Discussion in 'Brainbent' started by mcsiggy, Mar 1, 2017.
your art is really cool tho! i really like how pretty your textures are
after re-reading a bit of this forum im just..
i should've ended it a lot sooner than later. but that glimmer of hope was there u know?
and now just, seeing that person's name anywhere just pisses me off and drops my mood so fast. just
fuck them for hurting me like this because just.
i know being in a bad headspace isn't fun, but holy shit i wish they fucking communicated. I wish they didn't act like I only liked them for their FUCKING oc's.
god, ive been having dreams of hopefully making up but i know it wont happen because they didn't fucking care.
they just pushed me away because i annoyed them, and bothered them, and made them upset because i just wanted to spend time with them in something THEY INVITED ME TO DO WITH THEM.
just, fuck them. i really hope that bad karma kicks them in the ass or something because I don't want to see them. I won't be looking at the finished zine when it's done because I dont want to see them or their S.O.'s art in there. fuck them and just.
and thank you @Ipuntya .
and just, thank you all who's been reading and giving me advice and letting me vent. you have no idea how much it means to me as someone who's unable to do anything with her mental health aside from trying to keep it down with small things.
I guess some good news;
i'm in another dnd game with friends i'm super happy to be around. my DM is 10x better than my last one, I was able to get nightborne stuff in WoW, which took me a month or so to do, and I bought and built myself a new bed.
I'm... doing a bit better than I did last year. ye.
but still, fuck that person for hurting me.
At this point I feel like I shouldn't expect relationships anymore. I don't feel like disappointing more people than i already have and make myself more upset...
my friend is doing such a cool commission recently, but looking at the group of characters, i can't help but think its the same group my ex friend was also commissioned to make awhile ago that has their significant other in it and im just
idk just, soft annoyed feels i suppose. dunno. if it is those characters i'm gonna be honestly annoyed as hell cuz wow i can't escape this person can't i? i dont even know them and yet they still show up in my life.
knowing that one of my friends might die because of a surgery is just... im scared, i dont want her to die. the risk is low but... still.
i feel like no matter what I do or what i make or what i stream, i'm just,, boring
boring and i waste everyones time. like why do they even come to my streams anymore, i dont make anything interesting or anything anymore...
god i wish i were dead lol
I don't think you're boring. You seem like a really cool person :)
how i've been feeling lately, plus many past feelings coming up and eating my heart away
i love having a lot of ideas of what i want to draw, then the moment i do want to draw them, theyre thrown out of my mind and i'm blanking so hard i grow a headache and a even bigger frustration towards myself on how i'm so fucking stupid
i know as much as i complain, i am trying to get better. or like...
idk, i wanna get better
I guess i'm envious/jealous of everyone because i feel like i deserve what they have but i also feel like i dont deserve it so im kind of just wallowing in my own misery being a massive dumbass
i feel like i dont deserve anything lol
like why should i get something! I'm boring!! :)
No matter how hard i work, my art will always be boring and uninteresting, my streaming quality in terms of what I do will also always be boring and I'm just!!!!!
I dont get it!!! I dont get why people like me! I dont see anything positive about me! I get easily jealous/envious when I don't get follows or subscriptions, or fuck, raids or hosts when i stream, i get angry when people keep talking in my friends chat instead of my own chat, and i'm just!!! I GET UPSET WHEN I DONT GET ANY FORM OF ATTENTION.
i hate!! FEELING LIKE THIS!!! I WANT TO SUPPORT MY FRIENDS BUT I CAN'T WITHOUT FEELING SO ANGRY AT THEM FOR GETTING SOMETHING THEY DESERVE.
but im also so mad i feel like i dont get what i even deserve and i want to die so i can stop acting like this
me: I want people to like me because I want to bring nice things in this world and inspire others
also me: i'm a stupid piece of shit who deserves nothing and everyones liking your stuff out of pity
why do i even hecking try to do anything anymore if im going to just complain about how much i suck at everything i do, i should just drop dead, save everyone some energy
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