Yknow I'm just realizing this now but Idk if I had any feelings regarding media when i was younger at all I can't recall anything that I'd say was formative in my development as a thinking person??? Like idk what I valued or what I cared about Like when people talk about important things in their childhood that they read or watched that rly impacted them like I'm wondering, do I have any of that shit? Did I particularly care or project onto or feel anything important toward the things I read? I've read harry potter and I loved reading it but I don't think it was ever important to me like it's important to other folk So im thinkin now is feelin fearful enduring pain over media like cause I understand media now? Like I don't have emotional thing over homestuck canon only homestuck fandom experience but I'm very emotionally engaged with magnus archives and good omens and I don't understand how to deal with and the stress I feel over it hurts in a strange way I don't know how to process like Is this what formative media is supposed to feel like? Like I feel like I only really came into being like Now in college, age 16-21 (it's my birthday today Like who was the me that existed before? What kind of feelings and emotions did that person have? Did it ever mean anything Who am I now and will my emotions of now be disregarded when I'm say, 25 Who will I be then and what would be the things I care about?