I keep doing this thing where I will see somewhere I'd like to make a comment, see someone I'd like to talk to, even get as far as writing up a long, thoughtful post to add to a conversation or an answer to a question... and then the little thoughts in the back of my head will come up with "It's not topical enough, you just want to talk about yourself," "It's already been said, everyone will think you're stupid for repeating that," "You're oversharing again, you always do that," "You can't word that right, can you, that's not good enough to post," "That's a stupid comment, why are you mentioning that?" "What, you're just going to jump in? You can't do that, you don't have enough to say, you won't be welcome." Sometimes I push through it, but the more important the topic is to me, the more likely I am to just delete what I was writing. It's already happened twice on this forum, and... I know it's kind of needy and I'm sorry, but can I get some reassurance that my worries are unfounded? I'd also really like some advice on convincing my brain that it is being irrational, because this kind of sucks. I do not trust my own social abilities among peers or semi-peers, which is sort of the root of this, but does not make it easy to correct.
This is social anxiety, and I know it 'cause I do it. It's OK; even if you do talk about yourself a little much or over-share a bit or make other minor mistakes, it's not critical, you'll probably notice it way before anyone else does, and things for which you're probably beating yourself up over are probably not even visible to others. I promise if I see you making any mistakes that matter I'll let you know. But I haven't.
Your worries are unfounded. I've been feeling the exact same way. It sucks, but at least this is the internet, where everything can revised like eight times before you say it.
I also get this problem sometimes! It sucks when it happens in class discussions, because sometimes when I think there's nowhere I can contribute I just don't and it costs me points. But the really cool thing about Seebs and about this forum as an extension of Seebs' inbox and social circle with its conventions is that a) people are very likely to be interested in other people, even if it isn't immediately topical, and b) people are likely to just tell you if they consider your behavior to be out of line. It's great and I find it very freeing! Also in general, practicing in a lower-stakes environment can help one recalibrate so that in something that is not quite as much of a safe space as this is, one will have better heuristics for judging appropriate response, even when one's brain is being a dick.
Or even afterwards! And you're among likeminded / similarly afflicted people; I imagine there's a fair degree of tolerance for any mistakes one makes anyway.
I'm doing the same damn thing too, it's very frustrating. Also, Seebs is our benevolent dictator, and presumably will tell us if we do something really wrong rather than sparing our feelings, because he does not empathy. :D
Yeah, that's totally social-anxiety. I got it too. Honestly, I usually just try to force my way through it. The forum thing is starting to get to me because one of my little safety nets was that I could trust Seebs to tell me off if I did something wrong. But one of the mantras I use for more one-on-one interactions is "respecting the other person enough to let them establish their boundaries, instead of me thinking MY judgement of the situation is better". Not sure if I'm explaining it well or not...
That's one of the reasons that I'm posting here as a non-anon, yeah. On the one hand, very non-judgmental people who will be willing to point out mistakes without there being the unspecified terrible consequences my brain thinks will come from those mistakes. On the other hand, awesome, reasonable, non-judgemental people that I respect and would like to respect me, which raises the mental bar. And the loss of Seebs as a safety net is also causing me some stress, I'm glad I'm not the only one to feel that way. And I'm really glad I'm not the only one whose brain is being a dick in this specific manner. And thank you to everyone who's offered to point out if I do mess up, I would like that.
I think this is going to turn out to be a really good place for brain problem effected people. This is actually the first forum I've managed to post on. Ever.
I feel you on that. There's something really nice about directly talking to one specific person, whose behaviour I know a lot about and that I'm sure is, well, Benevolent. And Seebs just has this kinda otherworldly quality of... Seebsness. Like, he's the only person I've met that's remotely like him.
Yeah, that's pretty clearly The Anxieties at Work. Which, creating a space where it's okay to post anyway is kind of the intent of this whole adventure, I feel? You're fine, and you'll do fine, and Other Reassuring Comments Here.
Not sure if helpful, ignore if not: Remember that if you do something wrong, and make everyone hate you, you can just make a sub-account and start posting from that, and no-one will know It's basically like having extra lives (and thinking about it that way is making it a lot easier to push past my own anxieties)
