shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

This is my caring face. I'm caring a lot about your trauma, which you're bringing up in not-group-therapy... why again?

 

To annoy you, personally.

 

You know what? That's fair. The fits in perfectly with everything I know about you.

I'm not buying you ice cream again.

 

[karkat pretends to ignore the mi for a few seconds before reaching out to give it a cautious petpetpet]

[he comes over and sits next to dave, on the side opposite @Pre-Mortem, although not without a fair amount of eye rolling]

[and then he looks at the bottle like it personally killed his firstborn]

WHAT? MY GRASP ON ENGLISH IS TENUOUS AT BEST, DON'T DANGLE ME OVER THE LINGUISTIC PRECIPICE LIKE THIS! ALIEN. SAY IT WITH ME. A-LI-EN. I DON'T EVEN SPEAK EAST ALTERNIAN, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WOULD UNDERSTAND THE HUMAN BABBLE YOU'RE SPEWING??

ANYWAY NO, I DON'T DRINK IN PUBLIC. THAT JUST LEADS TO INCIDENTS AND REGRET, STACKED PRECARIOUSLY ON TOP OF THE HANGOVER LIKE A PARTICULARLY SADISTIC JENGA GAME.

 

-PURR!-

 

A'ight. I mean, you clearly have shit taste in ice cream. Chocolate peanutbutter chip is the superior ice cream, along side rocky road and anything without mint.

Oh and as an aside: I didn't break the phone to be an ass.

 

You did, actually, because all of you tippy tappy hacker folks do things like that just to be dickheads. I know what you're like.

Besides, it was flavor of the day. Don't blame me, blame your terrible city for having bad taste.

 

Tippy.... tappy...... But nah dude, it was an accident that it broke. I was just trying to get your attention away from me so I could taze you in the ass. We all know how that worked out.

True facts: I thought for a moment that you were some kind of fucked up super human when you didn't drop.

 

hey man its not my psyche to scar
sparknotes version: ever wondered if you could turn a people into a battery
wonder no more the alternian empires got your back

 

Once you kill them the second time they tend to stay down, and 'resurrection events' only happen if they were infected when they die the first time. The main problem is they don't feel pain and can't die of shock. They avoid most stupidity-induced deaths you'd think they'd run into- like climbing out of windows or walking off roofs- because their body doesn't go "wow that fucking hurts, fuck this shit I'm out," they have to damage something vital in the process. So you end up with a bunch of crawlers chewing on your ankles because they broke their legs instead of their heads. Goddamn obnoxious.

"For every ill, mezcal, and for every good as well."



-glances back and forth between Marcus and Jordi, cups her hands around her mouth and shouts- NOW KISS -wow really she hasn't even started drinking yet!-

 

Uh huh. An 'accident'. I believe you so much.

You would have been in much worse trouble if it had actually hit me, I hope you know that. I wouldn't have been anywhere near as nice as I was. Might have made an example of that whole games shop-- gas main explosions are pretty easy to fake, even with ctOS. You ever manage that before? Not too hard to set up either.

Sounds like a nightmare, actually. The zombies thing and the kissing thing, because I don't think I'd be paid for either. Not into the whole 'volunteer' work thing, I'm not much of a charity guy, and either way it's hard to cash favors in on that sort of dumb shit.

 

No thanks, I've got a boyfriend.

I mean, you can't blame me for wanting to taze the random dude that comes up on me while I'm trying to follow a trail.

Why the fuck would I pay you for a kiss anyway? Like, you probably aren't even good at it with your whole... You thing. The two emotions thing. Whatever.

Wait, is that the secret? Is your guy your boyfriend? Are you dating your therapist?

 

Uh-huh. You've mentioned. Multiple times now. Got something to prove?

I can, and I will, and I'll blame you for breaking the phone too. And being slow on the whole data thing. And not taking the fall, when I very clearly asked you to, and it wouldn't have been hard for you to just stay on the boat. Honestly, you're a very selfish person, you know that?

Trying to reverse psychology me into kissing you isn't gonna work, hackerboy. Besides, my therapist is married. Not exactly a resounding denial, but he works better for me if he's not attached, right? Attachments, not great.

Also ethics or whatever, but that's just noise.

 

youve guessed my booze of choice
if its got apples in it i want to slam that shit like its goin out of style
sweet ambrosia

anyway yeah im the funnest drunk when i do decide to imbibe
karkat just gets morose and emotional which is less than ideal when youre trying to get him to do shots off you
and look at this bod
id do shots off me

 

No? I just don't do extra-relationship stuff. Like... cheating.

That's fair actually, mostly because everyone kind of wants me dead so I started only caring for myself and my own. You do not get the honor of being in my 'people I protect' box, I can't protect everyone. Just one dude.

I mean, sure? Never seen a therapist, I still have trouble accepting that you do but I can't judge. It was kind of unkind of me to have even insinuated that so I'm sorry. Even though I'm not sure if that's even the part that bothered you?

Again: I don't want to kiss you. I don't want to anything you. Honestly I don't even want you dead! I didn't stay on the boat because fuck that noise but also because I'm not stupid enough to take the fall for shit. You act like I didn't make sure someone else other than you would take the fall, no fucking faith man.

 

THAT JUST SOUNDS LIKE A MISTAKE IN A BOTTLE.

[karkat notices the blackflirting and watches for a bit, face scrunched up in concentration. romance is srs bsns]

HMM, I DON'T KNOW. I THINK THERE'S HISTORY HERE WE'RE NOT SEEING ENOUGH OF. IF THEY DECIDED TO CONSUMMATE THIS HATEFLING IT'D JUST END UP TURNING INTO SOMETHING AWKWARD AND BITTER IN THE MORNING. THERE ISN'T ENOUGH GENUINE RIVALRY FOR IT TO WORK, AT LEAST ON SHADE DOUCHE'S END

 

youve activated his trap card

 

That's the most amazing nick name. I'm Marcus, also I can hear you.

 

Do you even know my name? Serious question here. I want to see this logical train go to work, from one end to another.

Glad we're on the same page about the kissing thing though. You're not subby enough to be my type anyways. I bet you'd be annoying in bed.

Great, now look what you've done. The peanut gallery's invested and they think that you've got less genuine emotion at stake here. My reputation's ruined. I'll never work again.

 

I'VE GOT ABOUT A DOZEN OTHER NAMES STASHED AWAY. I'M KARKAT, ALSO EVERYONE CAN HEAR ME UNLESS THEY'RE DEAF. MY FACE IS A MEGAPHONE, I'M USED TO IT

ANYWAYS, BOYFRIEND OR NOT, I DON'T THINK YOU AND ICE CREAM FUCK ARE A GOOD MATCH. SPADES IS HARD TO GET RIGHT WITH HUMANS.

NO, HIS EMOTIONS ARE GENUINE. HE JUST, HMM...DOESN'T HATE YOU LIKE THAT

AND YOU'RE TRYING *REALLY HARD* TO NEEDLE HIM. TOO HARD. IT'S EMBARRASSING.