I apologize for this one in advance But I am really at my whits end and will use a lot of strong language and possible risk of sexual situations or mention of them. The first week of school started last monday, well tuesday for me. Everything was going great and I was happy and enjoying myself. Well partway into the week I had to go to a briefing for my work based learning class which requires us to find a site to work or volunteer that is in our field of study in order to get experience. What they didn't tell us is that they were giving us a week before we needed to have a job and all the paperwork signed. Strike one. I have been applying everywhere for the past two weeks before school started. So I am hurrying to call everywhere I have applied and places that I have not that are locally owned. Strike two: I called back some of the places where I applied and they were not hiring. I am getting frantic and calling places all over and finally I get ahold of someone and they told me to complete an application and call in two days. Well I did. Still stressing because I was told they would call back and I had to call them in order to talk to anyone. So in the mean time I had been taking my frustrations out on video games , porn and (Excuse the language) jerking off constantly to relieve stress. On top of all this my sleep has been shit. Strike three: When I call the person back they told me they reviewed the application and I had not passed the assessment. I dont know how one does not pass a fucking assessment where its all stupid questions and opinionated. So at this point I snap and depression hits very very fucking hard and I can barely stop myself from hitting myself. So I have been sitting here swearing and hitting myself and cursing my luck. I tried eating but apparently depression is going to stop that. Im sure it will probably come back up later. I have to fight the urge to scratch at my skin and its driving me fucking crazy. I don't know how much more disappointment I can deal with in such a short amount of time before I just completely shut down to all my senses. Just to be clear I am not going to off myself. I am however in a lot of emotional distress and just don't know how to deal with it
