Vent siggy is soggy

somehow i wish i was less vocal, drew a lot less nsfw, and was more occupied w/ working on my art style and just, keeping quiet, maybe i could've gotten a job w/ homestuck?? idk

i know i really wanted to but now i think i can't even attempt anything anymore. i dont want to blame others for my own things after all

 

maybe i have a weird complex, idk. i always felt like everyone knew everyone and i knew people but people didnt know me at all or they were aware of me.

i dunno.

 

Hhhh im constantly thinking about how im,,, trying to save money for taxes next year cuz i know i made a good amount this year and im very scared of what ill have to pay off :'|

and like, its like, impossible for me to actually save cuz a good amount of my money goes to food, bills, or emergencies. i cant win

 

Honestly best thing I've found is having a separate savings account and just immediately putting x percent of every transaction paid into that account. don't leave it in paypal, paypal is a fickle bitch anyway, you don't want them to shut down your account over some minor infraction and not have access to your funds. I think you can also set something up where you pay taxes quarterly instead of at the end of the year?

 

yeah i have estimated taxes stuff and whenever i plan to pay some of it off, something big comes up :( imma make a separate savings on monday or so if i can cuz i know i cant keep up what im doing

 

my body: -violently reacts negatively to seeing any june egbert art or reference to it-
me @ myself: stop that youre being a baby people are allowed to do what they want

at least im acknowledging my bad attitude and try to reverse that lol

 

google: how do i just stop feeling like complete over cartoons

 

idk legit I have had at least a dozen people messaging me over the course of the week saying how much they don't care for June Egbert but don't want to say anything about it so you're def not the only one.

 

legit it's so weird cuz like im assuming most of those people, maybe all!! are trans or some sort of queer! it's scary to say you dont like something just because! and not the kind of racially/some sort of phobic kind of dislike/hate, just, they dont care for it but since its pushed in their faces so much it can be just, annoying to see all together :(

at least,, i know it is for me

 

Pretty much, yep!

 

Hhhh now I just feel like shit w my art and how my hs fanart never compares to everyone else's in the fandom when I decide to actually draw something.

Imma try to sleep but I know thered peeps who do like my stuff and I could never be more thankful enough but.. still that lingering feeling wont go away and I hate it

 

i need to watch the su movie to properly have an accurate understanding why i dont like spinel aside that she reminds me of me at points in my life lol.

 

is my face every time i see spinel nsfw

mostly cuz i just,,, dont get everyones love for her/ wanting to fuck her like she seems like a super shitty person

 

been getting constant spouts of anxiety lately when i see friends i wanna talk to but have nothing to talk about. idk what this means hh

 

You can always talk to me! :D

 

;v;! <3 <3 <3

 

i dont like this constant pattern of my sketches getting more attention than my actual finished pieces i'm very proud of :')

 

doesnt help im having a big swing of imposter syndrome going on w/ me where i feel like everything i do is just not good enough and im just hhh

i dont like this cycle of stupidity

 

imposter syndrome + dysphoria + me worrying about money? hell yeah its a 3 course depression meal!!

 

me: Posts art im proud of
my brain 5 minutes later: it's bad and you'll never be good at art and all your friends all hate everything you make

me:..,, ok,