Vent siggy is soggy

i feel like i failed as a friend haa,

 

my 2017 in a nutshell: massive fucking child

 

i think one other thing that made me sad is i wanted to help and support them and being pushed away in favor to someone else just...

sighs.

oh well i guess.
one day at a time for me.

 

I think the worst thing I'd be willing to say about your part in that friendship was that it just didn't work out. Your needs were incompatible. It happens sometimes, unfortunately.

I wasn't there so I don't know about all the details, but from what I've seen, I'm not remotely impressed by your friend's treatment of you. I'm having a hard time thinking of a scenario in which the end of a friendship with someone who talks to you like that could possibly be all your fault.

 

we havent ended (as far as i know? bleh)
the most reoccurring advice i saw as just make distance between us so we can get our minds back together and it's what i'm doing.

i dont want to lose them as a friend over something that can be fixed by talking it out. because another reoccurring thing that came up is there was just lack of communication on their end while i tried to talk to them or ask what's up.

so i guess it is a mix of both of us not being in a good headspace where one person is trying to fix it while the other pushed away without giving an explanation.

 

im just sitting here thinking everything is my fault and it sucks butts

 

My mistake. I think you’re right about conflicting bad headspaces. It’s a shame that it’s causing so much distress.

 

dont worry, i worded it weird i think.

im just hoping next year will be good for a lot of us, these past few years have been hell on everyone i think.

 

im really thankful my mom's so patient with me. i told her about my possible/most likely to have bipolar disorder/bpd and she's glad that im tackling this head on and being mature about this.

 

jesus christ i can't say a character is a bottom for giggles and shits without people saying she's trans like, what the fuck does that have to do with her being a bottom?

 

What the shit.

 

It's hard for me to not say anything about how I want to die on my main Twitter.

It's 3 achievements I did this year and honestly not dying is one of them.

This year was so bad for me it's hard for me to remember any good things I did this year. Which I think was at least 3
Maybe 4 at best

 

Honestly I feel like I lost more than gained this year.

Lost a girlfriend, feels like I lost someone I consider a good friend, feels like I had my grip on wanting to live but I lost it again. Just...

I know theres more but i can't think of them atm

 

I feel like I couldn't do anything right this year as a friend.

I tried my best and i felt like it wasn't good enough and now I feel like I'm seen as a bother and a fucking trigger for my friends depression where I won't even talk to them now so they feel better.

Another thing to put on the list: lost the ability to happily talk to anyone without having a feeling that I annoy the shit out of them and they're just humoring me.

:)))))))

 

i think my period is talking but damn

i want to stop feeling sad for one day of my life.

 

me: -shows an update on a picture for a zine-
everyone/someone: -points out my friends oc's eyebrows and not mention the everything else of the picture-

:) i just love that every FUCKING time i show an update, someone mentions their eyebrows.
i dunno im just kind of upset that my friends oc is always the center of attention when it's a group shot with it mildly being focused on my oc because of what happened. It's just fun!! feeling overshadowed by someone elses character in your own damn picture.

Spoiler: the picture

 

for once i want to feel not like this??? i want to not be this upset over such small things.

doesn't help that ive been super irritated lately and i dont know how to stop.

 

i think it frustrates me more why im like this or why i feel upset is like, every time i try to show something off that i made kind of for everyone, it's usually ignored, but when my friend makes something, everyone throws out compliments.

this happens to my other friend too and it sucks. i feel bad and i try to show support so people can do it too and like?? we're both upset.

 

fkjlds
one of my friends i dont talk to is so sweet.
im glad when we do talk it's just super relatable feels on having the same things

 

holy heck this is gorgeous siggy. i really love the color and texture of the piano and the pianist's cape