Need advice on making gynecologist appointment pls

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Panda, Jul 30, 2017.

  1. Panda

    Panda Fuzzy critter

    So I have a whole lot of trouble with going to doctors when I need it and I'd like... some advice? and nudging would be cool too.

    Btw healthcare isn't an issue, I'm more worried about the interpersonal side of things and logistics and stuff.

    The thing that's most important right now is that I need to schedule an appointment with a gynecologist some time next week.

    I'm 29, I've never been (which I know is irresponsible and is probably going to get me weird looks when I go there) but it's very, very likely I have PCOS.
    Like, the first 24 hours of my period I'm popping pain killers as often as my nurse wife says it's okay, which is a lot. It's OTC stuff and my pain level's still at a heavy 4. Also I bleed a *lot*, like fill up a menstrual cup in 4 hours
    And for the whole 4 days I'm super super anxious, want to hurt myself (not caused by a non-period trigger or dysphoria) and keep thinking about killing myself so casually it's scary while not even being remotely suicidal the rest of the month
    and that's why my partner very heavily suggests I go see a professional. And she's right of course, the thought just scares the hell out of me.
    Thing is, I'm also trans (pre-T so it's just a... I don't like to be referred to as female as far as the doctor's concerned I think) and a survivor of sexual assault.

    I found a doctor online who looks like what I want (not too old, female, not too far away from home, excellent reviews) and I can email them too which is great because I have horrible phone anxiety.
    Just... what do I say?

    I mean I don't want to unnecessarily dump my entire life story but I just want to make sure that the doctor knows I'm a survivor before I go in there (bc I'm not sure I could say that to her face, I go non-verbal sometimes), ideally I'd like to give the doc a heads up on me being trans too so... they don't freak because I freak? And maybe I can get the doc to use my preferred name?
    And so like, I can let her know that I want her to explain what she'll be doing before she does it and stuff. Maybe that's how they usually do it but I'd like to be sure.

    So if anyone has any advice on how to phrase any of this in a more coherent way than I do I'd really appreciate any advice.
    Or if you have any tips on how to get over the anxiety or just... anything, really.

    Sorry if this is in the wrong place btw ._.
     
  2. Squid

    Squid *contents may vary*

    I was in a similar situation of not going untill I was 25.

    Definitely tell your doctor about the pain, bleeding, and ideation. You don't have to go into detail but your doctor needs to know your symptoms in order to give you the appropriate care. Worst case scenario she'll be able to refer you to someone who can help you with specific symptoms.

    Also you should definitely tell her about your pronouns and being a survivor. It's her job to help and take care of you and she's almost certainly trained in caring for abuse and assault survivors. As for wording maybe something along the lines of: I have some anxiety caused by past trauma and it would make me more comfortable if you could explain each step before preforming it. It would also help me greatly with anxiety and comfort if you could refer to me as (name) and use male pronouns.

    I'm not an expert but I hope this helps.
     
    • Like x 1
  3. Chiomi

    Chiomi Master of Disaster

    I am almost 28 and have also never been to a gyno, just a GP, so it's not that weird! And good for you pursuing something that will probably have a huge impact on your quality of life.

    I'd just go for the email thing? Something along the lines of 'I'm anxious about a couple things coming in and wanted to be able to clear things up ahead of time. I'd prefer to go by [name] and [x] pronouns in the office and the system if at all possible [with a bit about billing being different if billing is different]. I also have a trauma history that means that I'd be a lot more comfortable with being told exactly what's going to happen before it happens. That same trauma history means I also sometimes go non-verbal, which is why I'm emailing. I'd really like to discuss [abbreviated symptom list] when I come in.'

    Like, wording super malleable, but a slightly formal conversational tone that frames the information you're providing as explicitly related to what you need and want them to do avoids it being in any way tmi. I also tend towards telling no one anything ever, which is why the sample wording doesn't explicitly say 'trans' or 'survivor' and just implies it. There's nothing wrong with providing more information? I just prefer the firmer framing of something being your preference - the client preference - without trying it up with transness, even though it's obvious? Because people are primed to think they have a right to an opinion about trans stuff, but primed to obey the client, and so appealing to slightly different aspects of socialization seems slightly more likely to result in acquiescence without any additional fuss.

    Also I am a perpetual fan of the ambiguous 'trauma history.' Did it involve the obvious? Did it involve aliens? They don't know, and it'd be rude to ask.
     
    • Like x 2
  4. Panda

    Panda Fuzzy critter

    Thank you both!

    Good to know I'm not alone on having my first appointment >25, the usual expectation here is for people to have their first appointment at 16 or so and that just made me feel... weird. But if I'm not the only one that's good.

    I'm definitely going with email, that's much easier. If I'm anxious I can barely talk on the phone anyway.

    @Chiomi

    Oooh, I really like the phrasing 'trauma history', I also prefer not to divulge my abuse history unless I have to so that's just the perfect thing to say, thank you!

    Also, good point on the not tying my preferences re: Name and pronouns to trans-ness, that's a very good idea, I'll definitely keep it that in mind!
     
    • Like x 1
  5. Saro

    Saro Where is wizard hut

    Just popping in to say I had my first actual gyne appointment at 27, hopefully that helps alleviate some anxiety
     
    • Like x 1
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice