Need to move out of family's house, unsure how to tell them

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Re Allyssa, Sep 23, 2018.

  1. Re Allyssa

    Re Allyssa Sylph of Heart

    So, I'm writing this post on behalf of my boyfriend. He's at work right now and was hoping to get some responses before he gets home. His online name is Kyo, so that's what I'll use because these things are easier with names.

    Kyo is 28 and is living in his grandparents' house. His mom never moved away from home, though her sisters did and they now live near by.

    A little background for our relationship - We met on Neopets about 12 years ago now. We immediately were very close, and he and mom even got to be very close. over the years a lot has happened, but we never really stopped talking. A year ago this Friday will be our first anniversary of actually being together, but honestly it feels longer given how long we've known each other and been there for each other. Hell, when I was in high school, my mom and I were trying to convince him to go to college out near us so that he could live with us. That was before I even admitted to myself any romantic feelings, lol.

    Which brings us to his family. In my opinion they're abusive. Or, at least his mom is and the rest of them are toxic and enablers. Kyo doesn't feel this way, but he agrees that the environment is toxic for him and that he might be able to go as a person if he moves away.

    So, I want him to move in with me, on the other side of the country. This obviously very daunting. Thankfully I did a N/S cross country move about this time last year, so I have a decent idea of what to expect, just, longer lol. Here he'll also have my support network, as well as my parents who are Super on board with the plan.

    We've kind of been planning on it happening since we got together, more so after the new year and especially at the beginning of the summer. We pretty much have everything accounted for, all that's left is for him to tell his family that it's happening and for him to put in his two weeks at work.

    The problem is that his family is almost definitely not going to be supportive about this. They didn't really understand why he wanted to come visit me when we started dating. They've been known to say things like, "Why would you move out when you have free rent right here? It doesn't make any sense."

    He told his grandma he was thinking about it and she told him that he was making a huge mistake and he didn't know what he was doing; he couldn't know.

    His aunt, A, has been really supportive, but she'll only say "you gotta do what you gotta do." His other aunt, K, has been a bit supportive as well, but I don't think they've talked about it much.

    Kyo's mom is just... going to pitch a huge tantrum and be upset because [my thoughts] oh no something is out of her control that can't be -_-

    He's at least aware that his mom going to be difficult with this. He is hoping there's some way to break the news to his grandparents to make it least-bad.

    At this point, he's scared about the outcome and he keeps saying he doesn't know how to go about doing this, so I thought I'd ask Kintsugi for help. If I need to explain anything in more detail, I can. I know I left out a lot of stuff, but this post is long enough as is. :P
  2. NevermorePoe

    NevermorePoe Nevermore

    It sounds like youve got the logistical problems sorted out, having him explain that and that he's carefully planned this might help with his grandparents. It might help if he told them he has a backup plan of some sort, even if he doesn't have one.
    • Agree x 3
    • Useful x 1
  3. keltka

    keltka the green and brown one

    I'm not sure if they're the type of people that hard facts work on but if you can definitively provide evidence that something like job prospects/access to stuff (like libraries, or community activities, or further education if he's interested in that) would be better where you are, that's what worked on my relatives
    • Useful x 1
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