Discussion in 'Braaaaiiiinnnns...' started by CRCR, Oct 22, 2018.

  1. CRCR

    CRCR Dweeby Penisduke

    Not much to say, I've just been questioning for a while if I have PTSD. From what I know, it's likely C-PTSD. I'm making this thread because while it feels like it, I don't want to claim something I don't have.
    So, laying down the facts:
    I had, and have an abusive family. There's a thread about that in Is This Abuse? under Who Knows? That's certainly affected me a lot.
    I also had a not so great childhood on top of that regarding school. I was an easy target for social ostracism and direct bullying.

    Going from that, I'll list things that as far as I know, coincide as symptoms of PTSD.
    • Loud noises are the devil. I bloody hate fireworks with a goddamn passion.
    • I get surprised fairly easily, and disproportionally. I have been incredibly startled just by seeing someone in a room I thought was empty, or hell, just a brainglitch where I 'failed' to acknowledge that they were there despite having seen them, or something.
      • Counterpoint: I've occasionally been completely unaffected by someone bumping into me or jumpscares if I'm preoccupied. It's not often enough to be a trend, but I'll just be so out of my mind and on autopilot that I just say, 'Well, I just got hit in the neck with a whistle'. Though, I am increasingly disappointed that I couldn't have seen said events happening and prevent them.
    • Sometimes I break when dealing with emotions and a lot of sounds and things happening. It creates a thunderstorm in my brain, and I just can't do anything but be overwhelmed.
    • I'm constantly looking over my shoulder and hyperaware (aside from above obliviousness) of people behind me, or sounds around me. Whenever someone's approaching from another room, I tense up as if preparing for something.
    • Whenever someone calls me in to talk about something, or they hint at something secret, I immediately jump to one of the many worst situations possible and formulate a plan for any of those. I've always got a plan and a back-up plan for things.
    • I am intensely productivity oriented. I can't relax. I turn everything into a goal, something to be fulfilled. If given a relaxing activity, I will make it into something to be completed, and then packaged away.
    • I'm incredibly distressed and paranoid about anyone 'knowing me'. It puts me in automatic defense mode. If someone says something like 'I know you deeply' or 'I can read you', my first instinct is to do whatever it takes to prove them wrong. It's likely because my entire survival and way of living for the majority of my life has been lying.
    • Another thing that sets me off is someone comparing me or doing something that reminds me of being thought of like an animal (specifically, a domesticated one) because it's something that's happened to me a lot. I once had a very heated argument with an aunt because she kept stating that I'd be 'classically trained'. Ye gods, typing that out right now makes me fucking sick.
    In general, I'm just always incredibly prepared for things to turn bad and for me to have to bring out the survival tactics. It's hard to describe, but I think I've described it enough.
    • Useful x 1
  2. Birdy

    Birdy so long

    CPTSD has not yet been diagnostically described so there isn’t a list of symptoms you can tick off, but that definitely sounds close enough by my understanding. And even if you don’t fit whatever criteria there are, it sounds like a lot of these things are pretty awful and distressing and definitely stuff someone would want help dealing with
    • Useful x 1
  3. CRCR

    CRCR Dweeby Penisduke

    Point. And yeah, it is. I mean, obviously I've learned how to deal so far with no professional help [I didn't even consider this possibility until a few months ago], but it is a sack of crap.
    • Witnessed x 1
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