So just a question that came up in the course of conversation between myself and a friend tonight, but does anyone else occasionally pull up old pictures or mementos from their exes specifically to see if you still have any feelings left over them? Like, and I don't know if this is entirely healthy, but I will, from time to time, just pull up a picture of one of my more disastrous recent exes not because I miss them, maybe a little because I wonder how their life looks different but almost entirely because I want to poke my heart with a stick to see if it still does the funny thing. Because I want to dead, I want it gone, I want to stare the feelings I had in the face and no longer see the bogeyman of sadness or longing or love. I want to feel nothing. That's the goal, pull it up and see if I've grown so far past it that it's just another person. And usually it does. Usually it doesn't occur to me to do this until I'm enough past the person that it doesn't kick up old romantic feelings or a sense of loss. At the most there's usually disdain, some anger, but it's baseline noise. Also, you might be thinking "Trilli...that seems like a lot of negative emotions to have tied to your most impactful relationships, and a fairly sad outcome to wish for" well...*insert trauma here* I tend to relive a lot of trauma through my flawed love map because parents and bad. So, it's not unwarranted. So, often the ones this happens the most with are the ones that hurt me the most. Anyway, thoughts? Feelings? Cries of outrage?
