Vent siggy is soggy

honestly i just wanna cry and die

 

idk if i can properly draw fan art again without breaking down and hating how it looks because everything new i try to draw always looks bad, no matter how simple and easy the character design is..

 

Spoiler: Big vent art

 

You're fantastically talented and so damn hard working (like wow? Oh my god I could never hit the level you consistently keep up with, and I'm not even having to fight through depression!)

And honestly just. Fuck the haters. They ain't shit.

 

i think part of my like in fiction with a character being underaged (16-17) with an older person and i guess it's partially me on what I experienced when I was 16 or so but i've never told anyone else this either cuz i guess it didnt effect me but maybe it really did and I have no idea...

i guess it's also why i get upset at people calling me a pedophile because of the fictional stuff i like when i'm,.. actually thinking of myself, i never wanna interact with an irl minor in a sexual manner, that's hella gross.

 

Yeah 9 times out of 10 if I'm writing something involving an age gap I'm in the headspace of the younger person.

Spoiler: Spoiler for kink talk

While I don't have a personal history of abuse or grooming, I'm still afab raised in a very conservative Christian home, and only started to grapple with and understand my queerness in my late twenties. And- shocking, I know- a lot of afab people contextualize and eroticize their exprerience of powerlessness! This is why rape fantasies are extremely common.

 

yeah, i guess i might've been groomed when i was 16 (hence why i'm ok with characters being 16/17 in underaged stuff) but me and another girl were both i guess victims but we were also willing so -shrug- the guy's now in jail or something so lmao, it's ok i suppose.

 

I feel like this is all on me and it probs is but im getting really annoyed at my friends always making sexual jokes i'm just so fucking tired of it and i dont want to tell them in fear that they think i'm telling them to never do it again when i want them to probably tone it down a bit but no one else seems annoyed so its totally me i guess.

idk i'm getting annoyed at a bunch of my friends lately and i want this to stop. i can't fucking be in a stream with them without one of them making a sexy voice like oh my fucking god please stop doing it every single fucking time it's late at night, im so annoyed at it.

 

i think im at a point where idk what im doing anymore ha ha,, im so afraid of everything now i just dont want to do anything else anymore.

 

"Hey, tone it down a little, that's starting to get annoying" is a perfectly reasonable boundary to set. You shouldn't have to grin and bear everything until you snap, that's not healthy. Everyone has a nerve or three that they don't want stepped on, and communicating that and expecting your friends to communicate theirs and for everyone to at least make an effort to respect that is just how healthy friendships should work.

 

ye, ill try to do that next time if possible

 

Since I know who you’re talking about, you’re not the only one getting annoyed by it. I know of people who are avoiding certain streams/streamers cause they don’t want to have to listen to the sexy voices .___.

 

I hope my adoptables sell. At least half of them, I'm always so nervous trying to sell or make characters just, hhh....

 

Have you posted them yet? I’ll retweet and share them on my server!!

 

Money problems, unable to actually do work I have to do and mental health issues and more is just so many reasons on why I should die, nothing works out even half decently for me and I cant produce content that can make me money, one person is how I got to my first patreon goal but now I'm just, I know when they leave I'll be back under that goal and I wouldn't be able to do anything anymore. Even my comics aren't making me happy anymore, and nothing fandom wise will earn me anything because my art is all shit.
I want to die. I really do. I cant keep a job, I'm angry all the time and I'm useless.

 

I'm always thinking of planning things out but I never know how. Maybe i should just write shit down and just, walk away and die

 

I hate myself, I dont provide anything useful anymore for anyone around me.

 

If you're actively planning or thinking about planning something drastic, please call or text a hotline. You're worth so much more than a monetary number. Your art is amazing, you have so much attention to detail and stunning use and understanding of color. You care so much about people, and you make such an effort to be respectful and uplifting, even when jealous limpets try to tear you down. You're loved and wanted and the world would be less bright without you.

You deserve health and happiness!

 

thank u liz

I would call a hotline but i'm,, not wanting another police car coming to my house and pretty much taking me away to the same mental hospital ive been at, and this time without insurance.

 

Maybe a chat or text help line? I know Florida is kind of really fucking backwards with their mental help services.