Moderation protocol question/request

Discussion in 'The Undercity' started by hoarmurath, May 21, 2015.

  1. wes scripserat

    wes scripserat Hephaestus

    I don't know if I have much sway on this forum, and I haven't really interacted with you that much but:

    I have been on the receiving of behavior from someone who could be called evil.

    You are not evil. You blow up, yes, but I think a lot of people here have issues with that.
  2. Void

    Void on discord. Void#4020

    Exactly. I have done some really downright petty and nasty and horrible things to people. I also have anger issues. I have blown up at people in person and online. But it is really not a pissing contest. No one is evil, and we all have things that we have done or said that we regret.
    • Like x 1
  3. Mala

    Mala Well-Known Member

    @BPD anon I was one of the people you told to die during the spiders meltdown. It did hurt but tbh I was more worried that you'd just leave and never come back. But you did and you apologized so matter settled!

    It's clear that you do feel bad when you hurt someone and that you do care about the person hurt not just "i did something bad woe is me" otherwise you wouldn't be having the conversation in this thread. You do have moments of "I want to hurt this person" or "I'm horrible" but that seems more like brain fuckery talking than you. You don't want to hurt people, that's why you try to not blow up and apologize genuinely when you do. Too many people can't admit when they're wrong or hurtful and apologize for me to not appreciate that you do. (Drinking game, go through the ITA forum and take a shot for every person who can't or won't admit they're wrong and apologize (do not actually do this).)

    The moderation thing actually sounds like a pretty good idea. As a bonus, you and @seebs might be able to have conversations about the caught posts that might help you figure out how to catch yourself.
    • Like x 3
  4. AbsenteeLandlady123

    AbsenteeLandlady123 Chronically screaming

    just want to poke my head back in here again @seebs and give myself a warning. I had a major episode today and if my mum had not been here I would have been on the forums spewing my self-destructive vitriol. i might also be a good candidate for the moderation thing.
  5. Lissa Lysik'an

    Lissa Lysik'an Dragon-loving Faerie

    Hm - if it can be set up, it would be cool if people could do this. Volunteer to be moderated if they feel they might need it. I have family watching me 24/7 or I'd volunteer myself (and while working remote I might temporarily at times - fewer family people around to notice when my mood goes bad). Although that might make a load on the mods since we know Seebs is trying to keep the number of moderators low (too many mods means too much room for weird poop to come out looking like 'official forum dogma').
    • Like x 1
  6. hoarmurath

    hoarmurath Thor's Hammer

    Woke up now and I still think the moderating thing might be the best.

    I did say before I've hurt people too. It happens. The point is to learn how not to and how to deal with your stuff without hurting others and yourself in the process.

    Thank you for the edits, that is helpful!
  7. Rongeur

    Rongeur ~Heartless Bitch Extraordinaire~

    For what it's worth, I like you a lot. You offer really good insight into a lot of things, and you have genuine compassion for people and desire to do right by them in the long run. You recognize when your behavior has been out of bounds, and you legitimately want to improve it.

    Is there any way you might be okay with some kind of "buddy system"? Like, just having one or more third parties who you could trust to tap you on the shoulder when you were blowing up and remind you to take a minute to cool off.

    Edit: looks like this idea is pretty similar to the moderation idea some other people had.
    Last edited: May 22, 2015
  8. Vacuum Energy

    Vacuum Energy waterwheel on the stream of entropy

    I think I'd also be okay with volunteering to screen any such moderation queue, assuming you can get around the "too many cooks in the kitchen" problem.

    (I was on a forum once where literally anyone who was a regular got mod'd)

    (90% of us never used any of the powers)

    (so even this would be an improvement)
  9. jacktrash

    jacktrash spherical sockbox

    might be a while before beep weighs in, so we'll wait and see what they say.

    moderating one person's posts is no big, though seebs and luka and i tend to all sleep at the same time (cuz we live in the same place) so anyone moderated would have to wait if they posted while we're asleep. if we end up having a fair number of people wanting to be on moderation, though, i could definitely see having a few more mods, ideally a few on european time, so we don't get swamped.
  10. BPD anon

    BPD anon Here I sit, broken hearted

    I agree to moderation.
    • Like x 1
  11. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    Okay, so, there is a really really confusing thing, and I may have fucked it up, but.

    So far as I know, your posts are now moderated, and if you make a post, it'll go into a moderation queue until a mod gets to it. Which might be a while sometimes because we're tiny, but it should work okay. I think. Lemme know (through email or something) if you can't make things happen at all.
  12. BPD anon

    BPD anon Here I sit, broken hearted

    Test post
    • Like x 4
  13. jacktrash

    jacktrash spherical sockbox

    yay, i successfully approved a post!

    looks like it's working, beeps, you're good to go. :)
    • Like x 3
  14. Lissa Lysik'an

    Lissa Lysik'an Dragon-loving Faerie

    YAY! Now @BPD anon can feel safe posting again! *hugs*
    • Like x 5
  15. Beldaran

    Beldaran 70% abuse and 30% ramen

    @BPD anon I'm glad you're giving moderation a try instead of leaving.

    Here's the thing. I can be very kind. I have kind of a reputation for it here it seems. I can also be very unkind. I am in every way perfectly capable of being my mother's daughter, just as my mother before me chose in many ways to be the person she was. These are choices I make.

    It seems pretty clear to the people who know you best that you're not making the choice to be unkind. You're displaying symptoms. Then, when that is done, you choose to try and make amends despite how awful it feels for people to know you're capable of unkindness. You could choose to justify your symptomatic actions, you could choose to run from anyone who sees how you can be in order to hide it, you could even choose to embrace your symptoms as good and right things about yourself. But you don't choose any of these things, and that's what's important.

    Wanting to hurt someone during a meltdown is alarming for everyone involved. But you choose to place the blame for those impulses on yourself. An abuser would not do that.

    So, while I understand the impulse to skip town when you realize that other people can see the gritty parts of your illness, I think it is important that you stick around. It might not be the most comfortable thing, knowing that others know what you're capable of, but it's healing both to come into the light with it AND to let people who feel capable be with you through it.

    From what I've seen, you will not be anywhere near the worst thing people here have survived. You are not even the worst thing you have survived. Hopefully the forums will be a good opportunity to learn to let the people who want to be with you be with you, and let the others be.
    • Like x 9
  16. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    Beldaran's post speaks my mind on this topic. In particular: She is quite right to say that abusers do not, in general, accept blame for their actions.

    You are not a perfect person, but you are a person working to improve, and I am okay with that.
    • Like x 7
  17. Aya

    Aya words words words

    Leaving posts beyond a certain threshold in threads is probably a bad idea, but I feel a little weird about those posts just disappearing. It can be really confusing to jump into a thread and have a bunch of people reference something that is no longer present, and I don't like having stuff get straight up deleted as a general rule.

    I would personally be happier if there was some way of indicating posts were removed due to admin action (just saying that explicitly in a thread post could make things less confusing even if it ends up appearing slightly later in the thread).

    I also don't like having posts just disappear forever because it's useful to me to be able to check whether my memory of an event, which is often colored strongly by my emotional state at the time, reflects what actually happened. I have been known to get basic facts wrong, like the topic of disagreement or the people involved. But that leaves us with keeping those posts visible, and that doesn't sit well with me either. I don't have a good answer for this.
    • Like x 1
  18. rorleuaisen

    rorleuaisen Frozen Dreamer

    Hmmm. What if upsetting posts were edited by admins so that they are under a readmore/spoiler? If you put a simple title on it to inform people it's upsetting(or what ever phrasing feels applicable), that would leave it there so it's not just gotten rid of, but hidden so that when people go through a thread they aren't suddenly caught off guard.
    • Like x 5
  19. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    Dead Dove Do Not Eat.

    You have a point. And actually, all the deletes I've done are the reversible kind.
    • Like x 1
  20. Aya

    Aya words words words

    Proposal: while not a rule, etiquette is to act as if dead dove posts have actually been removed from the thread. You should not touch dead doves; they are biohazards. You cannot converse with a dead dove because dead things cannot talk. The dove only exists as (computer) memory.
    • Like x 5
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