Vent Sad Thread for A Cry Girl (venting)

Discussion in 'Brainbent' started by Delilah, Dec 23, 2016.

  1. Delilah

    Delilah Active Member

    I'm making a subaccount vent thread so that I don't shit up the walk in freezer anymore and nobody can accuse me of trying to emotionally manipulate people into being nice to me on my main

    This will be solely freakout territory, warnings for inevitable suicidal thoughts and general screaming breakdowns
     
  2. Delilah

    Delilah Active Member

    i s2g sometimes I use these forums as a way of mental harm. I read shit for the express purpose of making me feel guilty/useless/invisible. ppl were talking in tumblr.txt about how the anon MUST have been so and so because that is the only person who left bc of an argument, but fuck, there are a bunch of times where I nearly left forever because of a minor exchange that the other person probably didn't even register as upsetting to me, and on a bad day that fucking anon could easily have been me, but of course it could only be those ~~morally impure~~ people who don't ~~understand~~ kinstugi. I could disappear forever and nobody would even notice I was gone, but at the same time it is one of my two forms of actual social interaction because I am pathetic and useless, so like I just stay here even when it makes me feel miserable and small
     
    • Like x 1
  3. Delilah

    Delilah Active Member

    fuck I could kill myself and nobody here would even notice. I've tried to put myself out there and it failed bc i am a fundamentally unpleasant and uninteresting person and nothing will ever change that
     
  4. cyborgism

    cyborgism they/them

    hey i'm not feeling very good at words right now but witnessed. i don't think you're a fundamentally unpleasant person who can't ever change (which is because i don't believe that there is Inherent Goodness/Badness in people, even tho idk you personally)

    i hope you don't kill yourself.

    (the comforting gesture of your choice is available if you want it)
     
    • Like x 2
  5. Delilah

    Delilah Active Member

    (comments are fine. comments are preferred bc I'm a needy fucker)

    I won't kill myself because I'm a coward. thank u for this tho. i guess it's less that I think I'm bad and more that I'm pointless and kinda a black hole

    (thank u)
     
    • Like x 2
  6. cyborgism

    cyborgism they/them

    you're welcome, & tbh same hat on feeling pointless, ik it can be pretty distressing to feel that way :c
     
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2016
    • Like x 1
  7. Delilah

    Delilah Active Member

    Ahaha this is the most spoiled and whiny thing but i wish we could have christmas or like. Any holiday. Like our christmas miracle was that we didnt have to take from a food bank this month but. My whole family is depressed and theres no tree (cant afford), no lights (all of us were too listless to put them up), no presents (we're too poor and I guess the extended family doesn't care), and no cheer (depressed. Depressed and bitter and arguing with each other and terrible)
    Like its been a long time since I got actual christmas presents but usually we would at least have some candy and a tree. We're gonna see if there's enough in the change pot to get movie tickets to see Moana and maybe that'll make things better but. I dunno I'm just spoiled
     
  8. Delilah

    Delilah Active Member

    ahahahaha we didn't go see a movie we didn't do anything I made my own shitty dinner because mom made something she knows I hate and I fucked it up ebcause I'm a fucking idiot and they just sat around in their pajamas all day and appearently we are going to go see it tomorrow! Spoilers: we are not going to go see it tomorrow

    she is making me a necklace bc she feels bad but. I have so many necklaces and I barely wear jewelry and I feel so shitty about it
     
  9. Delilah

    Delilah Active Member

    Fuck i just wanna feel like people care about me
     
  10. Delilah

    Delilah Active Member

    Fuck I messed up and everyone hates me now
     
  11. Delilah

    Delilah Active Member

    Things I feel shitty about rn, in no particular order:
    1. Being a cis woman, which makes me evil
    2. Being a lesbian, which makes me evil
    3. Not liking people everyone else likes
    4. Not being liked by anyone
    5. Being an lazy idiot fuck who has put off doing important shit because I'm too tired to think about school
    6. Being a terrible friend and terrible at conversations
     
  12. Delilah

    Delilah Active Member

    People on tumblr.txt: *talking about how terrible canned tuna is*
    Me: *feels personally attacked for some fucking reason*
    Hi self what the fuck????
     
  13. Delilah

    Delilah Active Member

    How the hell do I get people to like me should I start picking fights? At least then people would know who I am
     
  14. Delilah

    Delilah Active Member

    I just want to know what to say to other people to make them feel better because then they'll make me feel better but as it is everyone has much worse lives then me and it is terrible for me to want comfort when I can't give it to other people.
     
  15. Delilah

    Delilah Active Member

    I'm just going through life like I'm already a ghost and I am going to die because I can't do anything. I should die now because it doesn't matter what I do
    People say my life is just beginning but my family is in constant financial stress and I'm scared of school and I'm even more scared to work I'm lazy and useless and I don't even exist I'm not good at anything, I have no talents or skills, I'm not a hard worker and I'm not good with people and I deserve to die I'm too much of a coward someone should kill me because I'm afraid to do it myself
     
  16. Delilah

    Delilah Active Member

    I haven't signed up for classes yet and I am out of financial aid and I don't know what to do, my parents will yell at me and everyone will think I'm an idiot and I wish I could just throw myself in front of the next car I fucking see but I won't because I'm too much of a goddamn coward
     
  17. Delilah

    Delilah Active Member

    It is so goddamn uncharitable of my to sit here and refresh seeing if anyone cares because im on a subaccount and even on my main its not like anyone really likes me but GUESS WHAT IM DOING
     
  18. Delilah

    Delilah Active Member

    fuk I'm terrible fuck i should fucking die if i cared about anyone else i would die im selfish and terrible and i just take up space of course nobody likes me im fucking scum
     
  19. cyborgism

    cyborgism they/them

    nope! its not terrible for you to want comfort, you're deserving of comfort even if you can't Do Good Things to Make Yourself A Good Person, because your worth isnt based in what you do so you don't have to be able to do [ fill in the blank ] in order to not be An Inherently Terrible Person, imo
    also not true
    [ hugs ] it sucks when so many things in life are scary. you do exist and you do matter, you don't have to be A Talented And Skilled Worker to deserve care
     
  20. Delilah

    Delilah Active Member

    But if I don't do anything for anyone else, why should I expect them to want to do something for me
    it's like. in order to be a good friend you have to be able to comfort someone. I can't figure out how to do that. So why should I expect people to be my friends
    Maybe not to deserve it but I have to be able to do something in order to just survive in this world

    thank you so much for responding though. I hate feeling like I am shouting into the void and u make that feel better, you are so kind
     
    • Like x 1
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