PSA: Do not assume that everyone here is safe.

Discussion in 'That's So Meta!' started by the_admin_seebs, Sep 23, 2017.

  1. the_admin_seebs

    the_admin_seebs Benevolent Dictator

    One of the really good things about this community is that we've got a lot of people who have similar experiences, and familiarity with trauma and abuse, and because of that, it feels a lot safer talking about those things here than it does in a lot of other communities. So that's a great way to build rapport and trust. Which is good, up to a point.

    Do not assume that everyone here is trustworthy. Even if they seem really nice. Even if they have similar experiences to talk about, and know where you're coming from.

    A few people from Kintsugi have moved in with, or moved to live near, other people they met through Kintsugi. Sometimes it's worked out great. Sometimes it's worked out poorly. Sometimes it's worked out catastrophically.

    We're not saying everyone's evil or malicious. In many cases, it's quite clear that everyone involved was doing their best, and acting in good faith. But people who are mentally ill cannot always handle things well. And if what you can't handle well is, say, "living with this specific person", that can be a problem if they moved in with you and don't have somewhere else to go.

    And if something does go bad, and you have problems, please talk to other people about them. Don't assume everyone will take the side of the person hurting you, or that everyone will retaliate. No one is above or immune to criticism. No one.
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  2. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    Note: the timestamp on this is way old because it was drafted in a hidden forum so concerned parties could review the wording prior to it being displayed publicly.
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  3. Safe

    Safe New Member

    I am.
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  4. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    The positive ratings suggest that overall that was taken as funny, but I'd point out that at least a couple people are on edge about stuff right now and this is a sensitive topic.
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  5. AbsenteeLandLady124

    AbsenteeLandLady124 Well-Known Member

    I feel like it's also important to say, given how many people are here dealing with extreme paranoia and trust issues - this doesn't mean no-one is safe, or that if you haven't noticed when someone is behaving abusively you are at fault for not putting a stop to it.

    People fuck up. Trusting someone when abused is an act of recovery, and when someone spits in the face of that trust, it's awful, and it hurts, and it can bring the temptation to totally retreat from all social spaces and only rely on yourself again. And I deeply understand that.

    Communication is crucial, and important. Don't meet up with someone without letting your friends know that you're doing so. Don't let anyone assume consent to physical intimacy just because you've been intimate in an online space.

    This doesn't mean you can't and shouldn't trust anyone. It doesn't mean that your paranoia is correct. It will be okay.
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  6. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    Out of a userbase of hundreds of users, so far, I am aware of:
    • One predator, who left quite a while ago and shows no signs of returning.
    • A couple of people who have been sorta creepy but do not appear to be predators.
    • One specific person's abuser who showed up to harass them and then left.
    • Maybe half a dozen people who get really obviously angry and vicious when triggered and then calm down again.
    • Maybe a dozen people who are prone to sorta manipulative and deflecty behaviors when criticized, but who will calm down and work on things if you're reasonably polite.
    By contrast, we have dozens of really excellent and supportive people. Well over a hundred. So basically the odds are in your favor.

    (EDIT: If you're worried that you're one of these, feel free to ask in PM or Caring Void.)
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2017
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