My high school suggested that i drop out

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Fucker, Sep 20, 2020.

  1. Fucker

    Fucker Well-Known Member

    OK OK two threads in like less than a week? I know, i know. Its just that my life is extremely weird at the moment. I am just scouring the internet for advice. Again some more background on me

    TLWR should i drop out of high school? That is really the question here, everything else is just factors I've put down that give more context about what options i have and my general mentality.

    -I’m 19. I have spent 4 years in a high school for generally disenfranchised teens (its very small and you need a therapist/ties to CPS to be there. (Also for reference i do not live within the US or the European Union wrt laws)

    -I have major issues with authority, structured living and hierarchies. Idk what my problem is, its like I am always carrying around an attached twin with ODD. I have always struggled to stay in school and at times the anxiety just drives me crazy. I’m extremely stubborn and fairly cocky.

    -I don’t mean to be rick and Morty but i am like actually very intelligent. High school courses are way too easy for me and i get under stimulated and feel like I’m just showing up to do menial labor. This crashes badly with my stubborn nature because i just end up in a constant feedback loop of “wow this is so easy why even bother, and ‘oh god people think I’m an idiot because i don’t deliver but i hate the notion of having all my knowledge defined by a shitty, arbitrary paper when i know damn well i am smart,’’ (again, intelligence is not the problem here, being a stubborn ass that can’t focus on tasks that feel arbitrary is)

    -just assume i have ADHD. I do not have a diagnosis or anything but my C-PTSD and general scrambledness makes me a nightmare in the classroom

    -I’m very goal oriented. I know this sounds deluded, but i generally have my future planned out. Like, i have calculated how much revenue i need to make to retire, where I’m going to live in the future and how much money i will want to spend on expenses.

    -i am writing a book that will be fully done in 2021. It is illustrated and in my opinion pretty good as it is an ensemble fantasy that focuses a lot on like.. themes that i have firsthand experience with and that i find interesting. Its called extremophile and the general theme is about growing up in trauma and suffering and how jarring it is to have to adapt to and integrate into a society where all your former coping skills become obsolete and vulnerability is rewarded. This is not the right place to sperg but whatever. It also has dragons.

    -this is relevant because i think that if the book gets a cult following (it will be released as an e-book and possibly printed in kickstarted funded runs in the future to keep initial costs minimal) i could make a living off of it. This is a long shot but still. what I’m trying to say here is that my “dream job” is almost entirely marketing based, and a job that requires an education is kind of... secondary really. This of course makes it feel very arbitrary to continue struggling through an environment that i kind of really hate.

    -I’m fairly good at art, and i dont really mind menial work like grocery store stuff etc. i really do not want a white collar job because it sounds like absolute hell and i live for instant gratification and physical labor. Some artists have said i have a viable career if i just use social media more and i want to believe them.

    48288660-6CA4-4754-824C-A95F6F9F38CA.jpeg 59C881E5-ADDC-4C64-8FB9-279B98B7A873.jpeg

    ALL OF THIS
    brings us back to the initial problem. A few days ago i was pulled aside by some teachers and some ugly crying aside the general gist was “you are awful at turning things in, you are getting old and the best course of action might just be to drop out. I kinda reacted with shock to this because “uh the whole point of this school is to collect all the messes in the city in one place to make sure they dont end up doing bath salts instead of getting an education” and also like it hit under the belt so to speak in the sense that i get very defensive over being perceived as lazy or unappreciative. Not saying thats what was said, but i have a major chip on my shoulder about being a Leech on society and i *ties bootstraps* hate handouts or knowing other people pour resources into me that i can reciprocate. Thats another can of worms, tho.

    anyways, this has been extremely rambly, but the main issue right now is that i am confronted head first with this issue. I have for many years kind of used “I’m in high school” as a safety net to feel less bad about getting allowances from my parents, and i kind of get them on the premise that i fulfill my education. I feel like if i quit i will cause them a lot of grief, and i have the sense that unless i truly “make it” and exceed their expectations that will always be a burden on them/a stigma. On the other hand the thought of just.. quitting and starting my career feels liberating in a weird way. It’s like a dying corpse that has been holding me back for years, and that sits like a dark cloud above me. A really crazy part of me wonders if just saying “fuck it,” will be the push that makes me take my career to the next level and kickstarts me into the workforce.

    in the last few days i have

    -worked on my novel (duh)
    -sent in 5 resumes, my plan is to reach 30.
    -thought a LOT
    -talked to artists with careers who say i have potential
    -gone over a possible 3 year plan after my novel is done. It would be marketing on social media part time, but also curating a gallery to be able to apply for a government grant that would give me 2.500 usd a month over 3 years. This would be enough to live on while i adjust myself and establish myself in the art world. With that money i could also apply for an artist residency program ive been eyeing and make more connections (and also travel to the North Pole lol)

    I’m saying a bunch of shit but like.. this is a lot. There is such a huge stigma about being a high school dropout, and my parents tell me i will not have a career without, and that i will shut off a lot of doors. On the other hand academia has never appealed to me, and i know how to self study very well. (I have a passion for medicine, biology, sociology etc and I’m generally good at processing information and turning it into something useful. I’m also self taught in art ovbs)

    idk i guess what I’m coming back to is like.. is dropping out something i should even consider? It feels like such a harsh action, and i could either shit the bed or soar with a 50/50 either way. But then it is the fact that my future “dream job” does not involve academia and is generally dependent on marketing, talent and other things i do not necessary need a diploma to execute. The worst part of this would be the embarrassment/fear of being cut off/the 1-2 adjustment years where my parents fear for my wellbeing, and also overcoming my internalized inferiority complex and all the stuff I’ve heard about art being a waste of time.

    these are a lot of thoughts to have combined with all the other drama in my life lol. It’s intimidating to think about but also, again, the thought of dropping out feels very... freeing in a way? Idk i would like thoüghts
     
  2. Fucker

    Fucker Well-Known Member

    Bro why are all my threads so long lol i just want all the lore down
    ETA: the living in the North Pole part is not hyperbole, i have already contacted them prior to ask about rates
     
  3. Acey

    Acey a girl with a crown and a scepter

    I don’t know about the options in your country, but is there an equivalent to getting a GED? Because if so, that might be a good option for you.
     
    • Agree x 1
  4. Fucker

    Fucker Well-Known Member

    From what i can see, not really
     
    • Witnessed x 2
  5. seebs' mom

    seebs' mom Yes, really!

    FWIW, Seebs never graduated from high school. We took him off to China on a sabbatical year after ninth grade, he took college work there, and then he went directly to college when we got back. The US has no national laws about who can go to college at what age, and private colleges can accept anyone they choose.

    Both Bill Gates and Steve Jobs dropped out of college, they had more interesting things to do.

    It sounds as if you can focus effectively on something that does interest you. You can be putting together a portfolio now to showcase your art (which you're already doing). Start taking online courses from reputable places (either for credit or certification) that do interest you enough that you do well, to demonstrate you can do college work. At some point being off the standard path becomes an asset, not a disadvantage. Being from another country is a plus, too, if you're otherwise made yourself so interesting and unusual that a college wants you (private colleges think like that -- not state universities that have hidebound admissions bureaucracies overseen by state education departments staffed by control freaks).
     
    • Informative x 1
  6. rorleuaisen

    rorleuaisen Frozen Dreamer

    Seconding dropping out. Highschool diploma is really only worth something if you are going down a more traditional education/job route. Only 1 of my 5 siblings graduated highschool and all but one of them is independent. I have a friend who dropped out, while I graduated. We got the same job. Same pay. Same bullshit.
    If you can get a ged equivalent that should be more than enough to open doors to jobs should your original plan fall through, but also, labor jobs aren’t usually that picky tbh. I think my first job just asked me to fill out a common sense multiple choice quiz before they hired(plus background check). Basically, it is more important when you do things traditionally. And I think forcing yourself through would cuz you to lose more time and resources than if you just left.
     
    • Agree x 2
    • Informative x 1
  7. Fucker

    Fucker Well-Known Member

    I’m valuing and thinking of these options, sorry for the late af reply ive just been thinking a lot and wasnt sure hw to respond but i appreciate your thoughts and i will consider them
     
    • Like x 1
  8. devils-avocado

    devils-avocado tired and gay

    there's been kind of a trend in north america to like. ask every job applicant if they have a hs diploma, regardless of the level of job it is, but tbh I don't know that ppl get turned away for NOT having it? and for self-employment it literally makes no difference. if you have the skills, the plan, and a portfolio/experience, you're pretty much set. the last few years of school over here are all geared towards college prep anyways. I've known folks who got their hs certificates years later, when they decided to apply for college classes, and they had jobs in the intervening time.

    honestly, if it's making you miserable and it won't add anything useful to your actual life goals, then set urself free my dude.
     
    • Agree x 1
    • Informative x 1
  9. Fucker

    Fucker Well-Known Member

    Update:

    it seems i will pass the classes this year, which is good. My book will be published by april so the whole semester is.. kind of accounted for? this gives me around 10 months of buffer to make any kind of huge descisions
     
    • Like x 3
  10. Fucker

    Fucker Well-Known Member

    This years focus
    -make friends and sosialize in school.
    -pass the classes
    -publish my story
    -network/distribution/marketing

    So far so good.. depending on factors i will drop out next year idk.. we will see
     
    • Like x 1
  11. Fucker

    Fucker Well-Known Member

    Blue are completed classes. Yellow are classes i will take next year, having both grades of math in one year is.. hmmm but i will live. Alternatively i can take the course off campus/through a homeschooling class

    idk i think i can graduate next year maybeee?? If i make enough money from my art in the 5 months i will be promoting my art and book, i could be able to move closer to school, which has been a hindrance for me (my school is about an hour away from my house)
    huh
     

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