So this is an awkward question, of sorts. I've been raised Roman Catholic, went to Catholic school, even got confirmed, but I don't feel like I'm... actually Catholic. What's really ridiculous is that I don't feel like I'm even particularly religious. I don't even regularly attend church! The most frequent religious actions I undertake are making the sign of the cross when I hear sirens or some bad shit on the news, and saying a prayer to Saint Anthony or Saint Jude when I can't find something or when something seems hopeless. (I wrote that out and see how it could be seen as ridiculous but I'm also still possibly not a very Good Catholic. I don't believe in Hell because if God is all loving and all forgiving, he wouldn't condemn people to suffer for eternity. I don't think being gay is a sin, either, what with my two very loving lesbian grandmothers being some of the kindest people I know. And the whole abortion and birth control issue is... messy.) But I feel like if I leave, I'm letting the base values of what catholicism is supposed to be slip further away into bigotry and selfish greed because a person who was saying 'no' has left. And there are aspects of my religion I do agree with! Some of the rituals like the stations of the cross, the rosary, the whole beatitudes are incredible. The humanization of God/Jesus has actually made me emotional and want to cry. I just also feel like I don't have a community, let alone a community that is open to change. Or questions. I feel like it's an echo chamber. Further complication: the more I learn about the Jewish community and beliefs, the more it seems like a community I want to be involved in. I also feel like if I convert it might be... insincere in some way? Because what I'm especially drawn to is the culture of kindness instead of performative words of support and the idea of questioning things and debate, instead of the feeling of monolith I have in a catholic setting. What's my next move supposed to be, even? Am I just some insincere idiot? Is that just impostor syndrome trying to convince me that I should have thought about this before I got confirmed 5 years ago?