Vent siggy is soggy

i hate asking for donations when i know i can do commissions, my mental health is just, so poor right now
especially since im making this comic im almost done with (colors now, woo) and i gave myself a time when i wanted it posted, so im putting all my focus on that.

the fact that i can't even save money so i dont have to ask for donations is just stressing me out so hard i just, wanna give up...

 

not to be a bitch but


squints very hard

how... can you have past memories of a fictional character??? how can you identify as a character?? that sounds so lame like be yourself.

 

False memory recovery is a very real and well documented phenomena. Basically, our brains will make up some very believable shit for us.

 

Linky --> http://www.scholarpedia.org/article/False_memory

 

holy shit i thought it was mostly on like, us misremembering things we experienced/thought we had. I pretty much recognize most of these too, huh!

still but of a fictional character tho??? idk i guess i sound like a parent disregarding a kids mental health, but ive also been on the end of being harassed by fictionkin where my whole view of them is very negative so,, yeh. /shrug

 

the fact that my mood drops when everyone jokes about something i wanted to have my character do nice for another and yeah its funny i wanted to do something genuine and now im just fucking upset and i cant stop crying

 

I feel so stupid being afraid to talk to an artist i used to talk to because i found out i wasn't following them anymore and they just, unfriended me from everything so im just

idk, it upsets me that i see them everywhere because last time i tried to say hi they just, idk... i dont know what i did wrong and it upsets me so much

it doesn't help it's someone everyone loves and likes so im just

i guess stuck with this feeling.

 

welp
my phone got stolen

i had no passcode on it because im an idiot

we locked it, and i changed passwords, but the ones i COULDN'T change my passwords too had my fucking.
phone number on it

and when i WANTED to change my passwords, it kept sending TEXTS or asking me if they can text it to me and im jsut
no ??? ?? ? JUST SEND IT TO MY EMAIL

im so mad im so angry

i hope anyone and everyone who steals burns in hell they do not deserve my sympathy.

 

hhh, i feel like my friend doesnt likeme or, idk

i dont want a repeat of last year of these emotions again...

 

i feel stupid wishing my friend would just
idk, like my post i show them? all they do is just reply with a face and nothing else and idk...

i dont want this feeling to to come back like last year i really dont want that

 

i wanna die just so i can stop feeling like this, i wanna stop getting upset over my friend not,, liking my stuff i hope they'd like cuz i guess i show them attention when they do something nice and i just,, wish i would get some of that back?

i wanna tell someone im upset about this but i can't because this is stupid and it'll be just a repeat of last year even though our interests became different for a short while i still wanna hang out with them and talk cuz i still like homestuck and such...

 

constantly feeling nervous because im praised so much like please stop praising me so much it's legit making me so nervous\..

 

sometimes my friend like, talks down or thinks some art is amateurish cuz theyre making a game or something like, sometimes i agree but she's also being super harsh cuz like, idk her art can also use some improvement and idk what to say sometimes cuz i can easily see mistakes or easy fixes and i wanna tell her but i also dont want to be rude.

i guess cuz she think she's more high and mighty cuz she's also making a game and like, her art isnt bad but i can def can see some parts need some work or like, idk some stuff obviously needs to be redone and i just always feel bad wanting to tell her.

idk i know im not a super pro artist who went to school but i know where a mistake is when i can obviously see it,,

 

Like, I also know people push her aside and such and i feel bad, it's not her fault that people do that but i guess like, idk.

 

i feel wrong hoping certain people would like my stuff because i guess like, i like a lot of their stuff and hhh

i feel awful, it makes me want to die more and more so i dont have to feel this feeling...

 

h...hhhh..

 

beek can fucking go suck it, i hate them.

 

I think I almost had a heart attack today. I didn't sleep much lately and I started my period but the fact that i had a lot of the signs for a heart attack (in women) I'm just

Welp.

 

Oh no, that’s scary! I hope you’re okay.

I know from experience that a panic attack can have nearly identical symptoms to a heart attack. If that’s a possibility it’s worth looking into.

 

Spoiler: what a panic attack was like for me

I didn’t feel panicked. Panic attacks can come out of nowhere with no obvious trigger. I felt pretty calm at that moment though I was overall very stressed.

My heart felt like it was going a million miles an hour and skipping beats. I could feel it flutter irregularly in my chest.

My arm even went numb. It’s been years and I no longer remember which arm because it’s been years, but at the time I knew which one was correlated with heart attacks and it was the correct one.

I was a little suspicious about it at the time because I’d had rather a lot of really frightening experiences that turned out to be anxiety so I felt for my pulse in my neck. It was steady and only slightly elevated.

You’re very young for a cardiac event. That’s not to say it’s impossible, especially if you know you have risk factors. It’s just uncommon.