Not okay yet

guess once the unwillingness to assert myself is gone, what you get is a complete asshole. How do I go back to being a doormat?

 

fucked up how when other people have a problem with me, they can be as passive-aggressive as they like and me responding is a problem, though

 

"you are all obligated to impose this unnatural way of interacting on yourselves, but that's not a rule, because otherwise we would have rules, which would be Bad."

 

Horrible thought: all this "say whatever you want as long as it's secret" stuff totally means they're saying terrible, terrible things about me where I can't see. They'll never just let me know how much they hate me.

 

I tried to keep out of this thread because of how horrible it apparently is for me to vent about anything, but it turns out I actually fuckong need it. can't get the unban for some reason, i've requested it multiple times. in reports like they say you're supposed to. am i just the exception?

 

whatever. feelingsvomit ahoy. here there be flying forks, case-shot and langrage, nails and crushed glass.

 

this is what i have been wanting to say but couldn't figure out how to express it. THIS is how I feel about "it's not a rule but I'm going to scold you for not doing it". this is not some malevolent desire to hurt people by forcing them to break rules with my fucking mind control powers that make everythong OTHER people do wrong in conflicts I'm in somehow my fault. this is me wanting some kind of assurance of what's expected of me and what i cab expect from other people and that those things aren't secretly unequal. which they have seemed to be. for a long-ass time.

 

http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/015056.html and just so people cant keep sayig they didn't know, THIS IS WHAT I MEAN BY VENT THREAD. it's where i throw my fucking forks so they dont get in the wy of other things. jesus fucking christ.

 

i fucking hate my birthday.

 

I've always used PMs for ban+unban requests. Reports may function differently when you're banned from the subforum? idk, what post are you reporting?

 

they say to use reports instead though, because alerts disappear when viewed while reports stick around until resolved. amd ive done it on some of my (main account's) profile posts and on the profile itself, i cant even access this subfforum on that account to do a report here so i dont think that would affect it?

ty for trying to hel[

 

the only person who hates their birthday more than i hate mine is Douglas Fucking Eiffel i swear

 

actually fuck "seemed". i cross lines with other people that werent defined at all until after the fact, i get lectured. other people cross WELL defined lines with me... i get lectured for having a problem with it.

 

careful, Wax, don't want to get too corrupted by my terrible influence

 

People are confusing and contradictory. Witnessed.

 

Sometimes some of the nails are still useful. Maybe there could be a rule-of-thumb like "wait at least 24hrs and then ask if the person still thinks Thing." Or something. IDK. I need to go back in to work early tomorrow. I should have been asleep hours ago. Can't sleep.

 

Ty mods for unban

Also it is too cold to be fucking sweating like this