Posted the following on tumblr. I think I'm going to sleep. I feel sad and lonely. I'm going to turn 2- tomorrow and I felt too unlinked to message my friend here in this city to organize something to celebrate because I felt it would be sad to only have him since I feel like nobody else would care about my birthday to even have a birthday dinner with me. And so I lied to mom that he was busy so he can't do anything for my birthday. But now I'm looking at my third birthday with only my family and feeling pathetic and lonely. Why did I have so many friends in college and now here I am just terrible at socializing? We had nice meals and events for my birthdays in college. My best friend baked cupcakes and organized a bunch of friends to come sing me happy birthday in my room senior year and we had cupcakes and some cherry liqueur and they care for me. But now I'm this little sad thing that only managed to keep one Peruvian friend from high school and I am pathetic even when he invites me to do stuff so I don't want to bother him and make him feel like he is my only way of socializing. My friend G made a special lunch for my birthday junior year, it was tamarind pork ribs and they were so good. I miss Mimi and Aayushi and Julia and my whole Team and I really miss Matt and I miss Deirdre and Annabeth and Joe and so many friends. I'm sad and pathetic and can't even do nice things for myself. I feel sad and I lied to mom who was trying to help me have a good day. I miss my friends. I feel lonely.