Discussion in 'The Undercity' started by seebs, Feb 12, 2017.

  1. TwoBrokenMirrors

    TwoBrokenMirrors Succulent Vex Belly

    Fine. I will never blame anyone for being hurt by anything I say about them. But I don't like the implication that I'm automatically in the wrong for having strong, frustrated feelings about something someone's done and putting them in my clearly marked vent thread where I clearly say that anything violent is only an expression of frustration and not something I am actually going to do or try to do. I get violent when I'm frustrated! I scream and I say I want people to die! But I don't do that shit anywhere but to my friends and in my vent thread. And I feel hideously guilty for it anyway.

    (edited to correct grammar)
     
    • Like x 4
  2. TheMockingCrows

    TheMockingCrows Resident POTSie potato.

    since talking is happening can i ask where the leeway is for "I'm screaming because everything is on fire in my head and am potentially not aware something is bad till the dust settles and I'm calm"? not trying to escalate or argue anything, honest curiosity. logic doesn't logic right when I'm upset, but if someone else is upset they do have every right to comment or question or complain etc. etc. etc. ... but I'm not myself at the time. there's also the problem of "this is horrendous and bad to someone, but i didn't mean it bad in the slightest, and being questioned on it as if i had ulterior motives or bad motives feels like mockery while i'm like this".

    logic not logicing is hitting this wall of "doing something purposefully" vs "not being aware of thing at the same time everyone else is" and i just wanted to ask in general because Concern and brain won't shut up unless i ask clarifying question. bc I was told before that warning about needing a cooldown period before being questioned would be enough to at least hopefully be granted time to come back to my own head properly and logic right, but now i'm feeling like that's not always the case? i'm confused and want to be sure, i'm sorry.
     
    • Like x 4
  3. AbsenteeLandlady123

    AbsenteeLandlady123 Chronically screaming

    I absolutely do not accept vent threads becoming an 'anything goes because people are upset' kind of area. I just do not.

    If people want to be assholes, that's up to them. They don't get to pretend they aren't being an asshole. If they are concerned that a thing will make them look like an asshole and people will be like 'um that was a dick move', delete it after the fact maybe
     
    • Like x 3
  4. TwoBrokenMirrors

    TwoBrokenMirrors Succulent Vex Belly

    Okay. I fully accept that if I screech I WISH YOU WOULD ALL DIE in my vent thread i'm being an asshole. Now what?
     
    • Like x 1
  5. AbsenteeLandlady123

    AbsenteeLandlady123 Chronically screaming

    okay yeah, sorry

    I'm getting really fired up about this because I love this place and I love the people posting here and I am seeing massive red lights for a hugely unhealthy community development, that has had hints of being a thing for about a year and a half.

    Okay so: if you don't have the control at the time and do not realize something is bad, I propose that when the dust has settled, consider either deleting it and posting a 'deleted a post that was out of line' or something edit in its place, or making a post acknowledging it was not okay.
    nothing? I am worried about attacks on specific people. What I proposed above could also work for that, but with all encompassing hyperbole it's easy to recognize it as such. Targeted insults/threats, not so much.
     
    • Like x 2
  6. Petra

    Petra space case

    'I want to set someone on fire' isn't a targeted attack on a specific person. Which is why I asked if vaguing even when you're frustrated with someone specific would help precisely BECAUSE brainbugs don't mean you can be terrorizing someone.
     
    • Like x 2
  7. AbsenteeLandlady123

    AbsenteeLandlady123 Chronically screaming

    I'm...not talking about that?
    Sorry I honestly don't see the leap to that. I'm taking a second to put on the AC and grab a drink, because it's 30 celcius at six in the morning and I'm slowly roasting. That kinda makes it hard for me to follow some things
    Also I'd like to apologize if my tone was getting aggressive. I should have reined myself in when I first noticed that, and am doing so now, because the last thing I want to do is hurt anyone.
     
  8. Petra

    Petra space case

    No, it's fine, I've been frustrating and I'm trying not to leak that over into aggressiveness at you, either. But the problem is I'm asking specific questions for the purposes of determining where the line is and you're not parsing that, as with the 'someone vs [someone]' thing.
     
  9. a small fis)(

    a small fis)( 26 people in a trench coat

    ive been blamed for this by other people bc Vent Thread imo
     
  10. TwoBrokenMirrors

    TwoBrokenMirrors Succulent Vex Belly

    Right. Okay. You could have been a little clearer about that but thank you for clarifying.
    What about posts like '[X] has really been getting on my nerves recently but it's pointless to say anything because it's not something they can change. I wish to god they'd FUCK RIGHT OFF'? Because those are the kind of 'targeted' posts I'm most likely to make.
    Also, this is a personal brainbug, but being forced to apologise for being frustrated and angry and saying frustrated, angry things in a situation where my frustration and anger comes from other people being dicknozzles and not listening to me is something approaching a trigger at this point. I've tried extremely hard to learn to keep my temper in check and not take it out on people, entirely by myself, because everyone else thought just telling me not to get angry would do the trick. I apologise profusely and feel like a piece of shit if I get angry in a conversation with my friends, especially if it's nothing to do with them, and I would like just one place
    just one place holy shit
    where I can be a foul-mouthed piece of shit and not be called up for it
    and before you say anything, putting things in private locked diaries just makes me feel even more like a piece of shit. Keep the bad thoughts secret, Mirrors! nobody must ever know you're cross or angry!
     
    • Like x 7
  11. TwoBrokenMirrors

    TwoBrokenMirrors Succulent Vex Belly

    I'm sorry? Blamed for reading the vent thread? That's shitty and shouldn't happen but I was speaking personally for myself and I won't do that. Also I barely know you and am highly unlikely to ever talk about you anywhere let alone my vent thread.
     
    • Like x 2
  12. a small fis)(

    a small fis)( 26 people in a trench coat

    yeah im not blaming u! just saying it Is a thing ive definitely seen happen
     
  13. TwoBrokenMirrors

    TwoBrokenMirrors Succulent Vex Belly

    Sorry, you quoting my post confused me.
     
  14. Beldaran

    Beldaran 70% abuse and 30% ramen

    Man, I can go to my personal thread right now and tell Seebs I hate his face and I wish him every unhappiness in the world. That's allowed. He's also allowed to be like, "Damn, you're such a dick, why are you being such a dick to me?"

    And I'm allowed to be like "because I'm a dick and I hate u."

    Like, apologies aren't required. The thing that WOULD be inappropriate would be if I went: "I was just venting, why'd you read my thread when it warns for venting? I'm not the dick, you are." It would be especially inappropriate if others chimed in like "yeah, Damn Seebs, you're being such a dick right now, stop."

    People are allowed to be assholes, but we're trying to not be the kind of community that tells people that their shit don't stink.
     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2017
    • Like x 11
  15. AbsenteeLandlady123

    AbsenteeLandlady123 Chronically screaming

    That also doesn't concern me because that's not a threat or insult.

    I apologize for not being clearer before, I don't wish anyone ill and especially not you. I think you're super cool and I am in distress for my words leading to the same for you.
    I. Hmm.
    it's not that I think the apology is 100% required every time, I am concerned about the idea that asking for one is bad in the first place.

    Which is not a thing right now, and I am aware of that. But I've seen arguments edging closer and closer to it, so this is basically me holding up a Stop And Consider sign on that particular train of thought
     
    • Like x 3
  16. Petra

    Petra space case

    Because you were intruding on them??

    Like, you can be hurt by what Void said. But you crossed a boundary first. The problem wasn't you being hurt, but you repeatedly minimizing how you hurt them as a 'little thing' or a 'small mistake'. If Void talked repeatedly about how you were so hurt over a 'little thing', it'd feel crappy, right?
     
    • Like x 9
  17. IvyLB

    IvyLB Hardcore Vigilante Gay Chicken Facilitator

    Incredible, you're vagueing right now.
     
  18. TwoBrokenMirrors

    TwoBrokenMirrors Succulent Vex Belly

    Would we be allowed to say something like 'I'm sorry you saw this. I was extremely frustrated at the time and blowing off steam. Now I'm calmer, maybe we can work it out?' instead of 'I'm a dick'?
     
    • Like x 4
  19. a small fis)(

    a small fis)( 26 people in a trench coat

    ????? and how is it still acceptable to scream at someone for a mistake bc You Went In The Vent Thread is what confuses me... like thats not the sort of thing thatd be accepted anywhere else but somehow Vent Thread changes it
     
  20. Petra

    Petra space case

    Okay, let me clarify this because you are confused. What you did seemed harmless to you, but was like approaching an angry person, touching them without permission, and going 'shh shh shhhhhh.' If said angry person then yells at you, that sucks and you're fine to be upset, but you're already violating boundaries hugely. And in your case, you'd been repeatedly told by other people that the cuttlefish were upsetting them.

    I am sorry you got yelled at. But the fact that you don't seem to understand what you did wrong is very distressing to me. It makes me feel like boundaries aren't important, and that if someone is being loud, their boundaries don't matter. Do you see why that is upsetting?
     
    • Like x 15
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