Profile post discussion [split]

Discussion in 'The Undercity' started by AbsenteeLandlady123, May 31, 2016.

  1. swirlingflight

    swirlingflight inane analysis and story spinning is my passion

    My first thought is the unkind one of "~well, okay, the fast people can sit there and clutter their conversation with escalating emotional bullshit, while the people who are capable of stilling their fingers and thinking for more than a second before dumping their unhappiness on others can make a separate thread in which to actually achieve things.~"

    And even while I was typing that, I was cringing at the sheer amount of compressed rudeness in it. It's painfully obvious to me why my first guideline on Proper Communication is to not say things quickly; I need at least two or three rounds of "no, don't say that" before I can strain out the stuff that's needlessly judgemental. -_-

    But, needless judgement aside... Hmm. I expect people would be Offended And Upset if I were to be audacious enough to go around holding up stop signs or referee images saying "hey, time out, slow the heck down people, you're doing way more hurting each other than is necessary, take a breather." How much is that because I'm not a mod, and don't have the Recognized Authority to shut shit down, and how much is because my approach would be uh... well. As clumsy as that first thought?


    And should I take this train of thought to a different thread?
     
    • Like x 1
  2. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    It shouldn't show up, it's just not generated at all.

    And really, all I was doing was adding it to the guidelines and figuring people will point it out as-needed if it comes up.
     
    • Like x 1
  3. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    I... don't remember one?
     
  4. Mala

    Mala Well-Known Member

    @BlackholeKG A lot of forums do have a midnight/dark theme but I don't recall this one ever having one
     
  5. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    I don't think it'd be as clumsy, but my experience has been that it's super hard to say things like that and have them work out well. And part of the problem is, often those first thoughts, while not very helpful, are important to know about if you're trying to fix a problem that has to do with how people feel.
     
    • Like x 3
  6. Secret Squirrel

    Secret Squirrel certainly something

    And I couldn't think of that because I was stuck on it being some kind of note on the homepage. //gently smacks own forehead
     
  7. BlackholeKG

    BlackholeKG I saw you making fire

    Uh, maybe I'm getting mixed up or something. Weird.

    (A dark theme would be kinda neat though)
     
  8. Mala

    Mala Well-Known Member

    @seebs I think the new addition to the guidelines post is good
     
  9. swirlingflight

    swirlingflight inane analysis and story spinning is my passion

    I think we have a color scheme request thread, and there may have been an image in there like that?
     
    • Like x 1
  10. Wiwaxia

    Wiwaxia problematic taxon

    Just for reference and for a data point (because I would wager that there are other people who will respond similarly), please absolutely do not do that to me, no matter the authority you have or the approach you are taking. I mean, like, if I'm doing inappropriate or unreasonable things in anger, tell me to cut the shit, but if I'm upset I find being told to take a breather or calm down incredibly condescending and usually more aggravating than the thing i was originally upset about.
     
    • Like x 3
  11. unknownanonymous

    unknownanonymous i am inimitable, i am an original|18+

    i almost think that first rude thought is a good idea. like, the biggest problem i can see with it is that the fast people might go and escalate in that thread anyway.

    and honestly, i've wanted to do the stop sign thing a lot in threads like this, when people have got so wrapped up in emotions that they've made things worse, but i haven't ever done it, 'cause i worried that being told to take a breather would just make people more upset. but yeah, i have wanted to do that so many times. sooo maaaaany.

    and yeah, a different thread would be good.
     
    • Like x 1
  12. Secret Squirrel

    Secret Squirrel certainly something

    @swirlingflight 1) Oh god do I know what you mean, on pretty much all those points. 2) Incorporating what Seebs said, I think it might be worthwhile to have a thread about how people would like to be approached when someone else thinks they are... idk, escalating or derailing or whatever. Fake edit: Like @Wiwaxia just said.
     
    • Like x 2
  13. swirlingflight

    swirlingflight inane analysis and story spinning is my passion

    That is a useful data point, thank you! I feel like telling an individual to calm down is a lot more condescending and isolating than telling the whole group to take a 5-10 minute break, but I don't know if it would make a difference to say "hey guys, can we all slow down for a few minutes, I'm getting overwhelmed but I don't want to have to leave the conversation."
     
    • Like x 1
  14. Mala

    Mala Well-Known Member

    I feel like being told to stop would set a lot of people off especially if its coming from someone they're arguing with. Some people just need to get the emotional stuff out of their system.

    We do have the mod policy of temp locking heated threads to give everyone the chance to cooldown
     
    • Like x 3
  15. Wiwaxia

    Wiwaxia problematic taxon

    Yeah. Emotions are not problems to be avoided or solved.
     
    • Like x 2
  16. AbsenteeLandlady123

    AbsenteeLandlady123 Chronically screaming

    Hmm, I understand that. Sometimes it does need to be said though, I think? Locking threads is almost the silent version of saying 'hey, stop'.
    [Edit with added thought]
    I also reserve the right to tell someone if they're being mean or cruel, and to advise them to step away. It's good advice! Stepping away from the conflict gives time for emotions to simmer down, and promotes more productive discussion. Engaging while pissed off rarely helps anything, which is why I make a habit of requesting a temp ban from threads or forums when I know I'm starting to lose my temper.
     
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2016
    • Like x 3
  17. Mala

    Mala Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I mostly mean that @swirlingflight's idea of stopping people would probably hurt as much as help

    As one of the not-fast people, I just don't personally engage with the emotional stuff because its not my forte and I focus on solving the problem
     
    • Like x 1
  18. swirlingflight

    swirlingflight inane analysis and story spinning is my passion

    Agreed, and that's a thing I'm coming more and more around to understanding. I think, for me, it's more the question of where the emotions are expressed. One of my points of sometimes Cannot Cope.

    @unknownanonymous I made a post over in the zombie forum.
     
    • Like x 1
  19. AbsenteeLandlady123

    AbsenteeLandlady123 Chronically screaming

    I think it's a phrasing thing - the idea and concept is solid. It's just finding the right way to say the thing.
     
    • Like x 1
  20. Mala

    Mala Well-Known Member

    And the right way to say the thing varies depending on the situation and people involved. @_@ it's why I never try to do that.
     
    • Like x 2
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