Might as well then, and we'll see (tw)

So today and last night showed me that nobody wants to help irl. I don't deserve help. I'm trapped. Trapped in a loop where I will never enjoy my life. I hate the path I'm on. I have almost no friends and nobody I can truly be close to. I am unliked and avoided. I'm not worth shit and nobody is interested in offering me any sort of help. I'm tired and weak and unable to do anything. My life will remain like this. I can't fix things. I have nothing to look forward to. All that is constant is the grind and work and expectation and judgement.

I can't escape.

I'm tired and really not in the mood but I'm going to try and muster the energy for another suicide attempt and hopefully this time I'll actually do it because enough is enough. Idk maybe I'll fail again but I mean come on.

I'll now post in content from one of my pre-written suicide statements bc I'm too tired to say any more. It's an old one so probably out of date but w/e

 

... Or maybe I'll end up flopping the fuck around instead of getting right to it because I'm a fucking imbecile

 

Bullshit cowardly fucking

I should just delete this thread

 

FUCK I PULLED DOWN THE FUCKING CURTAIN RAIL TRYING TO EXTRICATE MY- aadhbfyjvdf

 

josie, are you okay?

 

And now I put pills in my mouth but don't have the fucking

I hate myself

 

josie.

call 999.

 

I'm not wearing clothes it'd be easier it somebody could convince me to swallow

 

They're sort of melting in my mouth anyway oops

 

josie, please call 999. please.

 

Idk if that's just the coating though?

 

what's the most comfortable thing you own that's clean right now?

go put that on.

find something soft and fuzz to pet.

 

Just tell me to swallow the damn pills

 

spit them out.

if you still want them in a few hours, they're right there.

but spit them out for right now.

 

No more goddamn deescalation they stay in my mouth until they get swallowed

 

Or melt away and are absorbed

 

josie, this isn't de-escalation, this is common sense.

those ones you have are all soggy by now. spit them out. rinse out your mouth with water. drink a glass of water. cold water.

 

Wtf my mouth is like burning that's probably bad lmao

 

spit them out.

rinse out your mouth with water. brush your teeth if you feel able to.

call 999.

 

Fine I fucking spat them out, fuck