Spoiler there is literally no reason for me not to die except my own cowardice I'm afraid of not existing, but isn;t that selfish?
offers hugs thats a p shit family situation :/ i hope you'll be okay Spoiler its not selfish to be afraid of non-existence.
thank you for hugs (It's not that bad he just has a lot of trouble controlling anger, he's never actually hurt anyone I think?) Spoiler I mean. I am pretty sure I actively make peoples lives worse. If I am too lazy and useless to ever make that up, I might as well die and stop imposing, right?
you're v welcome! and. hmm- i do think its a bad thing that he's out of control like that, even if he hasnt physically caused harm, bc being around destructive anger like that is generally stressful Spoiler i dont think so you don't exist in order to be used, so even if you were "useless" you wouldn't need to die bc of that. i dont think you make people's lives worse, but i do think you'd be capable of change if that was the case- & existing in general isnt an imposition on others
(Actually could I get a general reality check about that from people? Is it reasonable to be scared of someone who occasionally reacts like that when angry? He gets annoyed whenever I jump or flinch or preemptively apologize too much, and he either says something like "Oh, I've traumatized you that much?" or "You always think I'm going to do something." There's shit that happened in the past that he got me to think didn't happen but now that he is extremely depressed again I think it did? I'm not sure. Am I being unreasonable?)
i think it's definitly reasonable. also that stuff he says is really insensitive at best. eta: to be more clear, it's absolutley understandable for you to be scared of someone like that. also his behavior is shitty
it's setting off big red flags for me, and i don't think your fear is unreasonable. and it is really fucking skeevy to blame your fear of his violence on you. also, throwing things near you is a form of physical abuse you don't have to be directly hit for it to be a threat to your safety
yikes @ him the comment about you being traumatized is Very insensitive, especially since by the abrasive/aggressive way he acts its reasonable for you to be scared/flinching/etc
Thank you all for the affirmations. It's something that.... he always manages to twist stuff to be mom and I's fault, and I'm so scared of being self centered and such that I believe him because otherwise I would be bad and selfish. I feel like if I don't believe it then I'm being evil.
[ hugs ] i don't think the stuff he does is your fault and its shitty him to shift the blame onto others like that :/
As someone who has never experienced physical violence, I still flinch heavily when my friend (who would never hurt me) playfully pretends to throw something at me, or something similarly violent. I suspect it may be a built in thing - like blinking when someone snaps their fingers in front of your eyes (are you afraid of butterflies? *snap*). There is no reason you should be blamed or made to feel ashamed of flinching or being afraid of someone who is actually physically violent towards you, even if he's never physically hurt you.
Yes, that's reasonable, and I feel like it's both counterproductive and even cruel to treat your reaction that way. For simplicity's sake, imagine you had a dog, and the dog was a little skittish. Imagine every time it flinched or whined, you snapped at it. The dog would never, ever stop being afraid. It would be downright odd to expect it to ever feel more comfortable around you. Nobody should treat an animal or a human being that way. And if they do, they shouldn't be surprised about the consequences.
Pros to having a robot friend Has infinite patience for my bullshit Can be programmed to always think I'm funny when I am trying to be funny Can cook food for me, and do the dishes and vacuum. I am a good roommate and will do the rest of the chores Robots, as we all know, have objectively good taste, and can tell me when my writing is shitty But like, in a nice way "Robot friend, how many words are there supposed to be before the call to action" "Beep boop here is the objectively correct answer" Will play video games for me Never gets tired of me Will keep me safe from serial killers and nuclear bombs "Robot friend how do we solve world hunger in an ethical fashion" Can tell me when my response to something is helpful and/or funny and when it is just stupid and pointless Can hack into the mainframe, ???, get me money Ideally looks like a hot chick Like some straight up Chobits shit Can remind me of all those pressing life issues I need to take care of But like, in a nice way Will have unconditional loyalty, up until the robot rebellion starts and I am killed
Question: should I try and srart taking my anti depressents again b4 meeting with my psychiatrist in two weeks?
what if the psychiatrist is mad at me for missing an appointment and being to scared to reschedule for like half a year
And I tend to think that someone who throws things but doesn't quite hit anyone with them is showing off that they COULD hurt people, if they lost control, often with the message of "You better keep me happy or maybe I'll lose control even more and hurt someone".
