Vent pixels's panic room

I'm getting tested for EDS soon as well. Or well, as soon as we figure out where to get the testing stuff done.
Having already fought my way to a diagnosis for Psoriasis Arthritis diagnosis, here's a few things that have helped:

• go to a Rheumatologist if possible. They're the specialist, and they know that auto-immune disorders are currently believed to be more statistically likely to be diagnosed in AFAB people, whether that's due to underreporting from AMAB people or higher occurence.
• If a doctor shaped person dismisses you, answer with "I want it to be noted in my file that you chose not to run tests." Be firm on this. It will scare the living shit out of most doctors and make them comply a lot easier.
• Don't minimize symptoms, and ideally bring a pain/symptom diary if you know how to do those.
• ask for solutions to manage pain or discomfort, even if the doctors are being dismissive. Do not leave until they have given you something you can do to improve your current symptoms, or referred you to a specialist that can help you.

The *good* thing about having diagnoses for this kind of is that even if there's no cure there's a lot you can do to slow the worst of all the bullshit down so you don't gotta suffer so much. Physio Therapy is largely Annoying As Hell, but it does help, and kinesology tape is a great but discreet way of keeping nonsense together so long as you're not allergic to the glue. Plus it's not even super obvious what it's for, a lot of Athletic People use them if they have mild muscle or joint injuries to alleviate strain a little, at least around here.

Also Wlecome back, I hope you feel better soon.
ETA: also I always have my mom in the doctor's office with me to help advocate but I dunno if that's something that can be done where you live? So if nothing else helps, bringing Husband as moral support might help. Also as 'glowering at the medical establishment angrily' support.

 

mmmmm wanna die

 

Just because I do this every year, happy birthday to me. I’m 30 and this is the worst one. Including the 21st one when I spent the day on the couch suicidal.

We are still in the middle of a trial at work so I have been out of town for the past two weeks. I didn’t have to travel today but I slept pooorly last night and my birthday started out with a panic attack waking me up at 1 am.

I had to apply for a shitty loan with shitty terms because we’re facing a cash shortfall at home since my husband can’t keep a job. He incurred new debt last month without asking me (once without telling me until today). We need the cash until he can start at a new place which he can’t aince he doesn’t have his birth certificate, name change order or ssn card which cost money to replace. I now can’t teust him with finances or with his own crucial life documents becUse of his brain.

He’s crunbin g emotionally too. And it falls on me to fix it. I structured my day around getting this loan when it’s his fault we need it. Went to where he wanted to eat when he wanted to eat even though we shouldn’t be eating out that’s how little money we have.

He broke down crying three separate times. He’s going though a bad breakup that I told both people multiple times was bad. Husband is finally going to therapy but last weekend his therapist sent him to the Er for suicidal ideation. Just another bill we can’t afford. I need to be in therapy too because I’ve been suicidal on and off for a month and a half but I’m needed at work and husband needs it more and we can’t even afford that much. So I’m screwed and my health doesn’t matter.

My extended family seems to have decided that because I couldn’t afford to go home for Christmas I don’t deserve anything nice for my birthday. I didn’t get any cards from anyone. My dad called (and I had to deal with my mom in the backgriund) and my brother texted and my husband brought me a croissant that we couldn’t afford but that’s it. Just the mounting feeling of dread over debt and wishing I was dead rather than dealing with any of this.

I’m tired of hisvand’s brain. It’s like dealing with someone with a brain injury and I love him but I can’t do this. It’s so exhausting. I don’t get any support. Instead of being comforted today he went ahead and smoked in my car and took my cbd pen and got hammered at “my” “birthday” “lunch” because he felt bad. He overate and overdrank and made himself my problem for today instead of helping me and putting himself second for one fucking day.

I don’t know if this loan pplicagoon is fin g to go through. I don’t know what we’ll do if it doesn’t. I had to buy a flight last week for work and I barely have time to pick up that check be off I go out again on Monday for this stupid trial that never ends. Work owes me over $400 but when I can’t get into the office to pick up a physical check it doesn’t matter. I already had to go to the office twice on my birthday to look for hisband’s leva documents and prove my income to this loan place.

I really just want to die but it’s apparent to me that no one cares. So few even cared that it was my birthday. I need money and I’m out of goodwill. I’m 30. I’m trapped in the worst place in the world emotionally and I don’t see a way out.

No need to reply I just needed to vent this has literally been one of the worst days in my life

 

I know you said no need to reply, and if you don't want people to reply period I'll delete this, but I'm so, so sorry you're dealing with so much bullshit, and I sincerely wish there was anything I could do to help. I know it's been a while but you're damn cool in my book.

Try and hang in there. I'm not gonna tell you it gets better or whatever because I'm not a psychic, but I certainly hope it does. (And if there's anything we can do to help you let us know! <3)