My mom stuff

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by rorleuaisen, Mar 12, 2015.

  1. rorleuaisen

    rorleuaisen Frozen Dreamer

    Ugh. So my mom informed me today that she is looking into some treatments for her PTSD/BPD. Specifically, she's looking into doing DBT, ACT, and/or Memory work. I don't know what this all entails(gonna try and gather some spoons to look them up), but she tells me that this is very likely going to make her very emotional and dependent. Being as I live with my parents atm, this will affect me. And I'm not sure if I can or even should deal with this(see me being a burned out depressed person).

    So, we talked about this and we brought up some concerns. The big one being that these circumstances could land us in the co-dependent hole that our relationship used to be. We both agree we do not want this. She is of the belief that we are smarter about it and can avoid the hole. I believe that I am all sorts of broken. I don't have much faith in my broken self, much less my mother if she is going to become dysfunctional/irrational(again). I moved out the first time in part because of her dependency and mood swings(she was going off her drugs that she had been taking for years, fun times!). I have been coping with her recent depressive spiral(which triggered all sorts of events and changes, like this one), but I have been avoiding her for the most part. I'm not sure if I'll be able to avoid her if things change again.

    And I'm just so tired of everything these days. Especially bad things. I just want to fix myself for once. I actually feel like putting myself first instead of enduring and enduring through others' trials. And logically, yes, I want her to get better. I want her to get treatment, but I'd rather it happen in a vacuum so the shit doesn't hit me.

    And I'm kinda pissed, because I was actually happy and excited about life before our conversation. Now I am back to being vaguely numb and unsatisfied.

    Oh! And the icing on the cake(and I'm gonna actually kinda fight this one), she wants me to mediate between her and my oldest sister(who really really really does not like or want much of anything to do with our mother). My mom wants to talk to her in person because she is invested in repairing the relationship(my sister is not). And my mom wants to tell/warn my sister that she will become worse for a while(because of said treatments), so not to hate her for it?? I don't even know. I know my sister won't care. I know she'll think it's another overly emotional, attention getting maneuver(my sisters are convinced she has munchausen syndrome. I am 95% certain she does not). Anyways, I really don't want to be a part of it.

    Sigh... So this is mostly just me whining, but I am open to any council or advise. Maybe a perspective that isn't nearly as mired in all of this. Bleh bleh bleh....
  2. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    DBT should be pretty helpful, I think. I would tend to advise your mom to leave the sister thing alone for now, because if the sister does not want to have contact with her, then a good first step in treating BPD would be to respect that boundary.
    • Like x 2
  3. Kaylotta

    Kaylotta Writer Trash

    I agree with @seebs - now doesn't seem to be a good time to try to repair bridges. Also, it's not your responsibility to mediate for your mother, just fyi. (I deal with the same thing on a different tangent.)

    And you're quite right that this does affect you, and I'm glad that you seem to be able to talk about this (at least somewhat) with your mom. You're absolutely right to be concerned about your own mental health, and you absolutely need to take care of yourself first. This may mean being unavailable for your mom on occasion, and that's okay. I hope you and she can come to a mutual understanding of how your relationship will work over the next while as she starts therapy.

    Good luck! and many hugs!
    • Like x 3
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