Heya, so if you know anything about me you know I've been dealing with medical garbage all year and now it's coming to a head. I've got a biopsy of my femur on the 27th of this month, and a Fulkerson Osteotomy to look forward to on the 10th of December. This is a lot for me to take in and handle and I need some Advice to handle this chill as I can. The biopsy shouldn't be too painful and the mass is very most likely benign but the little "what if" is driving me absolutely batshit, and the biopsy site could hurt for up to a week. The idea of something drilling me when I'm asleep is also kind of scary. I'm afraid of getting the IV and being put to sleep as well, though considering how easy my last IV was for the MRI, I think I'll be able to handle that fairly well by comparison. I'm still exceedingly spooked. The knee surgery is what's really twisting me into a pretzel. It's the kind of surgery where everything SHOULD go okay but there's going to for certain be a lot of pain afterward for a few weeks, the things that could potentially go wrong are pretty awful, and I'm supposed to have an advanced directive and other things filled out in case something goes wrong on the table. Which. Standard procedure, sure, but uh. Yikes. Scared. Very scared. FOR EXTRA FLAVOR: all of these things also involve my brain screaming at me that somehow, some way, I've manipulated the entire medical establishment into believing something is wrong with me (spoiler alert: there are several things wrong with me, that's why I'm getting the damned surgery one leg at a time under the care of a very qualified surgeon that I trust) and that somehow all of this is 1. For attention 2. Fake somehow 3. A mistake because I'm apparently a master manipulator and all of my mri and xray results were me lying 4. ???????????? 5. profit But it's just. Really really really getting to me. My friends have tried to talk me through it, I'm distracting myself or working on classwork and getting things done like commissions and fic work whenever my brain unlocks, but it's really fucking me up. It's more of a struggle to get things done than usual, I'm more prone to crying fits again and I just generally feel like shit. I'm not even sure what I'm going to do during the recovery process at this point for either thing, I'm too wound up about the main event itself to think too far ahead. :< I've got no idea and no idea how to plan either. tldr: anyone who's more used to surgeries and prolonged recoveries and stuff than me, pls teach me ur ways to cope with the strong ass anxiety that's punching me in the kidneys. anyone who has tips with impostor syndrome for chronic illness and chronic pain, i am all ears. anyone with things i can plan ahead for or work with or keep in mind for anything is deeply appreciated.
I only had to have full anaesthesia once, for my laparoscopic gallbladder removal, and an epidural once for a thing on my back - but being put to sleep was very easy; it was literally like in the movies, where i was talking to my anesthesist and then suddenly i was in the recovery room. coming back was a little harsher; I got some sleep-paralysis like deal where i could only cough and ended up puking bile because it also made me very dizzy. it wore off... somewhat quickly, i think? I ended up sleeping again, tho that was probably from the massive amounts of IV morphine, so i don't know for how long i was awake before i was fully back from anesthesia.
i was knocked out for my gallbladder surgery in italy, but it was in really traumatic situation.. nobody spoke hardly any english and i didn't know enough italian or german to be able to communicate properly at all. the nurses tried their best to calm me down because i was p much hysterical with anxiety, and they stung my hand and i went to sleep being pet. which was soothing and i remembered nothing, but this surgery is going to be... a lot bigger than that one. :< and i had complications during the gallbladder thing, i was stuck with a tube in my side for a week and a half. there's so many things that could go wrong comparatively, or problems that could arise. i might even need a second surgery if the cut bone doesn't start healing right..
That really sucks! but being in a place where you understand the language and having a surgeon you can trust will do a lot to make things go a bit easier. I'm rooting for you!
