Profile post discussion [split]

Discussion in 'The Undercity' started by AbsenteeLandlady123, May 31, 2016.

  1. swirlingflight

    swirlingflight inane analysis and story spinning is my passion

    The difficulty of different people being different; for some people, the reminder that our emotions are interfering with our ability to process what we're thinking or saying or what others are saying, that we're flinging spoons around and causing collateral damage in other people, is a very good reminder. For other people, it's smothering and controlling, a restriction of a process that is necessary for them to go through to function. And hells if I can figure out who is what before seeing people in action enough times.
     
    • Like x 3
  2. AbsenteeLandlady123

    AbsenteeLandlady123 Chronically screaming

    Yeah, for sure. It's frustrating as heck.
    I will pretty much always err on the side of suggesting people do something else for a while. I acknowledge there's a risk of it making things worse, but I've also just sat and observed and watched stuff get much, much worse before. Emotional reaction to the thing aside, stepping away to do something else is just a solid decision to make. It's the internet, unless you aren't in control of yourself due to brainweird like a BPD meltdown, closing the tab and opening a new one is a thing the majority of people are capable of, even if they don't want too.
    It's not like being in the same physical space as the person you're arguing with, if that makes sense.
     
    • Like x 2
  3. Beldaran

    Beldaran 70% abuse and 30% ramen

    This already exists actually, somewhere on argument island I believe... sort of like an emergency contacts list thingy.

    However, I do not think that addressing one person in a conversation this way is usually helpful. Either everyone takes a breath (like with thread locks) or people shuffle off at their own discretion. There has also already been a thread about what to do in the case of shit getting real re: meltdowns and things. We tend to discuss this stuff around here a lot.

    (Jesus, I wander off for a little while for irl stuff and suddenly the thread is more than twice as long as before.)
     
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2016
    • Like x 3
  4. Mala

    Mala Well-Known Member

    Fwiw, you seem to have a knack for getting people to calm down. Idk what it is, you just seem to get better results from trying to calm people down than most anyone else I've seen.
     
    • Like x 2
  5. rigorist

    rigorist On the beach

    Nevertheless the people refused to obey the voice of seebs; and they said, Nay; but we will have a mod over us that we also may be like all the boards; and that our mod may judge us, and go out before us, and fight our battles.

    The First Book of Samuel, Chapter 8 (as modified)
     
    • Like x 13
  6. swirlingflight

    swirlingflight inane analysis and story spinning is my passion

    I am slain by choking laughter. /not quite sarcasm, I need to go get some water, ow.
     
    • Like x 2
  7. Mala

    Mala Well-Known Member

    And then you get Rigs who comes in and says something like this that makes people laugh and sometimes breaks up all the emotion flinging and half the time I'm going "that's awful and hilarious"

    #i apparently have feels about kintsugi arguments
     
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2016
    • Like x 2
  8. Wiwaxia

    Wiwaxia problematic taxon

    Okay, I've tried and I'm still not seeing the distinction there, unless you are reading my post as saying that Beldaran was accusing people of doing the "lol u triggered/posting things with the intent to trigger" dance? Which is not what I thought they were saying or a thing I was accusing them of saying.
     
  9. AbsenteeLandlady123

    AbsenteeLandlady123 Chronically screaming

    Thank you! That's super flattering to read.
    I try to take the personal approach when I can, and make sure people know that I am listening to them and acknowledge their emotions as valid. Pointing out that they are unhappy in their current state and suggesting things to improve their happiness is usually pretty effective! As far as I'm aware, people would pretty much always rather be happy than not. If they continue to do the thing, and have the ability to not do it, having it pointed out that they're making the choice to continue being in that state is sometimes enough to make them reconsider.
     
    • Like x 2
  10. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    I think this is probably one of the most flattering things anyone's ever said about me. Sort of.
     
    • Like x 4
  11. Beldaran

    Beldaran 70% abuse and 30% ramen

    This is fucking beautiful.

    When does the orgy start?
     
    • Like x 2
  12. Mala

    Mala Well-Known Member

    I think that's why it works. You do it and make people feel like they're being listened to instead of silenced so it comes across more as "this person is trying to help me" instead of "this person is trying to get me to shut up"
     
    • Like x 2
  13. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    i think that's why we have that huge wedding thread.
     
    • Like x 6
  14. Mala

    Mala Well-Known Member

    Kintsugi Orgy Thread
     
    • Like x 3
  15. AbsenteeLandlady123

    AbsenteeLandlady123 Chronically screaming

    You misquoted and said she was characterizing the thing as your misquote. Then you objected to the characterization that you read into the misquote.
     
    • Like x 1
  16. the fourth wall

    the fourth wall had a really good time last night

    Pull out a K.O.T., it's time for fun. ;)
     
    • Like x 3
  17. Arxon

    Arxon Well-Known Member

    The problem I see with a general vent thread is that in my experience most of those have a general kind of don't respond policy, or at least people are unlikely to respond to posts. I know that if I was freaking out in the status boxes or somewhere and someone told me to take it to the vent thread I would interpret it as them telling me to take it somewhere where nobody has to care about it and nobody will pay any attention to me, which would set me off far more. And I definitely have a conception of threads taking up more "space" than the status box, however illogical that is, as well as threads being for people with real problems. It can go either way when I'm freaking out- either I go fuck everyone, I'm gonna post a thread, or I go no I don't deserve a thread, and in that case even if seebs came to my house themself to tell me I could make a thread, probably.
    Um, this got off topic. I just wanted to raise the concern of some people will want responses, but still be too insecure or brainwierd or w/e to make a thread, and posting in the status box usually seems a good compromise there.
     
    • Like x 5
  18. AbsenteeLandlady123

    AbsenteeLandlady123 Chronically screaming

    Hm, maybe outright saying that the attention is needed would be helpful? then people with the spoons can provide that
     
    • Like x 3
  19. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    In which case, well, that's why there's a status box. But they might want to avoid going into specifics, if the specifics are likely to upset people. I mean, ultimately you gotta make your own choices, and we can't make a general policy that will always work, and I don't intend to try.
     
    • Like x 3
  20. Beldaran

    Beldaran 70% abuse and 30% ramen

    I mean, I can see it being a good compromise for the poster sure, but there's more than a few people expressing concern and distress over at the very least triggery stuff on the front page, so we're trying to work out how to make sure the largest number of needs are being met. There are places for people to post, and we can encourage a culture of responding in the general vent thread, but there is no way to actually block content in the status box, so we have to work with that reality.

    But yeah. It's a judgement call. People gotta do what they gotta do, and there are a bunch of suggestions already for how to go about getting that attention and reassurance while also being mindful of others.
     
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2016
    • Like x 1
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