Vent siggy is soggy

like wow i wonder why siggy doesnt draw anything aside from ocs anymore!!

take a goddamn guess

 

I don't know what to do anymore, i worked so hard to get where i am and i'm this close to just ending myself now so people dont have more bullshit from me.

im just, i want to not be here anymore.

 

hh

 

now my patreon earnings went from 550 to 250, fun,, just


fun,,

 

hey someone tell me to not kill myself because I bought a new tablet and i should be excited to get it.

 

i should jus, close my patreon, im not getting anything from it at this point, i havent moved from $200 except from one person giving me $300 a month until they downed it to $6, now im back to where I was before, let's fucking face it, im a goddamn loser, im no good at what I do, no matter how much i fucking promote myself or how much I make things but no one cares.

I can't make fandom things or people will insult me, but no one also cares about oc things so like

guess i die lolo

 

its funny! I would try to take requests or do polls or like, something to bring people in but i'm just

that unable to, i'm so tunnel visioned focused on my own stuff that i would just
be unable to do what others want aside commissions

im just

i dont feel great ahaha,,

 

Please, siggy, Please call a hot line. Fuck now I'm crying please be safe, I'm begging you.

 

I'm so sorry I didn't see this earlier, Siggy. You are wonderful and I think a lot of people here care about you and like seeing you around.

 

i havent been doing anything well lately, im losing in every game im doing, i dont have any money and i feel like im annoying to everyone i talk to and i can't even think anymore and im justr

jkdsh please can i not be like this??? fucking just kill me already so i dont have to deal with this anymore

 

there's people i dont want to see anymore and every time i see them just makes me goes from 1 to 100 in a second on the anger meter and just, i dont wanna be around

 

I really... Really wish someone ive known for awhile would stop sending me paragraphs of just,, stuff i told them i dont really have interest in.

and i told them that the paragraphs legit make me go blank and i cannot read them fully and it takes me awhile to properly read them because a sudden wall of words like??? surprises me???

but i also told them to like, not make separate small paragraphs because it blows up my discord notification so im just ugh

i dont really wanna talk to them anymore but i dont hate them but im,,, tired. they dont really talk to other people anymore from what im aware of and i tried multiple times to introduce them to friend groups im in i thought theyd like but then they just get nervous and push themselves away and say no one likes them and or thinks everyone hates them and im just so tired. and it's not like theyre younger than me or my age, theyre about 5 or so years older than me and i just, i dont know what to do or say anymore, i sure as hell wont ghost them but ugh.

 

You might want to bring up the fact that they're forming a kind of unhealthy dependence on you. Especially since you're not into the thing they like to talk about? They need to find other people who are also interested in the thing and try to make friends instead of holding your attention captive.

 

I couldn't sleep

 

im at a point where i dont think i should stream on twitch, i don't talk when i draw, it's why im always muted and just draw and listen to music, but no one comes to that. (plus thanks twitch where my art streams can get me banned cuz god forbid i played music i fucking bought) i don't play interesting games by myself, and the only time people do come to my streams is cuz of my friends, i dont,, feel like i give anything.

I guess I wanna be a chill streamer but I also don't do much things interesting where I don't get any bits and I don't make money.

I just feel useless all around and I wanna not do anything anymore...

 

it doesnt even help that everyone streams at the same time to the point where i just dont feel like i should try anymore either...

 

I'm disappointed that Voltron killed Allura and gave shiro a last minute husband to cater to the lgbt stuff, but, I guess i still enjoyed the ending because it was, well, good. It was a bittersweet but positive ending.

but the fandom is just

really exhausting... Plus with the new friendsim out and everyone's bickering back and forth about lanque, im just, exhausted. I wish i can enjoy something and talk about the positives without someone or multiple people on my feed/dash saying 10 negative things about it.

like damn, if Avatar the Last Air Bender came out now, everyone would be tearing the ending apart.

It's... exhausting to like, see so much negative and not focus on the positive.

like no wonder i dont draw fanart anymore, the discourse just tires me out and sucks away any form of motivation i have before i start drawing.

 

Fucking agreenessed.

 

realized i was shadowbanned on tumblr on my art blog and idk how to undo that like i'm legit super upset over this like given everything else i hate about myself i just, idk i feel like i shouldnt do anything anymore.

 

The bot is stupid af and will auto shadowban on reports. Send an appeal and see if it unbans (if it's your main).