shitposting rave 4: (almost) anything goes

Ford shrugs. "I didn't mean to imply you need permission--I thought you were offended that I only told him to apologise to me and those kids."

 

-the handmaid appears near karkat. another handmaid from ten minutes in the future is standing behind him too grinning. they hold the music boxes of time traveling mockingly. a THIRD handmaid pops in with the sound of tingly music box tunes-

 

-half fond, half nauseated- You're kind of a bitch.

 

Handmaid 1: Now the real question is how many of us can we cram into this space.

Handmaid 2: Too many. Definitely too many.

Handmaid 1: Also when did she get here. Like from what when. I know you're ten minutes in the future because I saw your stupid ass earlier.

Handmaid 3: From half past nine.

Handmaid 2: Which nine.

Handmaid 3: You know which nine.

Handmaid 1: Do we really?

Handmaid 3: You know which nine.

All three Handmaids at once: I know.

 

You're welcome. You're also not my problem, intriguing though troll physiology is. Do you know how unusual it is for insectoid sapients to be bipedal?

Hello! You're a bit small for a dragon, aren't you?

[Snickering.]

 

No. I was offended that he only saw the need to apologise to you three, and even that after prompting, despite there being many others present who may or may not have wanted to be subjected to... that whether they were comfortable speaking up afterwards or not.

 

[quite possibly the single most exhausted deadpan anyone has ever seen]

NO

DO YOU KNOW HOW VERY LITTLE I CARE? IMAGINE A SINGULAR ATOM OF CARING, ADRIFT IN A UNIVERSE FULL OF APATHY. THEN SPLIT THAT ATOM. THEN, OBSERVE THE BARREN WASTELAND FROM THE RESULTING EXPLOSION.

THAT WASTELAND IS HOW MUCH I CARE

 

Fair enough. You do have a way with words, though.

 

If they're not big why would they be a problem, then???

!!!! <Sprocket!!! @Sprocket Sprocket Sprocket!!! Who is that!!!! Why does he know bugspeech!!!>

 

I'm apparently hatchling-sized. But big enough for my job! -laughs-

 

-one handmaid disappears and a fourth appears in her place covered in amber colored blood. this handmaid bickers with the second. a fifth shows up and laughs at the fourth and second. the first handmaid leaves in a huff. a sixth handmaid shows up with an axe and attacks the fourth(?). a seventh handmaid arrives and the others leave in a sudden flash-

Better have gotten the laundry started or future Girl will have hell to pay.

 

IT IS MY SINGLE SKILL

 

[Good! Who are you?]

 

Small enough and big enough, isn't that the truth? [She laughs.] You're not one of mine, I can tell that much, but what is your job like?

<My name is Onyx Prime.> [Her name is said in the Primal Vernacular; even if the exact words are beyond him, Sprocket will still get general impressions of eternity/guardian/warrior/leader from the tonal indicators.]

 

[he elaborately mimes ripping off his own bulge and skipping rope with it, complete with recoiling at imaginary bloodspray]

 

-grins widely and evilly. like that damara grin from openbound but on an older, more hateful megido-

 

I'm a soldier. I fight oni, monsters that threaten our home.

Oh dear that sounded dangerously anime.

 

Anime...? [She repeats the sounds well enough, but has no idea what the word means.] A guardian, though! A mech after my own spark. My abilities [Onyx taps the massive mask that shields her face(s), all six eyes glittering gold] lend me more to sentry duty than battle these days, but I've nothing against a good fight.

 

[I dont know? He doesn´t feel bad.] -soothegroom-

-He tries to say the name but it gets mangled in clickities.- [You´re not a bug.]
-to Thunders- [Do you know what that name means?]

 

"Norm...?" Ford growls. "You JUST told me you weren't going to do it again!"

He tries, and fails, not to bury his face in his hands (and shaggy hair).

When he recovers, he sighs. "We are also going to have to talk about how to use your power safely in dimensions where physics isn't optional and the people around you are not slaveholders who deserve it when your wishes fuck them up. Remember how you wanted to disappear the storm instead of dissipate it, and I had to explain to you that the air, water and energy involved were part of our planetary biosphere?"

He breathes. "When you rewind and fast forward spacetime, particularly in spaces that obey the laws of physics, there are numerous potential deleterious effects, including but not limited to reinforcing traumatic experiences. Don't do that. You could have just wished there was a tape and given it directly to Mituna."

Ford's head aches. How do you reparent an independent adult who has never experienced respect and boundaries before and also has the power to break your planet? Norm is an adult. But he hasn't grown up, and it's not his fault.

"While I'm at it...TNFL, that was malicious. You're a minor, but you're not a small child who doesn't know right from wrong. You should be aware that not all adults you might meet in this space are from places where the rights of the young are protected, and some of them are emotionally unstable or not used to living socially. Please don't try to manipulate the adults into doing things you know are wrong, because they may not--and you could get hurt. Adults are supposed to be responsible, but you know some of them are not. You manipulated Norm into fucking up, but he wasn't the only person who was hurt, and that wasn't funny."

"She's a bitch. But she's hot."

Ford sighs. Stop turning him on when he's trying to fix shit, damn it.