Profile post discussion [split]

Discussion in 'The Undercity' started by AbsenteeLandlady123, May 31, 2016.

  1. swirlingflight

    swirlingflight inane analysis and story spinning is my passion

    Hmm. My hope was that a community vent thread would silence the "no, this isn't important enough to deserve a thread" kinds of doubts, and feel less like it's taking up space. It sounds like it wouldn't work that way for you?

    One idea that comes to mind now is, we could use the venting thread for the material itself, and then say in the status post "hey guys I could use some attention/feedback in the vent thread"?
     
    • Like x 3
  2. Arxon

    Arxon Well-Known Member

    In that case can we please, please, please have some sort of working definition of triggering? I know this is very hard and should be obvious but I have no idea where the line is or what topics are most common triggers because I have always been terrible at discerning people's reactions to what I'm saying.
     
    • Like x 5
  3. Codeless

    Codeless Cheshire Cat

    Perhaps a stickytopic with a list of common triggers for general reference?
     
    • Like x 2
  4. AbsenteeLandlady123

    AbsenteeLandlady123 Chronically screaming

    One thing I do sometimes when I need someone to pay attention to me, but am also worried that the thing will be upsetting, is refer to a sort of script I have on a sticky note on my desktop.
    "I'm feeling really upset about a thing, and I'd like to talk about it, but it might be triggery or upsetting for you too. Can we talk or should I go somewhere else?"
    This best works for when I have something on my mind with a specific person, but I think it could be adapted for general use fairly easily.
    Maybe something like: "Hey guys, is anyone able to talk to me about [general conversation topic] in [thread, pm, skype etc]? I need to talk to someone."
     
    • Like x 5
  5. AbsenteeLandlady123

    AbsenteeLandlady123 Chronically screaming

    Specifics of abuse, mentions of self-harm of any sort, specifics of suicidal ideation.
    Saying "I'm feeling suicidal right now" is one thing, saying "Wow I want to pop 100 pills right now" is another, for example.
     
    • Like x 2
  6. Arxon

    Arxon Well-Known Member

    Here is where I reveal I am a terrible person, because I want attention but I don't want to ask for it because that's demanding so
    I just kinda try and manipulate people into responding to me by posting in the most public areas
    I'm being completely self serving here i should probably just shut up
     
  7. Aondeug

    Aondeug Cringe Annoying Ass Female Lobster

    Sexual abuse and rape are pretty common too.
     
    • Like x 1
  8. AbsenteeLandlady123

    AbsenteeLandlady123 Chronically screaming

    That doesn't make you a terrible person! Some people can't ask directly for attention, it can take huge amounts of practice to be able to do it.
    Sometimes I can't do it either, in which case I tend to make super vague distressed noises until someone asks what is wrong.
     
    • Like x 4
  9. swirlingflight

    swirlingflight inane analysis and story spinning is my passion

    Except this isn't completely self-serving, because the questions you raised are useful ones that are very, very likely in other peoples' minds, and by asking them you've gotten us thinking about potential ways of addressing them. The point of this thread is to figure out ways for us to reduce the harm experienced by all members of the forum. That means the people who are hurt by seeing profile posts on various subjects and people who use the profile posts as a means of communicating their needs alike.
     
    • Like x 6
  10. Aondeug

    Aondeug Cringe Annoying Ass Female Lobster

    If it helps any I do that sort of thing too at times? Either because I'm too embarrassed or it hurts too much or whatever the hell else sometimes I am just left poking at people until someone pays attention to me.
     
    • Like x 1
  11. AbsenteeLandlady123

    AbsenteeLandlady123 Chronically screaming

    Yeah, that's one of the reasons I have my script on a sticky note, because I can copy and paste in an instant rather than having to work myself up to it c:
     
    • Like x 1
  12. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    I'm not super clear on this, but I'd probably go with suicide, self-harm, violence, rape, and abuse (especially child abuse). Those seem to be topics that are sufficiently frequently triggering to be worth thinking about.
     
    • Like x 3
  13. swirlingflight

    swirlingflight inane analysis and story spinning is my passion

    And of course we'll run into the your mileage may vary questions of just what things are and aren't abuse... but we already know that's a question a lot of us struggle with. That's why we've got a whole forum named for it.
     
    • Like x 2
  14. Lissa Lysik'an

    Lissa Lysik'an Dragon-loving Faerie

    They read as exactly the same thing to me.
     
    • Like x 2
  15. AbsenteeLandlady123

    AbsenteeLandlady123 Chronically screaming

    It's the specifics - there's nothing wrong with letting people know that you're feeling suicidal. Talking about how you want to kill yourself though, is a commonly triggering thing.
    Another example:
    "Flashbacks suck" vs "Flashing back to when [X] did [Y] to me"
     
    • Like x 2
  16. Beldaran

    Beldaran 70% abuse and 30% ramen

    Communicating method with the implication that you have the means to carry out that method is more distressing than simply communicating the feeling.

    This distinction actually has legal ramifications, and is good to look out for. For example, if a therapist hears "I feel suicidal" they can simply talk to you about it. If a therapist hears "I feel like doing x to myself" that gets into the "planning" stage of suicidal thoughts, and is a more serious matter that they're legally obligated to take preventative measures with.
     
    • Like x 3
  17. Aondeug

    Aondeug Cringe Annoying Ass Female Lobster

    I read the second one as a joke first, but that's probably because of my private sense of humor and lack of context. Like in context that would ping my "Oh gods no" panic reaction pretty hard. More so than "I am feeling suicidal". Which is clinical feeling, which I think I read as "In control of the situation to an extent". Whereas the latter is more specific and more emotional than the first.
     
  18. Arxon

    Arxon Well-Known Member

    i am kinda out of words now but thank you all for assuring me I wasn't being completely self serving.
     
    • Like x 5
  19. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    So, things occasionally show up in the profile posts box which are sorta-triggery, and I haven't been looking that much, so I'm not really in a position to identify frequency or whatever, but I'm thinking maybe more talking about this would be useful, since I'm not sure how people felt about this, or whether other people had noticed, or... much of anything, really?
     
    • Like x 1
  20. swirlingflight

    swirlingflight inane analysis and story spinning is my passion

    I've been fine due to lack of exposure. On my phone the posts are at the bottom of the screen, easily available, and on my comp, I have them set to be hidden. I can't provide any useful anecdata because I deliberately removed myself from the pool.
     
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