seebs, please explain why you're doing the thing

Discussion in 'The Undercity' started by unknownanonymous, Mar 6, 2017.

  1. leo

    leo Well-Known Member

    I also don't appreciate being used as a strawman, Seebs, especially when you're still ignoring me, and happened to ignore what I said. Which was, you should have PM'd first, without the accusations, rather than going in swinging and blaming Nai. Had you made a thread afterwards explaining your point, I wouldn't have had a problem with it, just what you were arguing.
    • Like x 3
  2. Starcrossedsky

    Starcrossedsky Burn and Refine

    okay, some things: First, if you had phrased it as "someone is hurt" rather than "someone might be hurt" you would have... gotten a different response. It was the fact that I was being fingered over a "might happen" that pissed me off.

    Second, and I am going to quote this for extra emphasis:

    My statement was literally in response to Riley having a depersonalization episode. You are painting with the broadest brush you own, Seebs, and believe it or not, there is nuance there. I do not react to all people the same way. I explicitly told you I do not react to all people the same way; Riley is My People, which in this scenario means that I actually make the effort to go out of my way to try and make him feel better. I do not do that for most people, but I will apologize for hurting people when I know that people have actually been hurt. Not hypothetical people. Actual "someone said this hurt them" people.

    I certainly don't seek people out to attack, which is what this statement is implying. Your phrasing makes me sound like a bloody shark looking for people with depersonalization issues to eat, and because of that, I'm still rather cheesed off.

    Third: Again, broad brush, no one-size-fits-all solution exists, but I was, and still am, going through a huge period of anxiety wrt moderator accountability, especially yours. Mod PMs make me anxiety spike, and I appreciate threads for two reasons: public accountability, and the fact that if I get into a rut and am unable to express what I'm trying to express, someone else can step in and I can just yes/no their interpretation as accurate.

    Apology acknowledged. Still mad. Decision on acceptance delayed until less-mad.
    • Like x 5
  3. spockandawe

    spockandawe soft and woolen and writhing with curiosity

    Sorry, Seebs, little thing in here I just picked up.

    So, in trauma-flavored situations, people have a variety of responses to anything relating to it, which is why you get situations like antis saying that noncon hurts them as survivors, but other survivors saying that noncon is a critical coping tool. I'll joke about suicidal ideation all day, because it helps me out, but I know I have at least one friend where joking about suicide is pretty triggering for her.

    Ah, what are words. So if Riley's having a depersonalization episode, and Nai posts a thing about depersonalization to help them, presumably tailored to Riley personally, since they're close, then... that's probably going to help Riley. But if someone else with depersonalization issues stumbles across it, then yes, they might have a totally different reaction. But that's going to happen with anything.

    Substituting in fake labels for the friends this happened to, but: I wrote friend A a nasty noncon story to brighten their day, because they'd been having a rough time. Friend B read the thing, read the tags, knew roughly what was in it, was familiar with my writing and fine with noncon, but actually reading that particular story still set them off really bad and I had to help friend B deal with the emotional fallout from the same material that helped friend A.

    That's an extreme example, in a situation where there are tags and people can choose to read the thing. But joking about suicidal ideation is something I've seen on here before. Sometimes behind spoilers, sometimes not. I was part of a mini-squabble about bi jokes and conversion therapy, where it was something I was legit worried about, so I love ALL the horrible jokes about 'lol what if they turned me full gay by accident.' Some bi people agreed with me, and some bi people were seriously distressed by them.

    Tl;dr, i don't think it would be possible for Nai to respond in a direct personal way to Riley's depersonalization without saying something that runs a risk of upsetting other people who deal with depersonalization. Which doesn't erase the feelings of the people who read the thing and were upset. But I think trying to make it Nai's responsibility to not say things that will upset them isn't really reasonable or feasible.
    • Like x 12
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