I've asked this like 3 times in the Skype chat. I've gotten different answers based on people's assumptions and I've never been able to clarify everything. So, my situation is: I'm 22. I live with my parents. Currently with my dad but one of the two at any given time. (They live within walking distance from each other). My university is public, no money would be wasted by me not going for a semester. I don't work. I've never actually worked, like, a job. I don't know if I want to. I think I will eventually but that's in the future and I try not to think about it too much. I don't really focus on studying, either, unless I have to, for an exam or something. Most of my time is spent on YouTube and Tumblr and Skype, and my parents don't really like that. I've been really stressed out lately, and I'm not sure whether or not I should ask my parents if I could have a semester off, whether or not I should get a job if I do, and what to do to convince them that they should let me if I do decide to go through with it. Does anyone have any advice?
I took a semester off because I was doing pretty bad mental health-wise. I used that time to start seeing a therapist and since I didn't have anywhere else to be, I was going like twice a week. I also go meds, but only like a month before I had to go back which was not idea. Even outside of the mental health stuff, the break was good for me because it gave me more of a charge to push through the last three semesters I had. I had planned on getting a job, but that never happened. Sometimes I feel bad if I'm not "accomplishing" anything (sometimes my brain will accept binge watching a TV show as accomplishing something though so whatever), so a job might've helped me in that respect, for getting out of the house and such. so yeah, that was my experience. As for advice-- if you do take a semester off I highly recommend using that time to focus on mental health stuff. I think you already have a therapist? But maybe look into doing an outpatient program that's more than just therapy. also more likely to convince your parents if you have a plan on doing things that are not sitting on the computer all day (not trying to pass judgement on that; I sit on the computer all day. just from their pov). Also if you get a job, start with something small that's only a few days a week. the point of taking a semester off is to take a break. it's counter productive if you replace school stress with work stress. Hope that helps.
Thanks, that helps a bit, I'm just really worried that my parents won't believe that I'm stressed out because school. My mom believes that sitting on the computer all day and not focusing on my schoolwork is what's stressing me out (she also believes I'm throwing my life away), and, while my dad is more accepting, he still didn't let me take even one less class this semester. I have a feeling the only way he'll let me is if I find at least a part-time job. But I'll try. If anyone else has suggestions, please. I want to hear them.
What form of the second question are you answering yes to? because I think I asked both "should I get a job" and "should I try to convince my parents to let me take a semester off without getting a job" ...unless I didn't in which case my bad. EDIT: Unless you're answering yes to the "any advice" bit in which case I'm slightly confused. Tl;dr: could you elaborate please?
I parsed the two questions as, "Should I take a semester off?" and "Should I get a job?" I can give lots and lots of reasons, but the main one is you've been schooling for a majority of your life and you need a break.
Gdi I'm still not sure about the work thing. Half the people I ask say yes, Half the people I ask say no, to sort out my mental issues first. I don't know who to listen to! I don’t know what the right thing to do is.
Half the people are wrong. :D Anyway, it seems to me you won't know what your job challenges are until you try. It's not like we're talking about a career here; we're talking about a job. Something you might not like very much (but, who knows? some people find the structure of a job a good thing) but pays a tangible reward for your time and effort. If you treat this as sort of an experiment in "jobbing", at worst you will get information about the challenges you face and you can work on those. Your OP mentions that you will deal with this in the future, but perhaps it makes sense to do a trial run now while you have the support of your parents to fall back on. This will be harder to do later. Of course, I could be in the wrong half.
I´ll repeat what I said that if your parents will not Let you quit if you find itßs too much, I´d stick with taking a proper break and sorting stuff out. You can still apply for a job later if you want one, but being stuck in one that stressed you out will mess you up as much as uni will. I´d also like to again suggest recruiting therapist to explain why yes, therapy is work, to your parents. (Apologies for more typos than usual, my keyboard is going a bit nuts}
Taking time off definitely helped me push through. My parents were adamant that I work while I wasn't in school, but on the other hand, I already had a job at the time. Fake edit: Actually, it wasn't the job per se that they were set on, but rather that I had a plan for while I wasn't in school. I worked and did therapy. If your parents are like mine they'd probably be more in favour of the break if you phrased it as "concentrate on therapy and self-development for a semester" rather than "not be in school for a semester". @littlemissCodeless's suggestion of getting your therapist to help convince your parents is a solid one, too.
It's been my experience that if you've gotten to the point of asking if you should take time off, the answer is yes. My parents persuaded me to try to go back to school this fall instead of taking a semester off and I ended up in the hospital instead. Re: job, it is definitely worth applying to things but mental health is a more important immediate goal to focus on, especially if you're not worrying about money. Nobody tells you really that applying to jobs is a job in itself, and especially for a disabled person it can be exhausting.
I'm sorry guys, I'm still just really confused about this, but I'm just not sure what you mean by "focusing on mental health stuff". Do you mean like, trying to get myself to do more stuff? Do you mean, like, just like resting or something? I'm really confused and I don't know what you guys mean by that.
What I specifically mean is: do therapy and meds if both are accessible to you, try to sort out what's been causing you academic trouble and try to work on that specifically, and yeah, rest.
Here's the thing. Whether having a job helps or hurts is completely dependent on the person. I, for example, become extremely anxious and depressed if I don't have certain tasks which I must complete at certain points throughout the week, so when I'm between jobs I kind of fall apart. Some people either don't need the structure as much or are so bad off mental-health-wise that they just can't handle any kind of commitment or work. My suggestion is to try a part time job, in a low-key environment if possible, and see how that goes. If you feel like it's making you worse or just not helping at all, it should be fairly easy to quit. Whatever your decision, I hope next semester is a good one for you.
Thank you. Hmmm, I'm not sure... The problem is I sometimes don't know if something helps or not. Not to mention the fact that going from "hey I kinda feel like maybe this isn't helping" to actively trying to quit can take... months, with my executive dysfunction. Mostly, though, I just get really, really annoyed by anything that I feel like I "have" to do usually. I also sometimes feel like with schedules I'm too restrained and constantly uncomfortable but without them I fall apart. GOD I hate depression. I'm sorry. I really would like some more advice though.
If it helps, you could write up a letter of resignation before you even start putting in applications so that, should you decide to quit, all you have to do is put a couple of dates on it (current day and intended last day of work) and hand it in to HR or whoever deals with those in your workplace. I understand being annoyed by things you have to do. I hated school with a passion that burns to this very day. Fortunately I have found work does not bother me in the same way - possibly because of the paycheck, possibly because it makes me feel needed, who knows.
So I talked to my therapist, she didn't really like the idea. (She also pointed out that my parents would most likely not let me). I brought up the job thing. She said that was a good idea but that in all honesty I probably would end up not getting one and ending up on the computer all day, every day, which would be seriously unhealthy, that I need to have some organization in my life. She said maybe take one less class but tbh I just don't think that would cut it. It's the fact of having exams and stuff I need to do at my house and feeling like crap 4 times a year for not having done any of the work and feeling like even so I still don't have time to do what I want to do that gets me the most.
