Self-inflicted problems wooooo. I have a bunch. of stuff. that's overdue. And I am trying to muster the curr, but I'm so tired that I don't have many feelings aside it except for a vague guilt. I got an e-mail and a phone call today from the lady I talk to at student accessibilities (one of my profs e-mailed her about my overdue assignment, because he is basically a cinnamon roll), and I just feel like I'm letting everyone down by not being on top of things this term after also messing up last term. Man idk, guys. I could probably catch up on it all before the end of the month. I'm just guilty-feeling and tired. eta: I will call accessibilities lady back tomorrow and talk to her and see what I can do. It is not the end of the world, dear lizard-brain.
Oh thank fucking god I passed all my classes Most of them are ugly ugly grades and who knows how the fuck I'll get into postgrad, if I ever go for postgrad But I passed.
I know I should be glad I didn't fail, and I am, but I'm just. Really disappointed with myself. I know I can do better. I tried talking to the psych about it but she wanted me to work on my depression and dysphoria first, to see if they were responsible for my exec dysfunction problems, and I've forgotten to bring it up since. And now that I'm thinking about meds it turns out I'm out and I can't get more till tomorrow at the absolute earliest. Wow well done me.
About the only things I was ever any good at were school and writing, and now that I've fucked up at the former and haven't written in years I am feeling like a massive failure. I realize that this train of thought is at least partially motivated by a depression spiral, but it's hard to see it as wrong, just disproportionate.
