Vent siggy is soggy

u know im upset when I can't even get a fucking donation unless i have to actually go ahead and say outright "hey im in a tight spot and i need money NOW or i will lose this or that" when i always constantly have that option up available for everyone every time i fucking stream
like i dunno but im upset.

the fact that i cant make even a small amount of consistent money upsets me, the fact that im so low on spoons to the point i cant even draw half the time anyone, the one thing that DID make me money, im jsut

i cant, do this anymore i really cant i dont want to do anything anymore

 

I cant even get a stupid fucking job because how bad my mental health is, i feel so useless.

 

I know all I do is complain about the same fucking thing but I'm also always trying to get out of this mindset but honestly I feel useless all the fucking time.

 

I complain yet i buy myself Soul Calibur VI, i dont have money and i got it cuz it was just enough so.

hm.

i do plan on opening commissions again tho. I dont wanna work on anything else but webcomic and commissions.

 

I wish I can stop comparing myself to everyone elses fanart to my own because fuck.

i feel like i make something nice for once but honestly i feel like no one likes or cares for something i put actual effort in but when it's a sketch oh no it's real good like

sigh

 

ugh im gonna cry again

 

me, drawing homestuck: yeah this is good

little did i know that i fucked up his horns, even though i was looking at the ingame sprite horns and not the troll call reference ahaha,

honestly just, looking at my old homestuck art to now, i kind of wish i was still drawing it but haha you know constant doubt, depression, and constant harassment would make you stop :)

 

how does one stop disliking themselves, asking for myself because i dont really want to die but i also REALLY want to die.

 

I just feel like no one will buy my comics i posted on tumblr. even though theyre the same price you can view them on my patreon...

 

it's funny!!!!! I wanna make comics and make money and when I do make comics and ask for money I feel so fucking guilty or feel like i'm begging because i want some fucking money for my hard work for once in my life but honestly im so exhausted i feel like im not achieving anything anymore like I thought I was and I jsut... wanna die,

 

You definitely deserve to be fairly compensated for your hard work! I know money is a big concern but, you need help Sigs. Nearly everything that's punching you down is related to your depression, and if you're having this much trouble with suicidal ideation, you need intervention. Things can get better, but not when all you do is beat your head against a wall until you're bleeding.

 

I don't know what to do or where to start, im trying to get my sleep schedule back to normal but the moment i do it just gets worse like ughhghgh

 

I think I'm at a point where I should just block/mute Clock/heart so I don't have to see their art anymore.

and it's not like i'm like, idk think they did anything bad, i guess just, I have a big feeling they really do not like me for some reason, and it's why they just, idk, soft blocked me where I unfollowed them without realizing.

it's paranoia i suppose but at the same time i guess im just, annoyed that I dont know what I did to make them soft block me? i dunno,,

maybe it is some jealousy there? I know I sound petty but I just, feel hurt.

who knows, but I know i can't ask all my mutuals to tag their art either, i dont want to control people like that or at all

 

I just,, really hate being like this and idk what to do, I feel awful

 

I think of you put the username on your xkit blacklist it will block it. Source: did so with a former mutual.

 

I had a dream where my ex said something where she was happy we broke up or something? Idk, it's now blurry so I cant properly remember, but I cried and I couldn't do anything else?

 

who the fuck ARE YOU???


???????????????
when did i harass people like i dont remember being rude to someone like this and if i did, im very sorry??? i legit do not remember this bullshit.

WHO ARE YOU I HAVE NO IDEA WHO YOU ARE LIKE YOU ACT LIKE I GO OUT OF MY WAY TO HARASS PEOPLE WHEN ALL I DO IS HANG OUT WITH MY FRIENDS, WHO ALL, AROUND ME, TALK ABOUT OUR SHIPS AND WHAT WE LIKE.

OF COURSE I'D ASSUME MOST PEOPLE WHO IM FRIENDS WITH/MEETING (since people who meet me say 'I LOVE YOUR NSFW') ARE ADULTS??

I DONT MAKE IT MY BUSINESS TO GO AND BOTHER MINORS ABOUT MY NSFW BECAUSE IM NOT FUCKING STUPID.

 

Oh God siggy I'm so sorry this bullshit is being thrown at your. They're probably lying thier snotty little ass off. You are supported though! You def have people who care about you and know the truth, your not alone

 

Report them for harassment first lmao

 

this got me crying, ahha,,

after everything within the last week, this got me crying

like this and on top of so many other shit, it's why i want to just go ahead and kill myself so these fucking people can live on their fucking lives and not bother me ever again because obviously they want me dead because of fucking fictional bullshit.