Panic attack room!

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by vegacoyote, Apr 27, 2015.

  1. vegacoyote

    vegacoyote dog metaphores and pedanticism

    (TW animal death, flashbacks)

    Well, not really a panic attack, maybe? Because I don't really get the whole flailing-out-of-control-sudden-conviction-of-my-own-impending-DOOOOOOM thing, i just get sudden sobbing with no apparent external cause thing, so maybe call it "triggered by ridiculous shit."

    This time it was the ADHD post by Ashkatom, and some people who reblogged after her. I wanted to reblog it, see? Cause it struck a cord and was interesting and I have ADHD too

    and then I remembered that my mom also has ADHD and i still can't stop blaming her for forgetting she'd put my dog in the car on a hot summer day and hadn't left the windows open I always left the windows open in my car even when my dog wasn't in there I always left them open and that's why and now she's dead oh god oh god

    fuck i'm crying again

    anyway it's been coming up on two years since this happened and I still

    get this

    from stupid shit

    like, i can now think about temperature regulation of any kind or feel noticeable heat or cold on my face without flashing back

    but it keeps coming back over weird, unrelated shit (like the ADHD thread) and I keep being mad at Mom and my dog's still dead and I'm still uselessly dripping viscous fluid from my facial orifices over it

    i don't know if it's possible to get advice for this, but i haven't really been able to make it through writing it down anywhere before just now
     
  2. pixels

    pixels hiatus / only back to vent

    Sounds panicky and also PTSD. Just remember, feelings aren't logical. That's why we call them feelings. Your feelings about this are valid.

    My deepest sympathies that this happened to you. It's saddening and maddening and you have every right to feel the way you feel, even two years later. *passes you a tissue so you can wipe your face, then passes a second to you with a lipstick print on it so you can put a kiss on your forehead*

    You know, you're always welcome to talk about it here, and we'll always be here to listen. Even if you feel like your posts are incoherent. Even if you feel like this is stupid and no one cares. We'll be here, if you want help processing.
     
    • Like x 4
  3. Kaylotta

    Kaylotta Writer Trash

    Amen. What @pixels said, 100%.
     
    • Like x 2
  4. Deresto

    Deresto Just a critter

    okay so i'm going to assume by the title that this is for anyone freaking out and not just that one person but i am indeed freaking out so uh sorry if this isn't the place idk i'm out of sorts right now.

    so my sister goes to a special school an hour away for kids with mental illness, it's really just a regular school only there's a quiet room and therapists on site and it's sort of inpatient - y? ok that's not the point, the point is she's an hour away and she passed out and she's done this before a long time ago and they didn't know what it was then either but they thought it was a blood pressure thing and they want my mom to come get her and take her to the hospital but she was at a dentist appointment with me and couldn't leave until i got out and she was acting really flippant about the whole thing and said "not again" and "there goes my whole day" like five times. she's basically treating the whole situation like a huge inconvenience instead of actually worrying about my sister. and i can't figure out if she was trying not to panic me or she really doesn't care and i'm worried about my sister and and pissed at my mom and i'm.

    just. sorry for i don't even know.
     
    • Like x 2
  5. vegacoyote

    vegacoyote dog metaphores and pedanticism

    That is absolutely a thing that is OK to do. I kind of titled the thread that way because I'm not super-comfortable making a whole thread for just me, and I bet others might feel the same way.

    About your mom... I don't know her, so I won't rule out the possibility that she is being a jerk, but do you think it's possible she's reacting that way to keep herself from freaking out? Either way, it might be worth letting her know it's upsetting to you when she acts like that. (I say "might" since, again, I don't know your mom, and from the sample of people's mothers on this forum, it's hard to know whether a given person's mom is a force to be reasoned with, or merely survived. But if she's the "reasoned with" sort, letting her know how you feel about how she's acting might be a good place to start.)

    I hope your day gets better, and I really hope your sister's OK. *hugs*
     
  6. albedo

    albedo metasperg

    @vegacoyote Oh my god, that's awful. All the hugs, that does sound like PTSD, and flashbacks are the worst. I get triggered by fifty-degree-weather, which is similarly maddening, I suspect.

    It gets better, but it takes a long time. Best advice I've got - Don't push things away and repress them. Just know that once you've told the story enough times, and gone over it enough, the sharp edges will wear down, like water wearing down a stone. It still hurts, it still sucks, but I don't get panic attacks and flashbacks anymore. It's not being bad and unhealthy to still be worried about it, to still be telling that story in your head; it's your brain's way of getting a grip on it.
     
    • Like x 1
  7. vegacoyote

    vegacoyote dog metaphores and pedanticism

    Sorry these images are so large, photoshop "upgrades" have been giving me trouble.

    frankie 3.jpg

    frankie 4.jpg

    frankie 5.jpg

    frankie 1.jpg

    frankie 2.jpg

    I've tried to post these before, but was unable.
     
    Last edited: May 12, 2015
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